How do I get over this?

[jcruuiSe]

Long story short. After a long argument with DP today he’s mentioned he really thinks I should let his mum babysit our 7mo DS. He says he thinks we’ll end up splitting up it I don’t end up doing this (because my
mum has babysat him and basically the only person I’ll ask)

1. I don’t want DP’s mum to. I don’t trust her. All 3 of her children have anger issues and emotional issues and she is quite frankly sexist. I don’t really want her influencing my son in any way. I know he’s only young by the way but of course she’ll be in his life so I want to keep an eye on what she does and says

2. I’ve kind of got a ‘fuck you’ mindset with her. She quite clearly favours DP’s brothers kid so I have just thought to myself that she doesn’t deserve my son if she acts the way she does. She doesn’t even check in on our DS and never asks to see him

3. I don’t believe she respects our parenting wishes. We’ve stated NO chocolate/sweet treats while he’s this young and we’re just getting weaning established. She keeps making snide remarks and I just feel if she was alone with him she’d try some because she thinks it’s ‘so cute when babies eat chocolate’

Please try to hold off on the comments telling me off I know I’m partially unreasonable. I just don’t know how to get past this I feel physically sick thinking about her being alone with my baby.

I'm not sure you can get over it - not the leaving the baby with her thing, but the family dynamic.

Am I reading this right that your partner 'has anger issues and emotional issues'?

Clearly this runs deeper than babysitting.

@Honaloulou yeah when I say emotional issues he really struggles expressing them and they come out as anger. He’s getting help and working on it and I’m proud he is it’s really helping!

but yep all 3’kids the same

Problem is , if you were to split your dp could share access and leave him with her , or at least expose him to her views, anyway, and you have no say or control.

I won’t tell you you’re unreasonable because you’re not.

Why is he trying to blackmail you by threatening to dump you?

Stick to your guns. She sounds like One Of Those MILs who appear in MN threads every day because they’ve done something with the DC that they were explicitly told not to do, and are being arsey when pulled up on it. (and who gives a 7 mo chocolate ffs?)
Why does your DH want her to babysit? Is he trying to keep the peace? Is he scared of her?

Don't let her babysit.

Oh lord. A mummy's boy.

YANBU. Can't believe he'd split up with you for not letting your mum babysit. Give him the boot OP.

I’ll add a bit more here!

so basically I’ve (I will admit) put our relationship on the back burner. Obviously because of our baby but he’s asking can we go on a date now and then. I made a comment of “I’ll check when my mum is free” then he just kind of went off about how it’s a bit unfair how my mum always minds him

Now I haven’t really told him the full extent as to why I don’t want his mum minding our son. I feel it comes across mean but I might have to just let rip and tell him because maybe he’d see?

I did say to him something along the lines of what the actual fuck when he mentioned splitting up. But he’s said it’s because we need dates as a couple etc. however we have had a handful? Just under maybe? Since our son was born. I just don’t want him staying out loads I didn’t give birth to him to have him stay away loads lol

At 7 months we’d had no dates away from DD, because we didn’t want to. You don’t have to leave the house or your baby with anyone else to have quality time together.

Did he want a baby? Did he realise what it would mean?

You’ve already had nights out, I’m not sure what he’s whinging about.

If you’re happy to leave him with your mum and she’s happy to have him then that’s brilliant. If you don’t trust anyone else to have him that’s fine. Don’t stand for hassle or bullying about it. That would make me far less inclined to leave my baby for a night out…

Just saw your update. Yes you do need to be honest with him. He needs to know why you don’t trust her and why her ignoring your instructions would be bad. I can remember a MN post where a relative consistently gave the child food she was told he couldn’t have, and the poor child got diarrhoea every time.