I might be being paranoid, but I think my mum thinks I can't cope

[nutcracker]

It's hard to explain, without me sounding ungrateful, but I will try anyway.

I have 3 kids, and i'm a single mum. My mum lives 2 min away.

She has always been very hands on with my dd's, not so with my ds but thats another story. She has always had both girls to stay now and again and helped me out as much as poss if she happened to be off work and it was school hols.

Thing is, now it is getting to be that she invites both girls to stay almost every Sat night, and she has just rung me to tell me that she hasn't managed to get Feb half term off, and when I said it was fine and not to worry, she said 'yes but the kids are off so i wanted that week'.

I am very grateful for her help, but i'm starting to think that she is doing it because she feels she needs to because I can't cope, rather than her wanting to because she wants to see her grandkids.

I would never refuse to let them go because they love going, but at the same time I feel a bit shitty that she possibly thinks i am not coping and also that my kids seem to love spending time away from me.

ah bless her
she sounds lovely
I would just leave things as they are
you need her help I think

Oh yes granted I certainyl do, but I kind of fell a bit like I have no say in it at the moment, and if/when they startv staying over with xp on a friday I will hardley see them if they still stay at my mums too.

Just ask her how she thinks you are managing (if indeed you need some confidence boosting.) If she says you are great it is all good. If she says she thinks you struggle, well most of us do at times and she is probbaly just trying to help.

Be thankful your children have a Grandma.

i think you are being paranoid. she wants to help, no-one, not even you, can do it all on your own. enjoy a break, make time for yourself !

Why don't you ask her to come and stay at yours say on alternate saturdays so you can have a night in all together

Oh I am grateful she has a grandma, honestly I am. I had one but she was nowhere near as hands on as my mum is and I am glad my kids have her.

She wouldn't stay here unless she really had to as she hates sleeping away from home.

I think I am a bit paranoid probably.

Over xmas I actually needed her properly as I was too ill to get out of bed, and I think it has made me feel a bit insecure and a bit trapped because without her, I wouldn't have coped at all.

Why not do the staying over every other Saturday night? Or one dd one week and the other the other week? Is ds too young to go?

It must be lovely to have an involved grandma but maybe you need to alter the situation so you're a bit happier with it.

Maybe you should think about it as she needs you and your DC's.
Perhaps she genuinely like having them and looking after them rather than thinking she is doing you a favor by taking them off your hands. You could tell yourself that you are doing her the favor by letting her have them. IYSWIM.

Perhaps it's not just to help you out. Could it be that she likes them being there with her? You might be doing her as much a favour by allowing them to stay over as she is doing you one by having them.
If you feel that you are missing time with them why not go to every other weekend or whatever suits you better.

x-posts missnevermind

It sounds more like she was sad that she couldn't get the time off, purely because she would miss her GC's. My mum loves having DS2 and tries to have him during the school holidays because there is much more on for children then, like child orientated movies on at the pictures.

She doesn't have ds as tbh they have just never clicked. He would stop if I absolutly needed him to, but up until now he has always said no, he is 5. Tbh my mum has never encouraged him to stay like she does with the girls anyway.
Unfortunatly my mum prefers girls and as much as she'd probably hate to know this, it does show.

I think once they all start staying at their dads, I will start saying that they can only stay with my mum forntightly, although you watch me feel guilty then LOL.