Please help- need sleep training advice

[Ladylout]

Hi, so we have a 7 week old and a toddler who is 2yrs 2months.
Toddler was breastfed to sleep and slept in his own bed in our room until 6 weeks before baby arrived in June.

He seemed happy to sleep in his own room but wakens 3 or 4 times per night. I can't cope with this on top of the baby's wakenings. I still feed him to sleep when he is going down for the night but for maybe 4 months I haven't fed him to sleep, I would just cuddle him and he would go over quite easily, usually. But when he wakens he won't go back over himself, always needs me to lie there cuddling him. He won't have DH at all and DH doesn't have any patience for it.

Has anyone used a gradual retreat method of sleep training that worked for a toddler? If so could you please share what you did/how long it took etc?

‘DH doesn’t have any patience for it’

fot what? Comforting HIS own child

i think if you had more support from your partner OP then you might find this time a little more easier to deal with. Of course he has no patience for it, that way he gets to stay in bed while you do all the hard work

i dont think your toddler is the issue. Up until recently he was fed and comforted whenever he wanted and now there’s been a huge change (your baby) so of course things are going to be tough - it’s usually sleep that’s affected when toddlers are dealing with things

rather than sleep training during a period where your toddler is clearly already struggling (I personally think sleep training is cruel) I would get your husband to get his arse into gear and help you out

I have great support from my husband. My little boy doesn't want his dad during the night as he is used to the comfort he gets from me, and he is extremely petted on me as he is with me all the time, his dad is the breadwinner.

What I need is info on how to very gradually teach my wee boy how to go back to sleep when he wakens during the night without feeling like he needs me. I don't want to do it in a harsh way, but if anyone has any tips I would greatly appreciate it.

Your toddler doesn’t understand that your newborn has needs. He thinks he’s been replaced by them. You’ve changed too much too soon.

Can your husband co-sleep with him somehow so he still has that comfort at least? Unless he’s a brain surgeon or pilot a bit of lost sleep shouldn’t be impossible.

Yeah I agree, now is not the time to train your toddler, he needs consistency and comfort and security, not change. Is there no way you can keep going in to him in the night? Express so your DH can feed the baby if you're stuck with the toddler?

General wisdom is to not make any major changes in your toddler's life for 3-4 months before or after the arrival of a baby, otherwise you risk massively unsettling and distressing your child.