Am I being oversensitive with nursery

[WilbursSword]

DD1 (4yo) has been at nursery for a few years and I have always been very happy with them, they really got got know her and felt they really care for her.

DD2 is meant to start in a few months but lately a few things have made me question them. I'm not sure if I'm being oversensitive though (my anxiety has been quite bad lately so it's possible!)

• 3 key members of staff have left in the last couple of months, they were brilliant. The fact they all left at the same time is making me question if there is an issue with management. They had been there for years though so might just be naturally moving on.

• DD was off her food for a week after a virus, I got worried enough to take her to the GP for the first time in 3 years as she just wasn't quite right. She wouldn't even eat her favourite foods, treats, nothing, and was lacking energy. I warned nursery she was off her food and that I had made a GP appointment. When I picked her up, the manager told me they'd worked it out and she basically was just being fussy and playing with us to get attention and that there was nothing wrong with her. Completely dismissing that I was concerned about her and might know my child well enough to know when she's unwell or just playing up.

• Once when picking up DD1 I left DD2 with a member of staff for a few minutes as a little trial (at their suggestion). She screamed until I came back into view (as expected). The lady said "don't worry this is just a huge tantrum, there aren't even any tears". She was just 6 months old, not the most compassionate remark!

• Last month DD1 didn't want to be dropped off and clung to me screaming. Usually they would have taken her from me saying her friends were waiting for her and they would have fun, but instead this time they sounded quite cross and said "come on you are really not helping mummy by doing that, she's already carrying your sister ". I appreciate they were trying to help me, but it felt like the wrong thing to say to DD1 and I felt even more guilty.

What do you think?

Reading this back, I guess it is nit-picking and not a huge concern. It's just that over the years I'd become used to them being so brilliant, always knowing the right thing to say and showing so much care for DD1. It's just been a bit more impersonal the last few months.

I don’t think you’re nit picking at all.

I personally wouldn’t leave my child with them let alone 2 of them. They sound extremely dismissive of your childrens feelings aswell as your concerns which is a HUGE red flag.

I also think there’s a reason why 3 staff members left so close together.

Not nit picking no
3 staff so close together would worry me too. The tantrum comment less so but combined with everything else it makes me think "something feels icky " do you have thenoption of sending dd2 somewhere else?

I think you have to go with your gut. That said, If be more sympathetic to the staffing issues. It's an absolute nightmare for nurseries at the moment.

A nursery is only as good as its staff. If the staff you liked are leaving then it can change the ethos of the place. So if you feel it has changed for the worse, then I would look elsewhere.

I am on the fence with this one (and I too suffer from anxiety, so I hear you, OP). It's hard to say when you didn't actually witness their comments in person, but I would say that if you were taken aback by them at the time, there's probably a good reason for this. Do they have key workers assigned to each child? If so, how well do you know them? I would say perhaps a meeting to get to know them a bit better would be helpful, especially if they're new, and maybe decide after?

My nursery has a policy of inviting parents on a semi-regular basis in the evenings to chat to staff members looking after their child, they show you what your child has learnt etc. I find this quite comforting and have a good relationship with his caregivers, however I would also say there are two that are excellent and one that I can't warm up to for some reason and I've just been lucky she isn't looking after DS much at all. I hope it goes well for you and your LOs xx

Thank you it is good to have other opinions.

DD1 only has a few more weeks there before school, but leaving tiny DD2 there is making me feel a bit worried.

Totally agree a nursery is only as good as the staff, this one is Ofsted rated Outstanding but that doesn't really mean anything to me.

I don't actually know any of the staff in the baby room where DD2 will be, so getting to know them will probably be the first step and hopefully that will put my mind at rest.

All the example above were from the same couple of people, who are managers, so not actually looking after the children day to day. One of them I had never really warmed up to anyway, she gets very defensive and it makes her seem cold and uncaring at times.

There is another nursery locally we could consider, in fact this is where some of the staff that's left has gone to. So its not like they have made a big career move, or moved towns, they've literally just moved to the nursery next door which seems pretty average. Makes you wonder what they were running away from!