Stressing over routine, sleep, feeds etc

[19annie86]

Currently have a 4 month old

I have gotten myself stressed out over trying to set a routine for them re sleep, feeds etc

When it doesn't fall into place and she don't sleep at certain times I get stressed

I want to know did I have a panic attack or anxiety attack, for a few minutes I couldn't talk and my breathing was very strange, afterwards my legs felt shaky

I know I shouldn't let myself get like this, only happened once, but as a first time mum I'm trying so hard

I personally don't do set routines for my 7 month old and never have.
I let her nap when she's tired, feed her when she's hungry and just go with how she's feeling.

She kind of has a loose routine, usually she's awake for 3 hours between naps and eats every 2ish hours, but sometimes she has short naps, sometimes she has a longer nap, sometimes she eats more often, sometimes she can stretch it out 3 hours before her next feed.

She's usually in bed by 9 and sleeps until 7. She's a very happy, chilled baby, so I don't think that a lack of routine is really having any negative impact.

Have you spoken to your GP about the panic attack and your need for control? Usually needing to control things is a symptom of anxiety- trying to control things when everything else seems out of control. It's completely normal and nothing that you should feel ashamed about

We never did set routines until after 12months. I felt there was no point as they go through so much change and i didn't want to be chained to the house for naps/food etc

You can’t really get into a set routine at that age - you can start to implement little rituals that you like to begin like bed time stories and stuff like that, but babies’ needs still change from what sometimes feels like week to week at that age or even day to day. They eat more, sleep less one week and then eat less, sleep more again the next etc. Timings are just not a thing at that age. Just go with the flow. As a pp said if you are getting yourself very anxious and panicky see your GP.

Same here. No routine until around DDs first birthday.

Didn't bother, we tried when she was tiny. Stressed me out and I didn't want to be the kind of mum who gets by on rigid routines, wake windows and feed routines.

Just followed her lead. She fell into her own routine by her first birthday anyway.

I really don't think such a tiny baby needs such a strict routine. Just follow your child's lead and needs.

Stop worrying about the routine and start worrying about yourself. Speak to your HV and GP about postpartum anxiety ASAP, there's a lot of help out there.

Can I ask do you have any of those baby tracking apps? For tracking feeds changes, sleeps etc?
If you do delete them all. Honestly I became obsessed with them instead dif listening to my baby's cues and relying on my own knowledge of my baby.
I'm a million times more relaxed now.

Once you drop the strict routine, you'll feel so much better for it.
Trust

Oops
Trust me, you will not be doing this with baby no.2+ if you have more.
Do you eat and drink at exactly the same time every day? I'm guessing not. Follow your baby's cues and feed on demand. Some days they will want to eat more - just as you do as an adult. They're not complicated creatures.

You don't need routines at that age. I'd say about one is when the wee ones find their own routine anyway. Enforcing a routine on a baby is (IMO and experience) bizarre and making life harder for everyone! Just go with the flow. Baby will let you know what he/she needs.

You’ve already had the best advice OP. I also have a 4 month old (DC 2) and she has no routine other than we wake up in the morning and go to sleep (sometimes!) at night. Older DC got into his own routine with time but I remember clearly wondering to myself when he was tiny at what point I should start ‘putting him to bed’. I had no idea. Don’t be hard on yourself. I take it as a win when mine has an unexpected nap and make
a beeline for the kettle…!!

Tried to have routines with dc1 and dc2. Start to accept by dc3 that routines seemed pointless as realised that as soon as you settled on a routine illness/development/growth spurt would mess up routine. Dc4 was a breeze as never even considered routines, has grown to be the most relaxed/easy going baby/toddler/child/teen, honestly nothing phases him or me 🙂

Routines only worked for us when DS was on 3 solid meals and 2 naps, so around 9 months? Prior to that it was wildly unpredictable, despite my best efforts.

And to add, even then it wasn’t strict as DS’ nap lengths were very inconsistent. Bedtime and wake up time were kept roughly the same as were meals, with some naps thrown in the middle. Predictable timings to the day only really happened after 1.