Two boys age 6 and 3

[Isitmeanttobethishard]

As per my username, is it meant to be this difficult?

It feels like all day I’m on at both my DC, micro managing. The 3 year old I suppose it’s to be expected, but at age 6.5? It’s not necessarily to do things (although that does come into play) but it’s stuff I feel I shouldn’t have to say.

My house just feels chaotic, they’re both so loud, even when playing nicely. Screeching and racing around. In the paddling pool the older one will splash the younger, I’ll ask them not to, they’ll do it again straight away. They’re then told to come out, so get upset with me, tell me I’m being mean. Kick the side of the paddling pool several times, what feels like for a reaction rather than in sheer anger.

This is all just today! Meanwhile my 3 year old is the only one pulling his pants down in public, smiling and doing it again when I tell him not to. He just doesn’t give a shit about being told off!

I do have boundaries - plenty in fact. I worry I’m too strict as I’m nagging what feels like constantly, but otherwise they seem feral. My eldest doesn’t do what he’s asked in school either so it’s not a case of feral at home, angel everywhere else. Because of this I feel like I have to be even stricter at home.

Help! I feel like an absolute failure.

To offer a balance, yesterday I was looking after them solo for the day as DH was out. DS2 (3 year old) was being really challenging, tipped out all of his puzzle pieces in a rage
and kept screaming. I removed him to time out, and when I returned DS1 was tidying it all up, without me having asked. I praised him
to high heaven for this as I really do lay the praise on thick when I can, as I worry so much about the constant negative.

They were also both very well behaved in the cinema today, I took them on my own (they did have sweets though!). But I still had to nag them all the way there - to hold hands on the escalators, to stay by me whilst I was paying instead of running off. To wash their hands after using the toilet. It’s honestly every little tiny thing.

I had to giggle at parts of your post.. I have one baby boy who is just 6 months and I’m often wondering about having another.. what if I got TWO boys..!? What on earth would it be like.. Your house sounds like an absolute hoot. What fun!! I appreciate you might be very tired.. but do you know what I would really go with the madness. I would do a s* ton of sticker charts and try to get them in tip top shape doing chores together, but also having heaps of fun. If they can’t be serious that’s fine they’re babies still really. You are absolutely not a failure. You have two young boys!! You may aswell have two wild monkeys that you’ve just brought home from a safari to live with you. Their disobedience might seem serious but they’re still very young and there’s lots of time to learn. Boys learn an awful lot from having a brother. Sounds to me like they’re enjoying growing up together & you’re doing a great job in exhausting circumstances. Hope you can recharge your batteries along the way and enjoy some of the chaos together Xox

Thank you for your kind message! My tip would honestly be, go for some kind of gender selection method for a girl next time. Honestly. I obviously wouldn’t change the children I have now, but I am certain life would be easier and happier if one or both were girls. Certainly now, at these ages.

Although I know plenty of two boy families where they are lovely, sweet and quiet boys, so again nothing like my house!

My boys are the same ages and I live in the same noisy, chaotic environment! They're just not the sort of children to do quiet sitting down activities so we get out of the house as much as we can. Oldest has mild SEN and youngest copies his brothers behaviour and mannerisms so it just looks to others like I have two rude, uncontrollable boys! The fighting is getting too rough now so I often have to separate them to opposite ends of rooms as they deliberately wind each other up. Eldest will do the exact opposite to what he is told 🤷

Sorry I to hear you’re similar @Timeforsinging81 . Yes I feel that way, we look like one of those families with out of control kids who just don’t listen to the parents. We were on the train yesterday and on the way both kids were fine, but on the way home DS1 saw a friend so wanted to sit with her, and then DS2 wouldn’t sit with me so was wandering up and down the carriage, completely ignoring me when I asked him to sit down.

How do you cope? Do you use time outs, consequences etc? I have been removing TV from my DS1 as he loves it, but it doesn’t seem to be making a long term impact - last week we had 3 days where he had no TV, and he didn’t have it yesterday afternoon either.

I feel you OP. I have a 2 year old and an almost 6 year old. I also have an 8 week old, but he's the best behaved one out of the 3 boys so far.

I'm glad I'm not the only one suffering tbh, as it feels like my kids are the only ones that are like this sometimes.

When they play nicely together it's amazing, but that doesn't last long as inevitably one of them takes it too far and it all ends up in tears. I have to separate them when it gets to the point that they're just annoying each other (and me) too much. My eldest will happily take himself off to his room to play on his own now thankfully so that helps massively. Would your eldest do that? Even just 20-30 is enough time for everyone to calm down.

I've been sending them out in the garden a lot too, it helps them burn off some energy, and they seem to play together a bit nicer out there. I occasionally have to tell them to stop screaming but really, they're not half as bad as they are when they're inside. The best bit is when they come back inside, they'll happily sit watching something quietly with a snack for a bit, it's absolute bliss.

@YaaYaaYaa sorry you're in the same boat, and I completely resonate with what you mean about the 8 week old being the easiest!

Yes my eldest will play independently and that's great, there are plenty of pockets of nice-ness almost every day, but there is just so much disobedience, and I feel complete lack of respect. I basically feel like I've gone really wrong as neither child gives a shit about being told off, the eldest gets upset if he loses screen time but that's wearing off and clearly hasn't actually worked as he's lost it 50% of the time! When we are out, or meeting up with anyone, I always feel like they are the worst behaved - other children seem to listen when told to stop doing something, mine just ignore me a lot of the time.