So very afraid

[DahliaRose3]

This topic has been weighing on my mind for quite a while now, and genuinely makes me anxious.

My baby is due November, and I think I may have made a horrible mistake by getting pregnant. I love my baby so much, and it wasn’t easy getting pregnant but I’m so scared for him.

The state of the planet and the increasing problems caused by climate change scare me. Most of us are just ignoring things, and carrying on. Using balloons, creating plastic waste, killing our planet etc. I genuinely don’t feel like our governments care. The Amazons are being sold off and cut down. Greenwashing, “sustainable”
palm oil, the list goes on.

We are likely to be overheating and struggling for food in the not so distant future.

Last year and last week we were genuinely struggling in our U.K. flat which overheats easily & due to an ongoing legal issue out of our control we can’t even move out. I’m worried to go out on hot days because I can’t leave my cat in 30-40C heat, most days we are at 27C with fans on and windows wide open.

My family live in a hot country. What will happen to them? What will happen to my child? I’m sorry that I won’t be around to protect or help him ☹️ & that I will be bringing him into this shit future.
And my nieces and nephews? And all the animals that are embroiled in our mess?

We all know what is coming. And it is hard to carry on like things are going to be okay, when all around us disaster is striking; and not even the kind of disaster that will pass.

Is it just me that is truly scared?

A revolution seems like the only way to possibly get somewhere, but is anyone prepare to do that? Protests have done nothing. This isn’t even a climate issue, it’s a life issue.

This isn’t about being positive, or fatalistic - it’s just our reality. It’s easy to just bury our heads in the sand and act positive, but that won’t change things.

Honestly, I just do what I can and don't worry about the rest.

Also, be aware that hormonal changes in pregnancy can trigger MH issues such as anxiety and depression. Might be worth mentioning to your midwife.

Thanks for your concern.

I appreciate where you’re coming from but it’s not hormones or MH issues, and I think it’s a bit condescending to suggest it is.

Is it not normal to be genuinely concerned about our children’s future given the state of our planet? So many young people I speak with have chosen not to procreate for exactly this reason.

You're not alone - I'm terrified too. The feeling of powerlessness is awful - plus everyone around me carrying on with their normal lives without a care in the world. I don't know the answer, unfortunately. But I have to stop myself apologising repeatedly to my own kids, for the future they'll have to deal with.

Do you believe in a higher power? I trust my children are being sent to me for a reason and they'll be okay. Someone posted about this the other week and one person answered - every mother in all of time would have had similar concerns - wars, famine, plagues. I think the world is in crisis to an extent but I think it was in the past too and we can't live in fear, we can only do our best to protect what we have. I honestly don't think God would send me any children if there wasn't a future here, I'm very spiritual so those beliefs help. If you look at the world hundreds of years ago there was dreadful things going on, mothers worried the same I'm sure, if not more. All you can do is have faith and trust and focus on love, you don't want your baby growing up in fear or feeling your anxiety. At the end of the day there's so much we can't control and we have to be okay with that - I don't think anyone would really live if they constantly thought about what is or what could go wrong x

I don't blame you OP.

I wonder what it would have been like to have children during a war, or a famine. In some ways it must be worse, more immediate, with a higher likelihood of death in the near future. But in a war or a famine I guess you have some hope that it will end. This will not end, it will get worse and worse.

Covid is passing, the war in Ukraine is awful but temporary, Brexit is a shitshow but mainly economic pain. But climate change could mean the end of our way of life.

On a practical level you shouldn't open the windows, only during the cool of morning/evening as otherwise you're letting hotter air inside. I remember how uncomfortable being heavily pregnant in a heatwave was many years ago so anything you can do to ease that discomfort will help.

If you look back over history, many generations have thought the end of the world was nigh and humans have a tendency to leave it til the last minute to make meaningful change. We are in very scary times but I don’t think it necessarily follows that it will be a scary outcome.

Thanks we kept the windows, blinds and curtains shut from early morning until the temperatures outside lowered considerably at night, around 11pm. Then we were able to cool down our flat slightly.

With respect, you said yourself in your op you're anxious, so it's not condescending, or a stretch to say you're suffering with anxiety.
Yes, the world is scary, always has been for one reason or another. Thinking you shouldn't have gotten pregnant and worrying to this extent, is actually concerning, and a midwife would want to be made aware you were having those thoughts.

Please talk to your midwife. There's absolutely no shame in doing so.

It’s crap but in my opinion never have so many people been aware and worried about this than they are right now. I have hope that the societal tipping point is coming. When it does, real change will happen. We all need to focus on working towards that tipping point because that is really the only thing that will save us.
Yes it does feel a bit hopeless at times. Each one of us is so insignificant yet so significant.
However, having a child (ideally 3) is extremely important.
Just as likely as climate change will be the total nightmare that will come with a huge aging population and no younger adults to work, earn, generate food, energy and supplies, if the population continues to decline as predicted after 2050.
Imagine those having children in the last ice age. No one knew if it would ever end and talk about bleak. Yet children were born every day for hundreds of years

When you are pregnant your mother/ maternal instinct is so heightened that this will all play on your mind. I remember with my first baby the war in Kuwait started and my dh was obsessed with watching it. I got so anxious and would go into another room as l couldn't bear my baby to be in such a horrible world and felt the whole world was falling apart. He is now 32 and flying so all that anxiety was a total waste of energy.
This quote ..who of you by worrying can add one day to your life..helps me . Please try and rein in your thoughts and take one day at a time.

Thanks for your response. I believe in a higher being, but I don’t believe that will protect us from whatever is coming. If that were the case, no one would suffer and praying would solve all. I suppose I can try and find some comfort in that.

I don’t plan on raising my baby in fear. Naturally mothers throughout time have been fearful and faced disaster, war, famine etc. But they didn’t face what we will be facing.

I’m hoping some brilliant scientists and geniuses manage to turn things around for us. I am aware of the positive steps that are being taken to improve things, good news with respect to our planet and positive change.

Again, I don’t need to speak to my midwife, and were my mental health bad I could advocate for myself and find support should I need it.

Yes, perhaps getting pregnant was a mistake knowing the pain my child will endure in the future as the planet burns up (40C will be a mild temperature). It doesn’t change my situation, I am very much having this baby and will have to survive like everyone else. But knowing all of this, perhaps it was selfish of me to do so.

Raising my concerns and having anxiety about the planet and my childs future doesn’t make me mentally unstable, and that is what I find condescending. People with anxieties manage to navigate the world without having to “get help” just because they’ve aired a concern. This isn’t a concern about everything bad that can happen when one has a child.

This is a forum for discussion.

It just means I am aware of the very real world issues we are facing with respect to climate change, which are only getting worse.

I don’t blame you for being worried, but I think there are very few times in human history when there weren’t equivalent or worse things to worry about, from plague to war to starvation. The Black Death killed half the population of Europe. Crisis is the norm, not the exception.

I realise that that is not necessarily cheering, but it is a precedent for people carrying on and making the best of the situation they find themselves in.

All you can do is ensure that your own actions aren‘t contributing to the crisis more than you can help, and try to make the most sensible decisions for your family that you can in the light of your fears.

I know what you mean op. I generally thank god we are in the uk and so will suffer less than many other countries. And I think I try to get dc to appreciate a simpler life so no
flying and learn how to grow their own food . Small steps but I feel I’m doing something.

@DahliaRose3 I hear you, however we also need people to save the planet, so it’s my humble opinion that having children is the right thing to do. Very few generations have been able to reasonably expect a better world for their children, throughout history these were likely people living in considerably worse circumstances than we are now. Thankfully they still had children which is while we’re all here today.

Many generations did grow up and inherit a far better world than their parents had. generations ago the majority of people posting on here would be dying in childbirth, or dying of a UTI or infected wound. They would have been losing children to infectious diseases regularly. Or would have been near constantly trying to fend off hunger. They may not have been able to read or write. Take a glance at any history of the Black Death and marvel at the impossible horror of it all. Yet, eventually, this terrible event did end and finally heralded an era of prosperity, freedom from serfdom, better pay and living conditions and even extended life expectancy.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but while the outlook might seem grim right now there’s every possibility that it will be better for our children than we can even imagine.

Huge hugs to you, I'm in a similar boat worrying about climate change. You can only do what you can to help really. Public pressure against huge oil conglomerates, an appetite for renewable energy and a mass of people eating less meat will hopefully push some change.

Also thinking smart for the future will help your DC. Do research for when you move in terms of flooding risks (sea level as well as surface level, and what is likely to be affected by 2050...a lot of my friends seem to be ignorant on this and buying riverside or beachside properties)

I’m confused, you say you’re anxious and then you say you’re kind of not?

Its not condescending to say it’s hormones. Pregnancy anxiety happened to me. It was awful. It went as soon as my dd was born. The brain wants to protect the unborn child so can raise anxiety levels to make you more aware of danger.

Why put up a post asking for help with anxiety and then say you’re not, or reject all comments?

You're right about all of that. It's dire. I worry about all of it.
But that baby is coming whether you want it to or not, and you need to step up and help him/her develop into a resilient and capable person.

I suggest you read some Stoic philosophy. It's the only grown-up way to live.

Floods will rob us of one thing, fire of another. These are conditions of our existence which we cannot change. What we can do is adopt a noble spirit, such a spirit as befits a good person, so that we may bear up bravely under all that fortune sends us and bring our wills into tune with nature’s.
- Seneca, Letters from a Stoic

Start with:
theconversation.com/want-to-be-happy-then-live-like-a-stoic-for-a-week-103117#:~:text=Stoicism%20holds%20that%20the%20key,calm%20indifference%20towards%20external%20events.

It really does sound like you might have sone MH issues. And I’m not saying that to be ‘condescending’.

Don’t ask for advice if you don’t want it. Please speak to your midwife or GP.

I have no advice OP, other than to say that I feel exactly the same. The posters saying she needs help for anxiety don't seem to get that this isn't some kind of irrational fear or phobia.

The only suggestion I have is that you follow a sort of Buddhist philosophy of living in the moment only and trying not to think too far ahead. There are lots of books around to get you into this frame of mind. Also, I'm not an activist myself, and maybe I should be, but I have heard that becoming actively involved in fighting for these causes can help you to deal with the feelings of helplessness and powerlessness.

You don't have to have mental health issues to be panicked about climate change. If you're not worried you're not paying attention. It's one of the reasons I've chosen not to have children.

I am old now, but in my day it was the fear of atomic warfare. I believe we should bring our children up to be decent members of society and we have to equip them with studies and suchlike, but I also did my best to make sure that my dd had a happy childhood as we have no guarantees that our children will reach adulthood.

I try my best to keep my carbon footprint to a minumum and am happy with my government's (not UK) actions on climate change. Congratulations on your pregnancy.