Help! Getting my two year old to sleep better

[lucielou82]

My nearly two year old has always been a crap sleeper! It had got a bit better but then I got into the habit of bringing her into my bed at 11am and now it's just awful. A typical night

Home from nurser 5-5.30.
Snack, play, tv until 6
Bath6-6.15
Wind down, stories, bottle, bed
I then put her in the cot and read her a story calmly but she will never lie down or let me tuck her in! She's just hyper.
I think say goodnight and sometimes she's fine and entertains herself and falls asleep, but recently she's been getting upset and I've gone in and resettled her.

She now wakes up crying at about 9.30pm uncontrollably so I take her to my bed where she wiggles and squirms! Most nights she asks for milk and I give in! Is it worth doing any sleep training? I'm a single mum working full time and this is breaking me! If anyone has been through similar and successfully got a sleeping toddler at the end please let me know

Xxx

Sounds tiring!! What about during the day, is she still having a nap?

@Hodgepodge211 she sleeps at nursery between 1-2 hours xxx

Dd is a little older than yours but we've been there! She's just over 2 now and honestly sleep is an area where we do well for a while then something changes and we have a bit of a rubbish time for a while - i think it's all normal for their age!

Things you could try - shortening / dropping naps depending on how long / how many she is doing in the day to make sure she's a bit more tired at night

Sleep training - you'll likely get flamed on here or begged not to do it (and so will I for suggesting it) as it's such an emotive topic. There are a range of different methods and some are much gentler than others, you can pitch it where you're happy and frankly you have to do what works for your family

Make your peace with cosleeping - if it's not actually too annoying for you maybe just keep doing it, you don't have to get her back in her room just because it's society saying it's right! Again do what works for you and your dc

We found whatever we tried we stuck with for a week to give it a proper go. If after that it wasn't working we tried again. So pick a week where you know you can commit and be consistent.

What time so you put her down to sleep? My little one genuinely needs less sleep than some. If I put him down before 7.30 he'd be the same. He's just shy of 2. Goes to sleep at 7.30-8 ish, wakes at 6.30-7ish. 1 nap of 1hr 30 mins - any more than that and I have to put bedtime back a bit.

My elder one dropped her nap at 21/2 - when bed time started getting later and later we had to cut the nap down and down until it was just 20 min cat nap

I mean, on paper your routine looks about right. Have you thought about investing in one of those Tonies boxes to read her a story when you leave the room? I don’t have one but friends rave about them. I wonder if something like that can keep her calm enough to fall asleep. If she’s falling asleep still quite pent up then it might explain why she’s waking at 9.30. Also for you to consider…. 2.5 was the age nightmares kicked in for my DS so we banned certain TV shows of an evening and were careful about what books we read.

So much good advice already! My daughter naturally has so much energy, even the nursery say how does she never get tired! When she comes home I can tell she's tired but I also feel she wants to spent some quality time with me! I did actually have her in a good routine but her dad would always cosleep with her (he only has her over one night a week) but it's rubbed off! I hate cosleeping because she kicks me and pushes me off the bed (haha it's crazy a little baby can do that)! I am starting to leave her to cry for ten minutes at a time before I go in and sometimes she resettles! At the moment she has a bad cough at night so probably not the best time to start sleep training but once it's gone I will try again. I'm fine to do it throughout the evening but it's when 10-11pm hits and I'm ready for bed I just end up giving in and bringing her into bed with me xxx

@ReeseWitherfork I do have one and will try again! She was great at settling herself and playing with her teddy but now she gets so distressed when j leave the room! Our routine is lovely and calming and has been the same since she was born, but she always wants one more story! I now place her in the crib and she cries but j read her one more story whilst she is in the cot and I sit on the floor next to her! (I have to admit I'm probably a little weak and give in to her when she asks for a cuddle etc)

When does she eat dinner? If she’s eating it earlier than 5pm pick up at nursery then she probably needs another in the evening when home
My 2 year old doesn’t nap every day now

As a comparison, here with 2 year old:
dinner - 6-7pm
play, walk around block, in garden, bath
Bedtime:8.30pm, sleeps 9/9.30pm
Wakes:7am
Naps max 3 times per week, and some of those just a 15 min nap in car.

could you give a bigger snack or second dinner at 6pm. Then move bedtime to more like 7.30-8pm.

Hi @Caspianberg I have really wondered if she is still hungry! She has a small breakfast at home, breakfast at nursery, snack, lunch, snack and dinner at nursery! I offer her sandwich and snacks when home but she's not that interested sometimes! But she always drinks her milk and then for example, I tried to get her out of having milk in the night so last night just offered water she was up every hour or so! I caved at 4.30pm and got her a bottle of milk and she has been asleep since! (I haven't haha hence early message) xxx

I had this, my 2 year old would start off in his bed then come into mine. I started off by whenever he got upset I would go into his room and sit/lie down on his bed until he went back to sleep and then left and went back to bed (he has a full size single though) took about 4 nights of broken sleep for me but he sleeps through now and I don't hear him at all. This was 3 months ago and even if we've had a couple of nights of cosleeping due to him being ill (chickenpox) he's gone back to it really easily. I also didn't give him a drink after he's been asleep at the same time, even if he asked for it. It was the best thing I did! Xx

Have you ever been able to settle her in her room rather than bringing her in? I would start there. It is more disruptive in the short run but it will help her stay in her bed. So when she wakes up you go and resettle her in her own bed. If you have to give milk to do this, that's fine. You can work on cutting that out later - it's apparently easiest to change timing then location then method. Thinking about it this has been what I've done although I never really followed a method.

If she wakes up again in the night and it's after say midnight, and you can't face the hassle of getting her down, bring her into your bed. Then just make that boundary (before this only settle in her bed, after this can bring into my bed) later and later for yourself.

After that I found to increase the time I delayed before offering milk was helpful. At first I tried this and tried totally different methods instead during my delaying time and that didn't work. What worked was doing exactly the same as I would normally do before feeding but doing it very slowly. That way DS seemed to feel that the milk was on its way and wasn't as upset.

Or something I tried DS1 around this age was saying I can't sleep when you're wriggling. I want to sleep and I need you to be still and quiet, or you can wiggle as much as you want in your bed. I would then take him back to his bed if he was too wriggly. I was nice and said goodnight although he usually cried for a few seconds and then went to sleep because he was tired too. I didn't like going back and forth to his room and a genius MNer gave me the suggestion of letting him come to me. He was already in a single bed so you'd have to move your DD but that might work. It meant I could lie with him in bed if he was unsettled, but mostly what I did was put a gate on the stairs and when I heard him cry at night I called through his name and said come in here, which he would. But because he had to expend the effort and not me, he naturally started doing this less and less.

Can you give her a milky type food before bed (will she eat porridge for example?) My first thought was perhaps hunger. I would try not to give in & bring her into your bed. It might involve crying/complaining but stay with her & calmly reassure. It may take a couple of weeks. My 2yo wakes at night, she might have some water & then we sit with her till she falls back to sleep. I only bring her into mine if she's poorly.

Wonder if things are too early now for her - mine was 2 last month and our day is

wake 7
breakfast of croissant, fruit and milk 7:45
nursery 8:30 - 5:30 (has lunch and dinner here)
either then eats another dinner with us or just porridge/weetabix at 6:15
sometimes bath at 7, sometimes not
into room for 7:30
alseep between 8-8:30

we read 2 stories, have a cup of milk and then brush his teeth. White noise is on and if he wakes in the night I always wait 5 mins before going in as sometimes he just can’t find his blanket.

giving a cuddle, comforting her isn’t ‘giving in’ btw