Positive parenting toddler/preschooler and social development

[Tiapia]

Hi everyone,

Has anyone else who does positive parenting has a soon to be 3 year old behind in their social development? My son is scoring just under 45 on his 2-3 year check. Doesn’t know if he’s a boy or a girl, sometimes struggles with sharing etc.

I was wondering if this might be an influencing factor as am often told by people I am too soft (for not smacking back and saying gentle hands, etc.) and not scolding but removing a toy if thrown etc. my son does have tantrums which cause people to tut and stare (recent ones including he will not get a doughnut, or entire doughnut right now) or wants another child’s toy at a playground etc. where if I cannot console him we will eventually leave. I get told often I am not firm enough but implement boundaries. He says please and thank you, nursery have said he’s very polite can take turns fine in structured baking activity. No interest in dressing/undressing yet (will say I can’t do it) he is physically able to do a lot but is refusing. I try and make things into a fun game but 9/10 it will not work he has no interest. He’s an only child too but we do get out often so he can interact with other children and will usually play very well with 1-2 others at a time, the nursery have said he gets a bit nervous in larger groups.

I feel positive parenting is so talked about but in reality nobody must actually do it, particularly with younger children. So many people threaten smacks, tell them they’re naughty, threaten to take a toy away for something unrelated then pretend like everything is hunky doory to hv.I mentioned occasionally I have to resort to time out and seemed like I was a terrible person. I feel like I’m at a loss and it doesn’t help we are going through the family court (da) so know this will be used against me. My son also doesn’t like if my attention is diverted and trying to talk to someone on a video call but still interacting with him too made his behaviour worse and it makes it harder to concentrate on what they are saying and parent in my usual way too.

Any advice welcome.

This is why I hate that every child is held to the same development standard - just like adults some children aren’t as social. Doesn’t mean they’re behind or somethings wrong.

sounds like you’re doing a great job OP. There is never any need to smack or belittle a child so ignore what everybody else is saying. Unless you’re asking them to do the parenting, it’s none of their business how you raise your child.

how can we expect kids to grow up to be calm and respectful when adults shout at them, punish them for having mood swings etc

ignore them

Gentle parenting doesn't mean you never displease a child or reprimand a child. It means you do not humiliate or hit a child.
Gentle parenting still has the word "parenting" in it, which means educating, which means teaching social behaviour, moral behaviour and intellectual enrichment. Social and moral imply that sometimes things don't go as the child wants.
No child grows in a bubble, so there will be moments in which sharing, taking turns, or doing stuff is expected. By not teaching those, your child will become unhappy.
He won't be the centre of the universe forever and for everyone . You should be bale to make a phone call without tantrum.
If he makes a scene because he wants someone's toy, you shouldn't console him.
I believe you have a misconception of what gentle parenting is @Tiapia

What is positive parenting? I’m a gentle parent but there are still consequences. Sharing is not a normal developmental stage but turn taking is.

why does he not know he is a boy? Has he never asked why he has a penis and you don’t? Or similar questions?

what others things/areas is he struggling with?