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Original poster

Sleep training

14 replies

WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 22:43

Hi, I've had a pretty distressing night with my daughter and looking for some advice around sleep training.

We have co slept since she was born however I'm due to give birth in two weeks. I know I've left everything last minute but that's a whole other story...

She's been my comfort during a very traumatic year and a huge part of me is really struggling with the concept of moving her to her own bed in her own room.

Anyway tonight after our usual bath and bedtime routine, i waited until she was drowsy and then moved her into her own bed where I tried the Ferber method and I just couldn't do it, she was wide awake as soon as I lay her down in her cot, and then became so distressed she wouldn't lie down, when I went in to comfort her for 2 minutes she was clinging onto the straps of my pyjama top screaming.

How on earth do you do it, where do I even start? I'm feeling really guilty at the minute 😢

OP posts:
chilledbubble · 01/08/2022 22:46

How old is she?

Original poster
WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 23:02

@chilledbubble
she's almost 15 months

OP posts:
Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 01/08/2022 23:03

Can your partner not take over cosleeping? As a general rule it’s not good to make significant changes in the weeks before a new baby.

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MolliciousIntent · 01/08/2022 23:09

Yeah this is a really bad idea, to be honest, I think either she stays with you and Dad takes point with the baby, or you try and get her used to co-sleeping with him instead.

Also, if you're not on it already, I would seriously consider getting some therapy. Using your child as an emotional crutch is incredibly unhealthy for both of you and can be very damaging.

Original poster
WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 23:09

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas
There's only me

OP posts:
Original poster
WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 23:10

@MolliciousIntent been on the waiting list for therapy since January. They won't do it while I'm pregnant as it would be too traumatic

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MolliciousIntent · 01/08/2022 23:11

Ok, good for you, good luck!

Miriam101 · 01/08/2022 23:21

I'm a strong advocate of Ferber but this is not a good plan. a) You do Ferber with a baby who is already used to sleeping in their own cot or bed but who is struggling to get to sleep on their own- without being rocked or patted or sat with or whatever. Doing it with a toddler who has only ever known you and your bed is a massive change for them and would be horriifc for you and them. There are other ways of getting her used to sleeping in her own room before trying CC
But......
B) moving her out of your room in favour of her new sibling so soon before the birth is also not wise. Is there any way you could all sleep together or at least in same room for the first few months? Generally avoiding big changes ahead of baby coming is advised and this is a pretty huge one for a toddler...
Good luck- I feel for you

Original poster
WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 23:23

Thank you @Miriam101

I think I'm going to continue co sleeping with her, and then have the baby in the next to me cot.

I wish I hadn't even tried it tonight I feel awful 😞

OP posts:
Original poster
WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 23:24

I t

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Miriam101 · 02/08/2022 17:58

Don\t feel awful! You tried something, it didn't work. She's not going to remember :-) I think your new plan sounds best. Good luck with it!

MolliciousIntent · 02/08/2022 18:56

WeyAyeMan · 01/08/2022 23:23

Thank you @Miriam101

I think I'm going to continue co sleeping with her, and then have the baby in the next to me cot.

I wish I hadn't even tried it tonight I feel awful 😞

Make sure you run that plan past a midwife/HV, as I'm not sure it's safe to have the baby in the same sleep space as a mobile toddler, they may need to go in their own cot so she can't get at them in the night.

Speedweed · 02/08/2022 19:09

Start gradually - when she has a nap, put her into her own bed (use a sheet from your bed so it smells familiar), so she gets used to going to sleep there. Stay with her, keep her calm, be ready to pick her up if she cries - don't let her associate her bed with feeling sad/lost/alone etc. Co sleep as normal at night.

When she happily napsin her own bed, put her down there at bedtime. Stay with her until she's asleep. Whenever she wakes up, take her into your bed and continue the night co sleeping as normal.

After a while, you'll be able to feed her and put her back in her own bed, and she'll settle quickly back to sleep. If she doesn't for any reason, take her into your bed, but this should happen less and less until one day the transition is done and she'll have spent the whole night in her own bed.

Original poster
WeyAyeMan · 02/08/2022 21:03

Thank you all @Speedweed @MolliciousIntent @Miriam101 for your advice.

The next to me I can put the sides up and move it away from my bed, so my toddler couldn't get near it. I think I'll do that until the baby is big enough for her cot.

I'll definitely try with the naps first and staying with her. Thanks again I feel a little better with having a plan. I know it's going to be a long road it's just hard sometimes to know what to do for the best

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