3 year old behaviour in afternoons / tiredness

[Llamasally]

I’m really getting exhausted and upset with my (usually delightful) 3 year old DS.

I can’t work out where I’m going wrong - pretty much every afternoon from around 4-5pm onwards he honestly turns into a total nightmare. Hitting, kicking, throwing, being purposely defiant when I give consequences, worst is hurting his younger sibling on purpose. He will get more and more manic and violent until he gets told off, upon which he will sob his heart out saying he’s tired and be in crying hysterics. Rinse and repeat until asleep. Also often thrown into the mix is refusing to eat his tea then crying that he’s hungry - doesn’t matter if it was one of his favourites that he was offered.

I don’t know if he actually is tired - I actually think he is but he sleeps well at night and still has a nap most days - or if he’s saying it for sympathy because he knows he’s pushed it too far. He’s so lovely in the morning/ when he’s not doing this but it’s unfortunately becoming more frequent.

Any ideas please? 🙏

What’s he doing at that point in the day? Can you pre-empt it and have a chilled out activity ready to help him wind down? Put a film on or his favourite tv program?

I was coming to suggest what @BeanieTeen already did. Definitely make it TV/quiet time around 4-5pm.

We do that, he won’t sit and starts throwing things or being rough with whoever is there

I mean, it's typically the witching hour anyway but it's difficult to know what to suggest if you are already being firm. It sounds like it's almost become a bit of a habit of behaviour.

Have you tried moving him into a different room for a few minutes? "If you can't be safe in here, I'm going to have to move you somewhere else." I know you said he cries hysterically once he's been told off but maybe if he realises he's getting no attention for the behaviour he may start to cool off a bit?

How do you respond? Do you shout? Granted, I have shouted in my time, but I always find quiet and calm works best.

What time does he sleep and nap? It might be that he IS tired and fettling ready to change sleep routine. Have you tried putting him to bed a bit earlier? Could try 15 minutes to Starr?

I've got one of these too OP, he's completely feral when he's tired and is incapable of regulating his emotions...he hits, screams, throws things and is generally defiant, violent and unpleasant to be around. Once he's had a sleep he's an angel again

Another one here too! Also 3,

My three year old gets incapable of eating / sitting and focusing at table if she’s tired. On days where we’ve had a big walk or something in the morning I give big substantial snack around 3pm - bread / cheese / fruit / peanut butter / a boiled egg etc and that seems to improve her mood, then if she only has a bite or two of her tea later due to meltdowns I don’t stress it too much.

Or alternatively I make her tea really early like 4pm. Or I do tea outside in the garden on a blanket and she will run about, then eat, then run about and it takes the pressure off sitting at table and everyone feels more relaxed.

the afternoons can be really hard. I think don’t expect too much of them in the afternoons - bit of reading to them, tv if needed, fresh air to let off steam. Playing with water seems to chill my DD out so sometimes on the worst afternoons it’s a 4pm tea then a mega early bath that lasts a long time with toys in, then a bit more to eat once she’s out of bath, then in bed at 6.30! They get so easily overtired at this age. Sleep and food are the answer to most behavioural problems in this age group I feel!!

Thanks everyone this is really helpful - and good to hear I’m not alone with Jekyll and Hyde!!

thing is he’s fine when at nursery, so I must need to adjust something at home. They do have more structure there I guess and as PP suggested they have a decent sit down snack at 3 ish…

Don't know if you're still on here @Llamasally but would love an update if poss as this is my 3 yo currently.

Would love an update on this, my 3 year old son is the same and we have also like you done everything possible to stop the hitting and him eating better /sleeping better but nothing seems to be working starting to think if it's an age thing

@Londongirl8922@Pantheon my 3 year old
is the same. A joy to be around, and a total nightmare from 4pm until he passes out at bedtime. I try to stay patient, but it's hard when he throws things at you, hits you, scratches you and is generally a menace. Still I can see that it's sadly normal! How are you getting on with your tiny terrors?

Hello, we have recently been referred to occupational therapy as his sensory overload is so bad and he’s still having bad moments where he gets really upset and hits out, we are awaiting another assessment in June for the SEND lady to come to his nursery setting and then get GP involved to see if we can be seen to sooner for a peadatric assessment as we are not sure if it’s autism related now! his earring still isn’t great and his sleeping is just non existent…he’s my absolute world and I’m going to do everything in my power to get him the help he needs …he’s doesn’t talk so I think he gets frustrated with that too x

@Freddie3642 Hi, ds is definitely better than he was and I think his language improving has been a big factor and also we try to build in some quiet time in the day. He still has moments though. It can be really tough!