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Failing at Parenting

Curlygirlmum · 06/08/2022 09:33

My DD is 18MO. Exclusively breastfed from birth and stubborn as anything! I've gotten her down to a morning feed and and evening feed plus I'm still night feeding. Weaning is not going well she is very picky and will not eat a whole lot of food at any meal she tastes everything then it starts getting thrown on floor. She will drink out of a cup or straw if you hold it but refuses sippy cups and bottles. Night weaning is a long way off because the screaming and tantrums, throwing herself backwards go on until I give in and feed her! Worried that she's not getting enough food and nutrients because she eats so little!

DD has a squint and was prescribed glasses that are extremely strong to wear morning to bed time. She hates them and pulls them off after a few minutes no matter how many activities I try to distract with. I follow her around all day picking them up and putting back on to no avail.

She tells me when she's going wee wee or poopy so I tried potty training but potty training is not working when I see she's about to go or she tells me I put her on the potty and she screams and fights then pees on the floor. I've given up and gone back to nappies maybe she's not ready.

I don't get a minute to myself she refuses to play by herself no matter what I buy her to play with she's just hanging out of me all day and I'll be honest I put on a tv show after I've entertained her with everything I can think of to get a break.

And I have tried brushing her teeth daily but the toothbrush gets taken off me to chew on or I deal with a massive tantrum and throwing herself back onto floor. I'd rather let her have the brush than her hurt herself during a tantrum.

I feel like I'm failing at everything with her and I don't know how to rectify it at this point. DP is no help he's working long hours and does f all with her when he gets home. And to top it all off she's learned 'Go Away' from her cousin and 'Why? No!' and that's all I hear all day. Any advice PLEASE!!

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TailSpinner · 06/08/2022 10:07

18 months is a really tricky. They are old enough for big tantrums but not really old enough to reason with, understand consequences or rewards.
Now is kind of crux time to show that screaming and shouting doesn’t get you want. My general response to tantrums at this age was to ignore… at least pretend to! Obviously you can’t actually ignore someone screaming their heads off, you’ll be very aware of it and it will be stressful, but I would just pretend I couldn’t hear it and go and do something like the washing up or hoovering. Basically a way of saying ‘you crack on with that, I’ve got stuff to do.’

I do think you need to go cold turkey now on the night feeds. Your breasts are yours, she is not a newborn who needs feeding on demand and it’s ok for you to say no. If she’s thirsty, offer her a cup of milk or water at night. But she really does not need a night feed at this age. If she doesn’t want the cup, back to bed. It will be rough, but you need to persevere and not give in. As above - ignore. I don’t think there is a gentle way around it at this point.

Can you talk to your health visitor or go about for advice re- eating if you’re worried she isn’t having enough?

Don’t worry about the potty training, it’s early days for that anyway. Many children aren’t potty trained until they reach 3 years old. No rush there.

It sounds so cruel but brushing teeth twice a day really is non-negotiable - it’s absolutely essential that her teeth are cleaned or you could end up in hospital with her for teeth extractions. I’m sure a nicer poster than me will come along with some better and gentler ways to encourage her. But honestly - when DS made a fuss about it I had zero tolerance and pinned him down. He brushes his teeth very happily now, he’s not traumatised.

How essential is it that she wears the glasses at the moment? Is it something you can just leave to one side for a month or two? I’m not sure it’s currently worth the battle when you have other things to contend with. I just think her taking her glasses off and you putting them back on all the time will turn into a wonderful game for her.

It is really important that you get some time to yourself. You sound exhausted and then its hard to have the energy to deal with all this. Could you maybe look into putting her into nursery for two half days or something?

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