What fresh sleeping hell is this?

[AndAnotherTwo]

Ds is almost a year old and has been a fairly crappy sleeper for the last 6 months. I used to breastfeed him to sleep (I know big mistake) but now that doesn't work anymore (no more let downs). He was ok with just patting for a while and whenever I put him in my bed he'd really sleep well.

Anyway, he goes to bed ok on most nights. He still sleeps in my bedroom in a cot next to the bed.mosz nights he will eventually fall asleep in the cot. I usually have to Pat him (but not always) and it can take a while. The real.problem however starts when he wakes up on the night (usually a couple of hours later.so after one sleep cycle I assume). He just screams and screams till oje of us picks him up and walks with him. Just carrying him Nd sitting down or standing isn't good enough. We need to keep walking. He won't sleep in my bed either. He needs to be walked.

I'm so tired. I've got plantar fascitis and at the moment it feels as if I'm walking on daggers. He probably thinks he's a tiny little baby Nd doesn't understand why we make a fuss but he's absolutely massive and weighs more than 11kg. I just can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted. I don't want to let him cry it out. He anyway screams his head off for hours every night till he finally fall asleep ok exhaustion but I couldn't just leave him .

What do I do? I just don't know how to cope anymore.

He has also recently started nursery which I guess is making it worse.

Sorry this is all so chopped up. I'm so tired and struggling to think straight

Own room and controlled crying. Honestly, it'll be a brutal week, but then it will be over.

His room is small and gets really hot so I don't want to put him in there till after September.

I don't want to do controlled crying. I know he cries a lot anyway even like this but at least he won't he won't he scared. He's just pissed off that I'm not walking with him.

This is an ingrained sleep association, you need to replace it with something else more manageable. Like the patting or similar.
This is not going just happen. You’re going to have to make it happen. He will fight it. It will involve crying. There are gentle sleep training methods you can look into that you might like more but it will still involve some crying.
There is no magic, easy solution to fix this. All babies would sleep 12 hours a night if there was.

I'm ok with some crying. It looks like that can't be avoided. I just can't keep walking with him all night.

Today I held him but sat down. He tried to wriggle free and screamed his head off. He finally quietened down and fell asleep exhausted after about an hour and another hour later i was able to put him in his cot. I've just eaten all my daughter's chocolate buttons because I'm so tired and so frustrated (and a glutton). I can't do this anymore.

Have you completely stopped breastfeeding then? How is his solids intake through the day? When was the last time you attempted to settle him with the breast?

Is he teething? Molars wake my ds during the night

Gradual retreat. If he's crying anyway it probably won't be worse than what's already happening, and you won't be leaving him alone to cry. It will help remove whatever sleep association he might have developed. Truly the best thing we ever did.

This isn’t a quick fix. You will need to sleep train.

Personally the way I've always dealt with things like this is by replacing the sleep association gradually.

So for me when I was co sleeping if DS woke up he would only go back to sleep if breast fed or rocked/bounced.

So what I started doing was when he'd wake I'd start off with 2 minutes of the new sleep association (for me it was cuddling lying down in bed together). So I'd do 2 mins of cuddling when he first woke, he'd cry etc and after the 2 mins I'd then rock/bounce and if after say 15 mins that didn't work I'd then breast feed. I stuck at this for a week at first.

Then week 2 i extended my times. So I'd do say 3-5 mins of cuddling (depending on how hysterical he was, if he was pretty calm I'd push it to 5 mins). Then rocking/bouncing for 15 mins, and eventually breast feeding.

I found that by the end of week 2 he started falling asleep at the end of the 15 minutes rocking/bouncing.

So then week 3 I'd do 5-8 minutes cuddling, this week I noticed he started getting drowsy during the cuddling but would wait for the rocking to fully drop off, but at this point I could cut the rocking down to 10 mins.

By week 4 about 4/7 nights he fell asleep by 10 minutes of cuddling and on the nights he didn't, he'd be asleep within 5 minutes of rocking.

By week 5 I didn't need any rocking and he happily went to sleep just cuddling.

I dont know if this is necessarily a recommended method but it definitely worked for us.

I've now transitioned him to his own room and he's back to needing rocked as he's in a cot where the sides don't come down annoyingly so I'm restarting the process this week of trying to lie him down and pat him to sleep for 2 mins then if not ill do rocking, hopefully the method works again🤞

I still put him on the breast before putting him to bed but I don't have a let down I think. I give him a bottle of formula as well (though he rarely has much or any).

He loves solids and eats very well. Come to think of it though he used to be a brilliant sleeper till his was 6 months but started waking up lots in the night once we started solids. It could be coincidence though.

My daughter went through a period of this, would lose her shit if I sat down wanted me standing all the time. Honestly… you just need to stand your ground (no pun intended) and not do it, there will be tears no doubt about it but just stop. Put him in his cot and sit next to it and offer reassured +- patting, eventually he will fall asleep. Bare in him he is crying because it’s a change and he’s angry not because he’s scared or in pain or in any really distress you are right there with him.

The funny thing is that I actually never walked with him to make him fall asleep so I'm not sure if it's really a sleep association that he has. I just breastfed or patted him to sleep. Insisting on being walked is a new thing and I don't want to get into the habit of doing that.

I wonder if it's got to do with nursery. Maybe he's just feeling really unsettled and insecure. I know at nursery they are carrying him most of the time because it's the only thing that stops him from crying (which I really appreciate and don't want them to stop).

However I don't see the sleep situation improving once he settles into nursery as his sleep has been getting worse and worse from 6 months on. I also don't think I can cope with weeks of no sleep.

In what way is he ‘insisting’ on being walked? He can’t have told you that. You’ve discovered that it works by doing it! Or has this been started at nursery?
In the end there is really only 2 choices - some form of sleep training, and I’d be getting him into his own cot and into his own room. Or you accept this is the way it is and wait for him to outgrow it.
Sleep training will involve some crying and will need you to be consistent and to mean it.

He screams till I walk with him. I think most babies naturally like being carried while walking. The rocking motion is probably soothing.

Agree absolutely

It just seems strange that he's still happy to nurse for comfort at other times, but not through the night. If his solids are good, and if you've tried to bottle feed him at night to rule out hunger, then it's just purely comfort he wants rather than a feed, so the lack of let down shouldn't make a difference. Does he refuse to nurse at all through the night? It seems odd that he would at other times accept the breast, but not through the night.

Just a different train of thought because you said you don't want to sleep train - which is absolutely fair enough as a personal choice and don't let anyone make you think you MUST do this or you're silly not to want to. I would be trying to reinstigate nursing through the night if I were you.

Although @Jurassiclovers approach also seems like it could be a good option for you based on what you have said.

I went to see the health visitor today and asked her. She said it sounds like he screams in the night because his stomach is aching. This would explain why he is ok to fall asleep in the cot when I initially put him to bed and why he just screams in the night and won't be comforted even if I put him in the bed next to me and cuddle him. She has asked me to stop his formula before bedtime and move his dinner earlier. He doesn't usually have much formula before bed. Rarely more than 60ml. However, he does have a very big meal for dinner (all his meals are big. He just never seems to be full....).

We tried that today. He had dinner at 5pm and I've just put him to bed. Funnily enough today he didn't easily go into the cot. He only did after drinking about 120ml ( ie 4 ounces) of formula. Maybe he was hungry because he had dinner an hour earlier.

I'm not sure how to phase out the formula before bedtime. He doesn't always have it and rarely much but he's used to at least having the test in his mouth and if he's hungry he will drink some. The health visitor suggested offering a wholemeal biscuit before bedtime so he's not hungry.

Im not sure if we'll figure out if the stomach ache is his problem tonight as he has had so much formula (which apparently is difficult to digest ). But then he's been having a bottle with formula before bed since he's been a few days old so I'm not sure why that suddenly would cause problems. I'm inclined to think it's the massive dinner.

Thank you so much everyone for the inputs. Much appreciated!!

With the dinner and bottle situation, could you try giving him a milk after dinner and before the bedtime routine but not right before sleeping? E.g dinner at 5 (maybe a lighter dinner and ask nursery to increase his lunch), milk at 6.15/30 and bath, pyjamas, story or whatever you do before put down? That way he will get his feed but it isn't immediately before falling asleep and it gives a bit of time to digest.

On the sleep training-y stuff it is very personal and contentious so I won't wade in too much but we did the 'gradual retreat' with my daughter and it took weeks but worked well, without tears. Someone posted about this above - e.g starting by walking slower or for less time, then standing and swaying, then just standing, then holding still, then leaning into the cot etc. so you phase it out slowly. That said, that only really works if it is a sleep association thing, which this might not be if it's a tummy thing or there's some other underlying reason why he needs the extra comfort right now (my daughter usually settles herself now but needs a walk around the room settle when she's teething). Good luck and I hope it gets better for you all.