Morning Battle

[Fidgitigdif123]

I love being a mum to my 2 and a half year old daughter, but every single morning we have the same battle of her not wanting to eat breakfast and tantruming.
She'll get up around 7, and we'll go downstairs. I'll bring her breakfast through from the kitchen to her and she'll sit down, take one look/have one bite of it and then run off to go and play.
She'll cry, scream and throw herself around if I ask her eat her breakfast.
She refuses to eat anything at all, and by the time she's actually calmed down, it's nearly snack time, and sometimes, lunch time. She's always given a choice of what she wants to eat for breakfast.
She's never been a big eater as it is, but has always been a healthy weight, and up until recently, eaten 3 meals a day plus snacks.
Had a chat with the health visitor, and they've said to just keep serving her breakfast as usual, and trying to encourage her to eat it.

Do you have to offer breakfast immediately? Maybe just let her potter about a bit and play first and let her build up an appetite.

It would be worth trying breakfast later. Neither of mine like breakfast straight away, they’ll have a warm drink and then go a good hour or so till they are ready for breakfast.

Don’t serve breakfast so early or serve breakfast and when you’ve finished yours then move on to getting ready. Maybe she just isn’t hungry. This is only a battle because you’ve made it into a battle.

I would move to breakfast to a communal table, put breakfast foods on the table, and sit and eat my breakfast. No TV on anywhere. I suspect she'll eventually join you and choose something to eat. If not, don't worry about it and serve snack at the normal time.

When my kids were little they were opposites. My son would pull us out of bed early to have breakfast first thing as he was hungry. He's like me, I am very much a breakfast person and I'm a nicer person once I've had it. Both of us like to know when and what our next meal is!

My daughter didn't and still doesn't want to eat early. In the end she just used to have a brioche and/or a hot chocolate. She is like her dad who doesn't like eating breakfast and just has a shake/ smoothie on a workday unless he can leave it til later and have brunch. If she's otherwise eating healthy things and a healthy weight I wouldn't worry. Maybe you could make the snack more breakfast-y or substantial if it's something light and small now?

Mine don’t tend to eat breakfast until about an hour or two after they get up (around 8/8.30) so would it be worth trying that?

I would suggest you serve all meals at a table in the kitchen so that she isnt distracted by toys/other exciting things to do (we also had a rule of no toys at the table which also helped). Maybe try a couple of small bits of interesting foods and some milk, then when she eats those, add another couple of bites the next day. So a quarter of a piece of toast with butter and jam, 1 slice of apple, 2 cut up grapes. Etc

It's a tough one but what works well for us is a simple sounding rule. We decide what to offer and when and where to offer it, and the child can decide what, whether, when and how much to eat within those constraints.
If he skips a meal that's fine and there will be a snack later.
Remember kids won't starve themselves and they know better than you what they need for each meal, you know what they need available.

In terms of limits, because of their age you may need some prompts. We have a big clock and I say breakfast is over at x o clock, then 15,10,5 minute warnings, and if he doesn't eat that's totally fine.

Don't put too much on the plate, only serve the amount you are prepared to waste.

Good luck, it's not easy!

Make as many meals as possible communal meals, at a table.

Don't take meals to her, she comes to the meal, as does everyone else.

Make meal time fun - talk about stuff with her, but no electronic distractions - TV, tablet etc (applies to everyone sitting at the table).
Don't give her a choice of what to eat, although give her something you know she likes.
If she doesn't eat at the set mealtime, take the food away and then she waits until the next scheduled snack or meal time - but make sure a snack is a snack, and not a meal.

Is she definitely hungry? My DS the same age always wants to cuddle then play before breakfast. Why don't you let her help? Ie, for cereal I put the cereal in one cup and milk in another and be pours them both in himself? He's going through a no eating phase at the moment so if he doesn't want it I tell him it's going away and hes fine with that. If he does that I'll bring lunch forward a little.

Just don't make her eat breakfast, continue to offer it, if she doesn't eat it that's fine.

Or offer it a bit later.

Some people don't like to eat first thing. If she's been telling you that every morning and you're not listening it's no wonder she's getting frustrated! Would you be frustrated if you'd told someone something everyday and they just carried on regardless as of they hadn't heard you?

If she is having three meals and snacks offered I wouldn't worry if she's not eating breakfast. My daughter is the opposite and doesn't often eat dinner. I concentrate on getting food into her earlier in the day as a result. Sounds like you need the opposite approach?

I've never been a big breakfast person. I'm 30 and still not a fan!

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. Just say she doesn’t have to eat it if she doesn’t want to? Ours are generally big eaters but sometimes they don’t feel like it and that’s fine. But my rule is they have to wait for snack time if they miss a meal - they don’t get to graze all day. Don’t turn it into a power play!- you won’t win.

Similar to what others have said - we tend to do get up, cuddles, get dressed etc then downstairs for a bit of fruit and maybe a breadstick. Then cereal comes about an hour later.

We began this because of going to nursery during the week (LO needed something before he got there) and it's now become normal whether he's going or not! Good luck. Xx

It’s probably just a phase. Maybe try giving her breakfast a bit later, if possible. Or if not, just serve it and if she doesn’t want it just accept that and take it away and provide the rest of the day’s snacks and meals as normal. I don’t think making a conflict out of it works because they become even more stubborn and it creates a battleground for meals which is not good.

I echo other posters - don't make this into a battle. There's food there if she wants it and if she doesn't then that's ok, I wouldn't bother trying to encourage her much as it's creating unnecessary conflict. She doesn't need to eat it, she's getting other meals. If she massively drops weight then look at it again but the likelihood is that she will come back to it when theres nothing to push against.

You could try to do things Montessori style - have everything she needs for her breakfast in easily accessible drawers and cupboards and encourage her to get her own bowl and spoon, put her own cereal in the bowl, pour her own milk (from a pre-filled jug), get her own drink. Also, eating together in the kitchen/dining room away from toys and distractions.

That's a great idea! We do that to a small degree as our toddler hads to get his tray and cutlery and face cloth himself, that reduces our frustration at having prepared everything at the table and him not coming. At least if he prepares some things and doesn't eat, it's not so bad.
I like the idea of extending that to the actual food etc rather than just utensils etc.

When/where do you eat breakfast if it's not with her?? My 3.5 year old eats breakfast with us at the table and doesn't have time to even enter elsewhere during the week as he's out the door by just gone 8. If she's seeing you not eating it (or eating it later/elsewhere etc) then try just giving it to her at the same time as you and give her a choice about what she wants from a range of pre selected 'ok to eat for breakfast' options. But as others have said, if you don't need her to eat as soon as she's come downstairs (and you also eat breakfast later) then why can't she just do that?

If you don't eat breakfast at all then I'd still advise sitting at the table with her even, drinking a coffee and perhaps a small thing like toast to model the behaviour that you want to see from her.

Ugh, my 3yoDS is like this. He actually isn’t a great eater, wakes up hungry, is grumpy because he’s so hungry, but it often too upset to eat! On really bad days, I make him half a slice of toast and a little dipping bowl of honey. I put it out on the little table on our front porch. He lets himself out the front door when he’s ready, has a quiet “first breakfast” outside which helps him to calm down, the honey gives him a quick blood sugar boost, and then he usually comes inside for something more substantial like eggs or toast with hazelnut butter. It’s frustrating though! He can really scream the house down some days, purely because he’s “too hungry to eat” 🙄 I really do try not to pander to him too much when he’s on the war path like that though.