2.5 year old - help!

[FebMama]

Looking for some help/suggestions please...

Best way to respond to a 2.5 year old hitting? My little boy is very energetic, very playful and is quite rough when it comes to playing. He has lots of girl cousins and often he becomes a bit much for them when they're all playing together. He often starts to hit out at them, I don't think in a malicious way. I think he just gets very overexcited and he thinks he is playing.
But when he's in this mood, he begins to hit out at adults too such as me, his dad and grandparents. He will then come up to me and tell me "mummy I hit so and so" - as though he is proud of it!

I'm constantly giving him a firm "no - hitting is not nice" and "no hitting" message, but it doesn't seem to be working.

He doesn't hit at nursery and nor does he hit strangers children in the park or anything like that - which is positive.

What's the best way to respond? A naughty step wouldn't work - he would simply get straight up, I'm not sure he would understand that yet.

Is it just a phase I have to accept he will eventually grow out of?

Thank you all in advance.

Have you tried just "no" and moving him away? Sometimes they hear the "hitting" more than they hear the "no hitting" bit. And yes, it is just a phase. He's over stimulated so needs help to regulate himself again.

He's doing it because he thinks it's fun, not because he's lost control, so you have to make it unfun. Warn in advance that if he hits, you're leaving. Remind him when he starts getting overexcited, and then if he still hits, leave. Every time.

Thank you both for your replies.

@bloodywhitecat Maybe I'll try avoiding the "hitting" word and just use "no" in isolation.

@MolliciousIntent About the suggestion of leaving, I have tried this and walked away and have tried a bit of an ignoring tactic so he knows I'm not happy with him. Eventually he will come over and say "sorry mummy" and I'll reiterate that hitting is not kind and it's not a nice thing to do... and he'll do it again within 5 minutes!

No I mean you pick him up and take him home. If he can't play nicely he doesn't get to play.

Also an owner of a ‘spirited’ 2.5 year old here…

We do three strikes (not for serious things like hitting, that’s obviously immediately stopped).

First time gets a firm ‘no we don’t throw sand’. Second time is ‘if you throw sand once more we will leave the playground’. Thirst time you leave the playground immediately and tell them why!

With your tactic, it might be the case that he’s worked out that if he apologies (without really knowing what that means), the ‘punishment’ is over fairly quickly so it’s not a massive deterrent.

@MolliciousIntent oh I see what you mean. Interestingly he only ever really does this at home though! Not so much at other peoples houses...

@Violettaa thanks for your thoughts. When you say hitting immediately gets stopped, what do you do to stop it? What works for you? I like the idea of the three strikes though, as you say for the not so serious things.

Ugh I have no idea op and mine are twins. One is a biter and a hair puller and the other is a slapper but it isn't done when they're angry or trying to be horrid, they think it's funny which means when I tell them off they just laugh.

My DD has hit and bitten other kids on the past, which I'm mortified about.

If she does it, she's immediately taken out of the situation. We go home, or to another room. It's partly so she realises how very wrong it is, partly to protect the other kids.

She's much better at not doing it now!

I would try changing your language around hitting a bit. Young kids hear the main words of a sentence and struggle to process the whole sentence, so instead of hearing "hitting isn't nice", they just hear "hitting" and "nice", and actually "nice" is a complex concept for a 2 year old because it's a general description of a bunch of small behaviours (gentle, quiet, sharing, clean, etc etc).

Try to speak very clearly, use the same phrases each time, and back up your words with actions if needed. I use "hitting hurts. Gentle hands please" rather than "no hitting". If the hitting continues, then my child comes to sit on my lap or is moved away from other people (with me, not shoved on his own!).

I agree that you need to stop the fun if there is hitting so your DS makes the connection. On the first hit, I'd say "no hitting". Second time, he gets called over and has to sit on your lap for a few minutes. Third time, you leave the playground or wherever you are and go home (or into another room if at home or staying with people).

Thank you all so so much for your replies and suggestions.

Really need to nip it in the bud now given I am 13 weeks pregnant with my second and can't be having him do this when the new baby is here!

You've all been super helpful so thank you.