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Original poster

Father DNA Test Refusal

26 replies

Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:21

Without going into to much detail I had a cryptic pregnancy and it was very traumatic. I have zero doubt that he is the father and even have had DNA done with some of his family to prove it to them. The legal issue is though I need DNA confirmation from him. Since the birth the father has ignored me completely, refused DNA and won’t cooperate at all. I want to add him to the birth certificate as 18 months have past and my patience for waiting to him to do the right this has run out. 
I am looking at putting a declaration of parentage into the court. Or a claim into child maintenance, however I’m not doing this for money, I simply feel my daughter deserves her dad on her birth certificate. 
Could anyone that has any experience advise me on the best avenue to take? Or how the process has worked for you. I don’t really want to advise a solicitor however will if I have too.
Thanks

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bringon2020 · 01/08/2022 21:30

Your DD deserves money as well. It's HER money, it's not up to you to "not want it".

Original poster
Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:32

bringon2020 · 01/08/2022 21:30

Your DD deserves money as well. It's HER money, it's not up to you to "not want it".

As helpful as I find your response, it is not about money, I can provide her with a happy life myself, it's about doing what's right and with my belief and how I raise my daughter that doesn't revolve around money. But thanks.

OP posts:
titchy · 01/08/2022 21:33

Much easier if he isn't on the birth certificate. If he is he could object to your choice of school, object to you moving away, not give permission for her to go abroad etc.

Claim CM though - it's for HER benefit. If he denies he's the father then the CMS will force a DNA test on him which he would have to pay for once it determines he is the father.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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alnawire · 01/08/2022 21:34

I simply feel my daughter deserves her dad on her birth certificate.

Handing a dead beat shit of a father parental rights is probably the worst thing you could ever do for her. She certainly does not deserve that.

Original poster
Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:34

titchy · 01/08/2022 21:33

Much easier if he isn't on the birth certificate. If he is he could object to your choice of school, object to you moving away, not give permission for her to go abroad etc.

Claim CM though - it's for HER benefit. If he denies he's the father then the CMS will force a DNA test on him which he would have to pay for once it determines he is the father.

Thank you for explaining that reasoning, this is all so new to me and I don't understand any of it so I will definitely look into that thank you :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:36

alnawire · 01/08/2022 21:34

I simply feel my daughter deserves her dad on her birth certificate.

Handing a dead beat shit of a father parental rights is probably the worst thing you could ever do for her. She certainly does not deserve that.

From my understand a declaration of parentage doesn't = parental responsibility and he would still have to take me to court to request access to our child

OP posts:
alnawire · 01/08/2022 21:37

From my understand a declaration of parentage doesn't = parental responsibility and he would still have to take me to court to request access to our child

You are talking about having his name on the birth certificate. That absolutely does give him parental RIGHTS (not responsibility).

Original poster
Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:41

alnawire · 01/08/2022 21:37

From my understand a declaration of parentage doesn't = parental responsibility and he would still have to take me to court to request access to our child

You are talking about having his name on the birth certificate. That absolutely does give him parental RIGHTS (not responsibility).

Sorry for asking so many questions, what are the main differences between rights & responsibilities?

Do you also know anywhere I can read about this? The government website has so many pages about different things and it confuses me

OP posts:
bringon2020 · 01/08/2022 21:43

Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:32

As helpful as I find your response, it is not about money, I can provide her with a happy life myself, it's about doing what's right and with my belief and how I raise my daughter that doesn't revolve around money. But thanks.

Show quote history

Beautiful answer, but it is her money, not yours. Maybe you could put it all in a savings account and let her have it when she's an adult.

(I have a friend whose mother didn't want to "antagonise" her divorced dad demanding money. My friend had a difficult childhood and is resentful of her mother, who she feels couldn't fight for her daughter's interests)

And re the name in the birth certificate, I suggest you speak to a lawyer to find out what is best for your DD. (As PP mentioned, it could be a big headache)

MolliciousIntent · 01/08/2022 23:17

If he is on the birth certificate, he has equal rights to you. He can demand to see her, block you from taking her abroad or moving away, he can have input into her medical care, her schooling, etc etc etc. Putting him on her birth certificate just because you want him to admit her existence is a really foolish move.

Bubbleguppette · 01/08/2022 23:32

Sorry, just checking...if he's not on the birth cert but you look for CM from him...does this give him any parental rights?

Lostlostlost3 · 01/08/2022 23:37

Tread carefully OP. Being on the birth certificate gives him as many rights to your daughter as you do. Is that what you really want? By all means tell your little girl who her dad is but don't give him those rights. Do you really want to check with him if you move or take her on holiday. He can object to those things and stop them.

You sound like you want to do the right thing by your little girl. Don't add him to the BC and claim CMS. If you really aren't that bothered about CM, just let it lie is my advice.

Rainbowshit · 01/08/2022 23:41

As others have said it may not be the best idea to have him on the birth certificate. Look into it carefully.

bellac11 · 01/08/2022 23:43

alnawire · 01/08/2022 21:37

From my understand a declaration of parentage doesn't = parental responsibility and he would still have to take me to court to request access to our child

You are talking about having his name on the birth certificate. That absolutely does give him parental RIGHTS (not responsibility).

Parents dont have 'rights' they have responsibilities. Thats what PR stands for, parental responsibility

Danoo · 01/08/2022 23:46

Wow, I'd steer clear of this asshole. Don't go looking to give him rights.

HowcanIhelp123 · 01/08/2022 23:56

As said, being on the birth certificate gives him equal rights to you. He could pick up your daughter from nursery without your knowledge and refuse to hand her back. Police wouldn't do anything, you'd have to go through the courts. You would need his permission to go on holiday, he could stop you relocating with her, would have a right to oppose school and medical choices.

I get why you feel he should be on there, but think very carefully before you give him that much control over yours and your daughters life.

kittenkipping · 02/08/2022 00:00

If you don't need or want the money, then keep him off the certificate. Keep him away from the privilege of parenthood, and keep your daughter away from a shyster who doesn't WANT her.

Imo an absent father and good mother, is better than a BAD semi active father and a good mother. (For he will be fucking about and letting her down at best- using his rights as a control and punishment- stopping travel, empty promises, and emotional abuse, parental alienation at worst) . You only have those two options. Choose carefully

OakAshBeech · 02/08/2022 00:18

Just checking you're in the UK, OP?
Because I'm in Ireland and having dad's name on the birth cert doesn't give him legal rights, so the situation obviously varies from country to country.
Just making sure that the advice you're getting is accurate for where you live...

alnawire · 02/08/2022 05:52

Parents dont have 'rights' they have responsibilities. Thats what PR stands for, parental responsibility

It does give him rights with no responsibility though, which is what I'm trying to explain. He won't HAVE to be responsible but he will have the right to access and input. The terminology surrounding this is crap really. Technically it is 'responsibility' but it actually gives 'rights'

alnawire · 02/08/2022 05:52

If you don't need or want the money, then keep him off the certificate.

Money has nothing to do with it.

sandgrown · 02/08/2022 06:02

Just to add. I don’t have a dad on my birth certificate and it is very embarrassing when you have to produce it for anything . Whatever happens please ensure you let your daughter have the details of who he is when she is older and can make her own decisions.

QuinkWashable · 02/08/2022 06:14

It's been a while, but many years ago, if you claimed CMS, and the father contested, then he was sent for the DNA test (and had to pay for it - he got the money back if it turned out he wasn't the father)

Do some googling - that might still be the case if you want the DNA test.

I agree with the others though - getting him put on the birth certificate - even if that's possible without his input - is a recipe for trouble for you.

pastaandpesto · 02/08/2022 06:16

God God OP, if you are in the UK do NOT add this deadbeat man to your DD's birth certificate!

It could cause you no end of trouble if he suddenly wants to get involved (to punish you and make life difficult for you).

Plenty of time to add him later if he has a genuine change of heart motivated by wanting what's best for your daughter, although I wouldn't hold my breath.

sashh · 02/08/2022 06:20

Cupscake30333 · 01/08/2022 21:32

As helpful as I find your response, it is not about money, I can provide her with a happy life myself, it's about doing what's right and with my belief and how I raise my daughter that doesn't revolve around money. But thanks.

Show quote history

So pay it into an account for your DD's future.