Feel totally helpless with newborn

[Laurappo]

First time posting- not sure what I'm looking for or expecting but here goes...

Feel so helpless with my baby. He has a number of issues at the moment

Trouble breathing, constantly wheezy (told he has floppy larynx but nothing else.. )

He coughs, struggles to breathe and constantly wants to be fed. I'm formula feeding so know he is eating a hell of a lot but I just don't know what to do except feed him. He isn't sick but spits up later and grabs at his throat like he's in pain. I googled and it said probably silent reflux

Keeps getting gas, sleeps for less than an hour and wakes up crying with it - and probably because he is eating so much.

He seems grumpy all the time or he just lies and stares into space awake for hours. And I mean hours... I try to get him to sleep but If I pick him up he cries until I put him down. Then the next day he may want to be held all day long.

Every time we have 1 good day the next we have a day 50 times worse.

I just feel I'm doing something seriously wrong with him for him to be so grumpy/ unwell and keep getting these issues - seems like its something new each day.

Literally can't get a GP appointment, she has only told me what it might be over the phone. Health visitor doesn't even return my calls

My house is a total mess, I cant eat because I'm worried, and my partner just keeps saying he is fine. I've recorded his breathing etc so will show the GP when he has his jabs but I feel like they just think im paranoid-even though its obvious!

I feel like noone is listening to me.

Newborns are so hard and it easy to feel overwhelmed.

Go and see your GP or HV.

Is he having wet nappies and passing bowel movements?

Yeah - loads of wet nappies and poos a few times a day although with a bit of a struggle and it usually wakes him up

It gets easier.

have you had a hv visitor yet? Go to a hv clinic and keep trying your doctor as they can prescribe for silent reflux.

Newborns can be hard work but you aren’t alone! Don’t worry about the house! You’ll get there - get your partner to help!

Sorry to hear you’re having such a tough time. Your health visitor should be helpful at this stage, helping you to understand what’s going on with your baby and how best to support them. Can you make an appointment?

Also do you any family or close friends around who can help? They can be really helpful in helping you to navigate these early days or to understand if there actually is something wrong with your baby.

Please do reach out for help and hopefully get these easily days back on track so you can enjoy being a mum.

Oh bless you that sounds rough.

My LO is 9 months and had/has silent reflux, we had a tough couple of months from around 6 weeks.

We were prescribed gaviscon over the phone but it didn't work for us.
I got her an urgent gp appointment once because I was concerned she was aspirating when breathing but I was told it was normal. Did eventually get a consultant appt (telephone) and he told me they would only medicate if dropping weight or vomiting blood.

If you are concerned about breathing and hp not listening try 111, they may get an urgent gp appt for you.

Will he take a dummy? Definitely helped soothe my girl even though she refused one until about 12 weeks it was worth persevering.

It will get easier as time passes but I know its awful when you are in the thick of it with a new baby.

Sounds like you are doing everything you can - sending hugs! Forget about the house (mine has been a mess since my first was born 7 years ago).

Constant change, sleepy days followed by grumpy days, wanting to be held then not wanting to be held, crying for hours and doing weird things with their hands are all normal newborn behaviour.

I spent hours googling for answers and solutions. Just keep putting milk in, keep winding, keep changing nappies and lurch from one day to the next. At 10 weeks it started to make a lot more sense.

Keep trying the GP and HV - call first thing in the morning. Also get out in the fresh air. Try and meet some other mums with newborns for mutual support. Good luck.

Could you give him a dummy? He wants to suck and if he having formula that’s a good option.
Go to the health visitor clinic. Take your partner if you can and take your time. You need some support too
newborns are hard work.
my DS had reflux. Keeping them upright can help. Or at least propped up a bit.
white noise also can help to stop the unsettled crying. Oddly mine also enjoyed watching the washing machines
the staring into space I think is also quite common - before sleep bit also because their eyes are still leaving to focus.
mine also liked being in water - helped stop the crying and also being driven in the car.
try different things too see what helps

and for you lots of help and rest. It’s ok to sot on the sofa all day holding your baby. And also your partner to do some of the nights so you can sleep.

Thanks for all your messages. Some days he will have a dummy but mostly he just spits it out at me and screws his face up. I have tried to call the HV but they never call me back. Apparently in my area there is a problem with staffing but I'll look into clinics.

He has just woken up after 10 minutes of sleeping and being awake for 6 hrs before that and I'm just sat here crying next to him.

With the floppy larynx what are they doing? So with my second I went to the gp constantly, a&e everyone wrote me off as a panicky first time mum, despite this being my second child. She would only comfortably sleep on her tummy, made weird noises and seemed physically unhappy in certain positions. Finally was diagnosed by a great paediatrician with having laryngomalacia and had an aryepiglottoplasty to snip the larynx back 3 weeks later.
I hope this helps, sometimes you have to push for a paediatric referral to the point of being obnoxious!

The first few weeks are especially difficult. Everything is a guessing game. It will get better. Just take each day as it comes. No pressure on yourself.

@Laurappo I had a baby who slept for just 20 minutes at a time. At one point I questioned whether I might die from lack of sleep. I didn’t! But here’s what helped us go from 20 minutes, to 4 hrs to mostly all night sleeps…

1 - white noise machine, cost shout £15 from Amazon had it on all night
2 - pitch black room, no light anywhere
3 - consistency, same bedtime routine every night and if needing to resettle keep that the same too
4 - tilted crib

we also ditched the dummy and replaced with a comforter when she hit 5 months. Hang in there!!

I'd send partner or a family member directly into clinic at 8am and request an appointment. They issue them in the morning, keep asking- your baby us probably a typical newborn but you totally need reassurance. Secondly, people say newborns sleep a lot. No, they bloody don't! My son would refuse naps from 8am til 2pm for weeks, I thought I was going to go insane, it just takes ages fir them to find their rhythm. I'm so sorry but you will have to believe us when we say it gets better, I found first months so so so hard and when people would try to cheer me up I thought they were lying to be kind. They weren't. Life is grand now! Please don't give up hope, be nice to yourself, stay in the shower for a few extra minutues- whatever makes you feel relaxed do more of. Good luck, you're doing great even if you don't think you are! Big love, keep breathing and demand help x

Thanks all- spoke to a GP again this morning who basically told me to fuck off - her words were "are you a first time mum? Yeah you start to chill out a bit when you have a second one" - now,- even if I am a paranoid freak and my baby is fine, that's not really acceptable imo. Someone correct me if I'm wrong!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers they are doing jack shit about the floppy larynx - and that I'm sure is causing most of the issues. His breathing is so scary and he is doing that EEE noise every 5 minutes.

So with reflux, it’s not usually an illness but a sign of something else. Sounds to me like he has an allergy maybe CMPA or lactose. This can also cause wheeziness and make baby really uncomfortable. Does he have any eczema? You don’t say how old he is but my friends baby didn’t have any signs of eczema until he was maybe 12 weeks old. He had other signs but she put it down to him being colicy. Since the move to pepti 1 he’s a different baby.

He does have a little bit of eczema on his face. I wouldn't say it's excessive but yeah - definitely a little. He is 6 weeks

And thank you all for the messages and suggestions. There is definitely something I just need to work out what it is. I just wish the GP/HV would at least see him

At times like this - when I go on Mumsnet and read posts from mothers who are struggling- I wish we could live in a commune and offer real life support. I just read a post from a sleep deprived parents. It’s so hard to read when you know exactly how alone you feel and how desperate:

Your GP sounds shit.
can you change?
They are all stretched beyond belief but mine never made me wait more than 3/4 hrs before letting me coming in on one of their emergency slots. They have a policy to always see babies.
I have a sleeping baby in my arms so have to write this quickly as she will wake but the one thing I have learnt since having kids is to advocate for them and to have no shame. That doctor who said that to you? Next time, tell them whilst you are a first time mum you are not an idiot and want your concerns treated with more respect. Can you make another and insist on a referral? That will take ages anyway.

Thisfirst stage where you can never figure out what is bothering them if something isn’t right is so so hard. It gets easier. You have my

bother Your GP non stop for a paediatricS referral for the larynx