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Parenting

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Original poster

I’m really struggling

16 replies

tiredlonely · 26/07/2022 05:00

I don’t know what it is at the moment but I’m really struggling.

My son is 7mo, sleep isn’t much better I’m lucky if I get 5 hours in a night.

Weaning is hard I’m not sure if he’s actually liking it? Or just throwing stuff everywhere.

I can’t describe how lonely I am. I have 1 friend who isn’t a mum but sent me something the other day about being distant so I know she’s annoyed with me.

Fiancé won’t stop going on about his bloody mother taking care of DS so we can go out but I just want to fucking sleep I don’t want to go out. If someone babysits DS I will climb into bed and sleep.

I just feel so emotional the other day me and my fiancé pretty much nearly split up. He’s upset and misses the old me he says but doesn’t get how he has went back to work 2 weeks after our baby. He’s gotten to be him and do stuff for him. My life has been being our DS’ mum 24/7 I don’t get to go to work and progress, I don’t get to go to the gym and work on my body and I don’t get to go out and let my hair down (which sounds pretty awful to me right now but you catch my drift)

sorry for being a moaning cow. I just needed somewhere to vent :(

OP posts:

LoudSnoringDog · 26/07/2022 05:02

You sound like you might have PND. Have you spoken with your Health Visitor?

Original poster

tiredlonely · 26/07/2022 05:03

@LoudSnoringDog would I be able to get it this late on? No she next visits when DS is 10mo xx

OP posts:

Original poster

tiredlonely · 26/07/2022 05:08

@LoudSnoringDog I don’t mean to seem ignorant about PND btw I just thought it started when the baby was newborn or really young x

OP posts:

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LoudSnoringDog · 26/07/2022 05:09

Yes. Although most common from between 1 week to 1 month after birth, it’s recognised as PND within first year.

Billybagpuss · 26/07/2022 05:35

It could be pnd it is worth chatting it over with your health visitor. But on a more practical note how much is your dp stepping up when he gets home. Are you splitting the tasks 50/50 or does he have a your home all day where’s my dinner mindset? You should both get an equal amount of down time so you do get to go to the gym or bed.

you also sound like you are missing work, are you planning to go back or to be a sahm

CallItLoneliness · 26/07/2022 05:36

You say your partner has gotten his life back--why don't you have time for yourself? Would it help to get some paid childcare and go back to work? Why does your partner not take his child for a bit so you can sleep?

RockAndRollerskate · 26/07/2022 05:36

When are you going back to work? You might find it helps to have something else to focus on

Original poster

tiredlonely · 26/07/2022 08:45

I do go back in 2 months and I am kind of looking forward to it. I feel so guilty saying that

When he finishes work he does help a bit but when it comes to settling DS, DS settles so much easier with me (I say this even though it took me a good 2 hours to settle him early
This morning) so I’m also. Nervous about work

On weekends he does in the morning but I can’t fully sleep I get nervous that he’ll take DS to his mums and drop him off and say he’s surprised me with a ‘break’ (he’s tried it before) and I wouldn’t find this as a break I’d be more nervous and anxious. So I end up getting myself up

OP posts:

tealandteal · 26/07/2022 08:54

With my first DS I was diagnosed with post natal anxiety when he was 6 months. I had CBT over the phone but going back to work definitely helped me to regain a sense of being something other than mummy. I also joined a local running club around the same time 2 evenings a week. That was only 45 mins or so but the exercise combined with speaking to adults helped.

Sooty1983 · 26/07/2022 11:27

You are not alone. My baby is 10 months old and have found this last year the most challenging of my life. Every part of our lives has changed and Im trying to be gentle with myself and remember that. I went to work 1 day last week and it was brilliant to do something for myself. Im also returning 4 days a week shortly and did feel guilty but I know now I will appreciate the time I do have with daughter rather than clock watching. Have also found month on month my anxiety levels have dropped and husband has been able to get more involved as baby more interactive as time goes on. He has been able to put her down for a nap and . Although he hasnt been as hands on as id hoped he is getting better as shes getting older. I also joined a couch to 5k for an hour 2 eves a week which made a massive difference. I like to go and sit in a coffee shop during the day with her even on my own for an hour rather than sit in house. x

Original poster

tiredlonely · 26/07/2022 13:23

@Sooty1983 i really relate to the part about my partner. He is an amazing dad and our son adores him but I do feel like I’ve been a bit disappointed I thought he’d be a bit more hands on he’s really lacked confidence

but as our son ages he does get a bit more. I haven’t wanted to admit this in case people think I’m saying he’s a bad dad but it has got me down and I’ve struggled with ot

OP posts:

Butteryflakycrust83 · 26/07/2022 13:34

I was you.

The thought of leaving DC sometimes was just as bad as the soul crushing overwhelmed feeling of being stuck under a baby.

I started small. I still remember the first time I went to the supermarket alone. Honestly, felt like I was on holiday.

Or I would take the bus to town to get a coffee and some shopping. I would be gone maybe 90 minutes.

Your fiancé and DC will be FINE. Honestly. Go out as soon as DC has woken up from a nap so they are refreshed and happy.

Lovelystuff · 26/07/2022 13:37

Please don’t feel guilty about wanting to be alone with DC. It can be really tough looking after a baby 24/7 and being ‘touched’ so many times that you feel you aren’t your own person anymore. I have felt exactly the same. For your own sanity, you must start doing things for you! Don’t feel guilty about it, even if it’s just an hour. Go and read a book or go and have a coffee. You will feel so much better.

Buddingbudlia · 26/07/2022 13:38

I think you're just exhausted rather than labelling it as just PND. It's bloody hard!!!
Does your fiance do anything to help? Have you told him how you feel? Have his mum round and sleep and don't feel guilty about it!
Don't stress with weaning, it's very early days xx

Lovelystuff · 26/07/2022 13:40

Buddingbudlia · 26/07/2022 13:38

Yes totally agree. Being a mum is so difficult and I think everyone struggles at some point.

Sooty1983 · 26/07/2022 14:09

I think half the problem is that the man doesnt know what to do either and then we end up doing more then they give up a bit as we do it anyway. It is v hard.
I also find it hard to let go and let husband do more. But I did start small, like someone said even go to supermarket on own when baby wakes up and is at their most content. I didnt know what to do with myself but then remembered how to browse magazines and look at stuff i didnt need for house ha. I purposely didn't buy groceries or look at baby stuff. And exhaustion has a lot to answer for it makes you feel completley nuts. X

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