Newborn stage challenging

[VeronicaFranklin]

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the long post...

My baby is 6 weeks old on Thursday and I love her to bits and feel incredibly lucky to have her, but I am finding the newborn stage as a FTM difficult.

I feel ashamed to admit I find myself wishing the days away to the next stage in the hope it'll be a relief these early weeks are over. While being mindful that each stage of parenting will bring its own set of challenges and that time passes so quickly I'll look back and wished I'd lived in the moment a bit more.

Everyone I meet keeps saying to me 'oh this is the best time is the newborn stage, is so easy, all they do is eat, sleep and poop and want cuddles'

My baby is very active (really restless arms and legs that constantly wake her up if she goes down to sleep, she can also roll onto her side in her cot) she has colic and screams the house down hysterically most evenings for hours on end, she kicks her feet back and arches her back to try prevent us from winding her after feeds. If she gets hungry or overtired or colicky she screams and screams and scratches throwing a tantrum. Me and my husband take it in turns to try soothe her but rarely anything works and she ends up after hours falling asleep temporarily only to wake and the cycle starts again.

GP and health visitor don't think it's a cow protein allergy just normal infant colic.

My MIL looked after her for a few hours at the weekend and when I came back she described her as a 'grouchy baby' and told me none of her 3 were ever like that and newborns should be contented and sleep most of the time and settle with a cuddle. This has left me feeling really disheartened and inadequate, like it is me causing her to be like this.
We changed her formula to comfort colic & constipation (yet to see effects) I try soothe her with gripe water after feeds if she doesn't settle, try put her in her swing, talk to her calmly, sing to her...swaddle...everything.

On the rare occasions she is calm and I get a glimpse of a little smile from her or she's finally asleep contented, I feel my heart fill with relief and joy. So I'm just getting through the days at the moment hoping this stage will pass and it'll get easier and I'll begin to be able to enjoy her but it's taking it toll on my mental health.

I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that there are other mums who have found this stage challenging so I'm not alone.

I had a baby like that. He had silent reflux. Have you tried a dummy? He got better about 16 weeks with medication.

He is 9YO now.

Loads of sympathy.

Colic is tough. I wonder if possibly pain is causing the back arching and tantrums. Did you try winding your baby mid-way through a feed? My dd was EbF but I winded her before I swapped breast and she needed that mid.feed burp otherwise she would scream through the rest of the feed

My dd loved being swaddled but my ds hated it - he had reflux and he was very uncomfortable on his back so we used to get him to sleep on our shoulder.

Smiles at this age can just be caused by wind, not contentment, just wanted to mention!

Didn't want to read and run.
Please don't take your MiL's words to heart. Heck, one of her DC is having his own DC now, so my guess is she's looking back through the grey mists of time with rose-tinted spectacles.
Those first weeks can be exhausting. I had one of each; one who would only sleep on me or tightly swaddled for short periods and who was only contented when carried around. My second slept for 18h a day off and on and was of a much cheerier dispisition all round. So it really is different from baby to baby. The interrupted sleep (baby's and yours) is harrowing and the crying can really jar, but it really will pass. I found that totally adjusting mine and DP's sense of expectation really helped and allowed us to relax so much more: messy house? Fine! Simple meals? OK. Ages to get baby to sleep? No worries, I'll just hang out on MN until she's down, however long it takes...
Hang in there.

She sounds just like my nearly 1 year old was at that age - it's totally relentless, and I'm sending calm thoughts your way! I don't feel any guilt at all in saying I didn't enjoy the newborn stage one bit, for me it was to be survived rather than cherished, but it did get better - DS's colic started easing up at around 10 weeks or so, and his sleep improved a little, and it all just felt more manageable. He's now just a fab little character and while there are still frustrating moments, I really enjoy it for the most part now.

Have you tried a Love2Dream swaddle? That made a big difference for us in the early days (they're expensive but dry very quickly so we got away with only buying 1! They come up on marketplace too quite often).

Mine is 4 months now she was like this for the first few weeks
I'm not sure when exactly it stopped
But it will stop
Every night I was wishing for the weeks to fly by quick because I knew it would get better
Don't feel guilty
My daughter is now and has been for a while an absolute joy and angel to be around
However those first 2 months she screamed bloody murder for hours every evening
You'll get through it xx

Bloody hell, sounds like your dd has reflux, the poor baby.

Babies that ages can't tantrum; they are telling you they are not happy.

I hated the first few weeks too. My ds has reflux and is on gaviscon now, he's a much happier baby now at 11 weeks than he was in the first 8 or so weeks.
I also found myself wishing the weeks away, I still do from time to time, but not because of him anymore, now it's more that I'm looking forward to seeing him doing things like crawling, walking, laughing and talking.
I still find it hard sometimes though, if he's difficult to settle or upset and I can't figure out why. But at 6 weeks I was finding almost everything hard, and every hour of the day felt so long, the weeks were just dragging by.
Now I'm finding that the days are still long but the weeks seem to fly by and I'm sure it'll only get better, so just got to hang in there and take any help that's offered too!
I wouldn't bother what MIL says either, I have a relative who can be like that, making you feel like you're doing things wrong, but every baby is different, they're all little people at the end of the day and no two people are the same either.

My baby didn’t have colic. She was probably quite an easy baby and I absolutely did not enjoy the newborn stage.
It’s relentless!! It’s exhausting and it’s thankless!
I much, much prefer 6 months + (I feel like it just gets better and better from 6 months).
Dont feel bad about wishing the days away, it is a massive slog at this stage and you don’t have to enjoy it. But please be reassured that it does get better… When they start to interact and develop their little character, then it becomes pretty amazing (in my opinion). 💐

Infacol and LoveToDream swaddle suits are you best friend - it stops the flappy arms and my baby slept like a baby as soon as he was in if!

Kendamil also!! It's a game changer

Omg, OF COURSE it’s challenging! Colic aside, your life has just been completely upended. Everything has changed and you’re exhausted. Your body is doing mad things like producing milk, bleeding, night sweats and the rest. You’re recovering from birth. It’s a LOT to take in.
I think I was in a state of shock for the first few weeks with my first. Don’t take your MIL’s words to heart. Some people like the newborn stage, some people don’t.
I love toddlers, some people don’t! Horses for courses. Don’t worry at all, it feels like forever at the time but the bad times do pass. Xx

Thanks everyone, I'm glad to read other's disliked the newborn stage! I keep using the mantra it won't last forever.
Gripe water has become my new best friend for when she is unsettled.
Someone mentioned Kendamil and we had her on this from birth but recently changed to aptamil Comfort milk in the hope it might help.
I will look into getting her a love2dream swaddle as these seem popular so worth a try at keeping the little restless hands and feet at bay!

Really appreciate all your replies x

Looking back I had a pretty “easy” baby, however I also did not particularly enjoy the newborn stage. I found it really overwhelming and questioned whether I would ever manage to have a shower or leave my house again😂

Like you, I felt guilty as everyone who was at the same stage as me seemed to be thoroughly loving every second and I felt like an awful mum for wishing the weeks away. Things definitely started to settle at 8 weeks for us and he was like a different baby by the time he was 12 weeks. My little boy is 5 months now and it’s true what they say, the time just flies by - those newborn days feel like a million years ago now!

Hang on in there OP and be kind to yourself while you’re in the newborn period. Accept all of the support you are offered and remember it passes quickly ❤️

Thank you, I feel tons better today, glad to hear by 12 weeks things get better and by 5 months seem a world away from the newborn weeks! Hard to enjoy it in the moment but I'm sure I will look back and wish I'd been more accepting of the newborn days however challenging! xx

Oh don’t feel bad about wishing it away-I found the first few weeks absolutely brutal.It’ll come good and you’ll just be glad you got through it! Easier times are coming. Xx

If it helps I really didn't enjoy the newborn bit and I had a relatively 'easy' baby with no colic or crying or any challenges like that - I just didn't enjoy it or feel very connected to her, instead I was stressed and scared the whole time! DD is now 9mo and I'm obsessed with her and loving every day with her - she's hilarious. Everyone has different bits they do and don't like and for a lot of people the newborn bit is a bit crap! Hang on in there, you have such a special time ahead of you.

Ugh, my baby was just like this and I loathed the newborn stage. I felt so guilty, as we'd had IVF to have her, but she seemed permanently uncomfortable. 12 weeks was a major turning point for us - her colic and general windiness eased, and she's turned from a right grump into a little sunbeam! She's five months now and such a joy. I don't understand people that say the newborn phase is the best bit - in the nicest possible way they are just lumps that either grizzle endlessly or are easy going. It's a few months in when they start giving something back, so hang in there - it gets better, especially if you've got a colicky one!!!

Thank you, I'm so glad you admit to disliking the Newborn days even without a fussy baby. I'm excited for the months when she's more interactive and hope I enjoy it as much as you are!

I've skimmed through this feed as it popped up in my search history when I asked google "Newborn stage feels like treading water"....

I'm now curious @VeronicaFranklin, with it being a month or so on from your original post... Hows it going now? 😁

Currently our 6 week old DD2 is sleeping on me in a baby carrier. Basically we are attached night and day sinds day 10 when the silent reflux/reflux became a problem. Is linked to tongue tie in our case. She also screams louder than our first, or so it seems at least.
All the best!

That is to say: asleep on top of me during the night and very often baby carrier during the day. Sometimes this is the only thing that works. Sometimes also only when walking outside... when it is already dark.😉
But all jokes aside. Please ask for professional help/second opinion if needed. Don't hesitate.

So my LO is now 13 weeks old and omg life is SO much better.

Finally got GP to prescribe Gaviscon for reflux, changed her milk to a different brand of comfort milk and she goes more regularly to toilet which helps with the colic, she had a colic episode in Drs around time I posted this thread and Dr witnessed it, was really sympathetic as his own kids had colic so he understood how challenging it can be, so prescribed her Colief which she has in her feeds, she usuallly goes down to sleep at 8pm after a bath and bottle, dream feed at midnight then usually sleeps through until 7/8am!

Shes smiley, interacts when we speak to her and seems a much happier baby.

Don't get me wrong I'm dreading teething and know it won't be all plain sailing but we're now a world away from the horrendous time we had at 6 weeks.

I think between 8-12 weeks things changed dramatically for the better.

Ugh there's always one that makes you feel worse isn't there! I hate those kind of comments.
I want to say ......

I have two .... (4 & 10 month)
First born had colic / tounge tie that sort of thing and was fussy I think not getting enough milk looking back now and something that's not spoken about enough

overstimulation

Sometimes with our first babies we try do everything, sing to them constantly, entertain them constantly
I let my second born just chill out a lot and he's been sooo content.

Could be a coincidence though
But I do think looking back overstimulation is a big thing.

Could also be an allergy like you say above xx

Completely felt like this with my first. The second and the third we’re just as challenging- but I knew somehow it’s does get better and would be different soon. Even if I couldn’t always logically think like that in the moment! With my first I remember thinking what the hell I had done and I’d never ever ever get a full night sleep again or even a few hours peace! Eventually it got better.

Nothing to add regarding advice, but sounds like she could have reflux or colic. My baby had CMPA so happy to advise if you think it could be that.

But do want to say don't give yourself a hard time! It's fine to wish the days away, it's fine to find this really tough because it is! Having a baby is the most difficult thing I've ever done and I've done it twice! But this stage does pass and before you know it your baby will be able to tell you what's wrong, and whilst each stage brings new challenges it does get easier. Sending well needed and well deserved hugs. You're doing a great job