Third child sapping my energy

[freezerdinners]

Have a 9, 6 and 2 year old.

2 year old is exhausting - normal 2 year old stuff - in everything, destroys everything, menace to himself and others, sleeps poorly, fights nappy changes, throws food everywhere, refuses the buggy, big irrational meltdowns etc etc etc

I'm so tired of it all. I love him, he's a delight really but the relentlessness of his needs and little two year old personality is getting me down. I've done this all twice before and am so over it now..... plus tonight is the fifth night in a row I've missed bedtimes with my older two. I feel I'm missing out on them at such lovely ages because I'm always having to deal with the little one and I simply don't have the energy to give them. ... . Most of my friends have only two and in line with my older ones- so I see their family lives as so easy and free now - family activities look so straightforward. .... I feel I've got so long to go until we're back out of this baby stage and by then the older two will be approaching teens and want nothing to do with me.

My patience is shot, I just want to escape. I don't have energy for anything or anyone and feel like a failure - for choosing to have a third in the first place, and for not being able to cope now we are where we are. I feel so guilty for feeling this way

I do get some help a few hours a week where I have time to myself. It's not enough. Isn't that awful. I'm just wishing time away.

Not really looking for advice.... I guess I just need to share, be heard and maybe be told it will be ok by wise ones with experience.

What made you want a 3rd? I'm sure all the positive things you imagined with 3 DC will still play out. It's just the younger years are so hard, it can be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and see the positives.

Also, teenagers don't always end up like the stereotypes. When your youngest is 5, your older two will be 11 and 14. Still an age where they could be delightful.

Hang in there!

Thank you..I think my ovaries told me to have a 3rd 😂.... But seriously yes it's good to try and focus on the positives and yes these years do pass. Just oh so slowly....

Do you not like anything about two-year-olds? I think it is a delightful age. I understand your need to let off steam but it is a shame to be wishing their childhood away.

I hear you OP. 2yo and 9yo here.

@Coyoacan yes I do - I did say in my post that he's a delight...... he's adorable, funny inquisitive, cuddly, cute and watching him learn and develop is incredible. I just sometimes feel all the other stuff too.

@SillyYak

@SillyYak sorry posted by accident above. Yeah tough isn't it sometimes.

I hope what I wrote didn't sound like a criticism, OP.

I only have 2 (planning a third very soon 😂) and my youngest is wonderful but was such hard work, running away all the time when out anywhere, refusing to eat unless it was off a small list of favourite foods, throwing things, terrible temper and waking through the night, not playing with older sibling, but is now 2 and a half and everything has changed, like very suddenly, he is an absolute delight now (most of the time 😊) sleeping great, talking more, eating more and no temper now, so affectionate and funny. Basically what i'm trying to say is your light at the end of the tunnel is really close and although you obviously know all of this having done it all before twice, when you are "in" that difficult stage it can be hard to remember that it does end and can be overwhelming so I understand, and i think most mums feel the same as you at times. Hope my ramble makes sense, sorry it's so long

This is the reason I didn't have 3. Maybe it might help to remember all the reasons you wanted 3 kids, and try and see them in your situation?

What were you looking forward to about 3 kids? What were the added bonuses you anticipated?

I bet some of them are there now, if you squint!

@freezerdinners oh I have so much sympathy… mine are 11, 8 and 1.5 - it changed the dynamic completely!! He’s a delight and I can see how in the future he will really be so lovely but I just CANT BE ARSED TO FIGHT him any more. Also he’s semi feral so I feel that is also hard. 2 means you are on the downhill stretch now, keep focussing on the fun times and take lots of pictures because you sure won’t be going through this again 😂

Mmm for me it seems like wading through treacle, good shout on not having 3! He has got some cute little clothes though and I’m sat here watching bluey before the madness starts.

(He isn’t…. He’s throwing his bagel at the wall)

Yes. Solidarity.

My third is 6 now,but a very young 6. This is not helped by the fact that we were so exhausted by the time he came along (others not much older). I can see why people say the youngest gets spoilt, I literally sometimes just want a quiet life.

@Sunnymummy3 this is lovely to hear thank you

@demotedreally I long for a quiet life. But funnily enough I think 2 days of a quiet life and I'd feel bored! I am so bad at taking/finding time to rest or relax... It's very hard with 3 and an exhausted husband - but I'm beginning to see it's going to be critical for my mental health. So moments of quiet within the chaos. Easier said than done.

@MolliciousIntent hmmm... Yeah I did consider a third for a long time - whether or not to go for it. I have to work hard not to feel this regret because I was aware in advance of all these potential issues.... Just the longing for a third was stronger and I figured the pain would be short lived in the grand scheme of things. Just that when you are living right in it all perspective is lost. I know if I had read this post before I went for a third I still would have done it!

@TheGirlWhoLived absolutely agree. Treacle right now. And glimmers of hope for the future. He will be lovely. It's all just classic two year old stuff.

OP

Is he in childcare at all? Can you afford even one day a week?
My sympathies in any case