How to talk to a 4yr old about an autistic friend?

[catladymeow]

My friend has a 6yo son (let's call him Ben). Ben is autistic, non-verbal, attends a SN school, can sometimes be physically aggressive towards others.
We see them regularly. At least once a week, often more.

I have a 4yo son and in recent months he's been asking more questions about Ben.

I find it difficult to find the right age appropriate way to answer his questions.
Such as "why doesn't Ben talk to me", "why does Ben still wear nappies", "why does Ben not play with me", "why does Ben hurt me sometimes", "why doesn't Ben go to my school" etc.

Bens mum can be very sensitive and gets upset when my son asks these questions - but he's only 4 and naturally is going to be curious about this. She doesn't seem to know how to respond to my son.

I don't want to upset my friend or Ben and want my son to be compassionate and sensitive towards him and other children/adults with SN as he gets older.

What is the best way to talk to my 4 year old son about Ben and autism in an age appropriate way? Or is there any resources you would recommend?

Thanks in advance.

There are age appropriate books about Suzie and Cruzie that might help.

One is called 'Learning About Autism'.

Go on the NAS website and look for a suitable book. I can't remember the one I bought but there are some great ones out there. There is also a brilliant programme about autism done by cbbc and someone called Rosie. Try googling it. I had this with my niece who ended up being quite mean about my daughter as she grew up. I think the problem was she was never educated and never really told what was OK and what wasn't.

My DS has 2 autistic cousins and we got a lot of these sorts of questions. I spoke to SIL to make sure she was ok with it but essentially went with the approach that Johnny’s brain works differently to yours and sometimes that means he finds things harder than you. Here are some things he is good at. We’re all unique. I also talked a LOT about being kind to people who are different and making sure they’re included even though that might mean changing the game so they can join in