Child maintenance advice

[BiscoffSundae]

split with ex 5 years ago In 5 years I have never had a single child maintenance payment as ex “isn’t working or claiming benefits” so no payment, I closed the case out of frustration last year for not receiving anything, however a week ago I opened the case again not for money, just for proof if I ever needed it that he never contributed a single penny to our children so I could show them in future (ex is a compulsive liar so wanted to cover my back on that) I am not expecting any payments I’ve made peace with that, his arrears have been wiped which is fine as I was never going to see them anyway. In 5 years I’ve had a case with them my ex has never engaged with them at all, he has ignored all calls and letters, so I was surprised to get a call from child maintenance a couple of days ago to say that they had spoken to my ex and he told them we are going to have a family based arrangement and he is going to be paying me directly, this is not true I have no contact at all with my ex and he hasn’t seen our children in 2 years, and he has paid nothing into my account, what happens if he lies to them will they take his word for it? I don’t want to have an arrangement with him I want to stick to cms even if that means not getting anything, can I do this or will they make me communicate with him? Just to add he is getting money through his own means but this can’t be proved so he is not living on nothing.

So when you told them this was an untruth

what did cms say?

they just kind of said ok we will continue with the case but I’ve looked on the online system and it says direct pay? I’ve asked for collect and pay, I just basically want to know if they can insist I go through him if he’s “agreed to pay” I don’t want to do this due to past behaviours so want to stick with collect and pay.

They have to give him the option to direct pay.. as collect costs more.. Each time he doesn't pay you log it then eventually it moves over to collect pay.

I was shocked on the phone call that I didn’t ask any questions I was a bit speechless at the cheek of it

So you didn’t say

”that is not the case”

you just said “thanks and bye”?

No it is your right to go through cms despite what he says

Yes of course I said it wasn’t the case, see my above comment...

My question was did you tell them it was an untruth

you said no

but now yes?

Sorry I just reread it and can see I didn’t answer that but yes I told them it was true and we have no contact but I didn’t get a chance to ask what would happen next.

It’s saying direct pay here but there are no payments planned so what does this mean I requested collect and pay? Anyone know?

Give cms a buzz on Monday

The cms should give him bank details to pay.. this is how it is done for my absent ex.. each tear cms reviewpayment..

I had qn issue with my ex bot paying. He was given 2 weeks i think to prove he had paid. I then had a period of tine to dispute it if he hadn't otherwise would go to collect from cms.. he then paid so cms did phone to confirm

I will call them tomorrow as I’ve found out from another group that all cases start on direct pay apparently 😒 it’s quite hard to get it onto collect and pay according to the other group.

For five years you’ve received nothing from him. And it would seem you will only get pittance from him or indeed anything at all if he’s on benefits / cash in hand.

So why do it to yourself?

@Happyandyouknowit82 because it’s for the kids and why should he get away with walking away from his responsibilities?

Agree re the principle.

But sometimes you weigh up principle versus stress and likely outcome. And in this scenario - I would think that I’m better off without the stress for pittance

You will need to report that he has t made a payment. Then it moves to collect and pay. This takes time to set up but they are not obstructive in setting it up.

It’s really not. I’m on collect and pay. Once he’d defaulted on a payment through Direct Pay I requested CP and got it. He still defaults / gets messy he used he is losing jobs and starting new ones but the arrears capture it

It’s not for the money, it’s so I can show the kids when older if I ever need to that I never got a penny, he is a compulsive liar and I don’t want him to come back in the future and claim he did pay for them. Just covering my back really, and he may get a job one day, doubtful but who knows. But it’s mainly for proof. I closed for the reasons you said but as I’ve sat and thought about it I would like the evidence if it’s ever needed in the future

I think fact he hasn’t bothered to see them for 2 years and is not suggesting seeing them at any point in the future will be all the ”evidence” they’ll need to see their mother was with them all the way, and completely supported them.

I would like to think so but unfortunately my 5 year old believes I’m the reason why she doesn’t see her father, can’t tell her the truth that he was meant to show up for her 4th birthday and just never turned up no phone call no text nothing, she last saw him when she was 3, I try to let her know as gentle as possible that it isn’t me stopping him but unfortunately kids aren’t always understanding I think at least if I can show he never bothered to pay anything it will help to show what type of man he was when she is older as he could come back and claim he tried to pay but I wouldn’t let him or some other nonsense

Op

if you are having to show “evidence” that your partner hasn’t paid - there has been a serious breakdown in relations.

Don’t be worried about your 5 year old. He has zero understanding of the complexities of life.

just don’t talk about or mention your ex. Given he has made no contact for 2 years, that shouldn’t be hard.

With time - they will see the simple truth

Anyway very easy for him to point blank lie and say that he used to give you £100 cash a week

Honestly they wouldn’t believe that as they would know they haven’t seen him, they are with me 24/7, I’m just going to leave it open not expecting much but it’s there if ever needed.