My 2.5 year old doesn’t have “friends”

[Whathefisgoingon]

Should he? He goes to nursery 3 half days a week, and I take him out somewhere every day (park, beach) - he also does a couple of toddler classes.

Still, I don’t have any friends with children his age and so he doesn’t have any friends. I don’t know if there’s anyone he plays with at nursery more than others etc.

Am I overthinking this or should I drag myself to some play groups to get him some mates?

He’s very sociable and I feel bad!

No.

My DD started at nursery at 9 months and was there till she started reception.

The last year she had kids that she preferred playing with and that we invited to her birthday party but up till then they all just played alongside each other rather than properly with each other.

Neither does mine…she plays alongside children but that’s it.

Young children's 'friends' tend to be the kids of their mum's friends. They don't 'need' them, but it's just often how it works. I really wouldn't worry.

Conversely to the above, my DD has had a "best friend" at nursery since she was about 2, as in someone she spoke about more than anyone else. Does he talk about the other kids?

The early years framework would not expect a child of 2.5 to have friends - by 4.5 he will probably have children he prefers and plays alongside, but even at 3 will mostly play by himself in the company of others.

Think you are over thinking it, he’s two at that age their friends are usually the kids their mums are friends with

At that age kids play along side each other rather than with each other.
My son didn't really make friends independently at nursery until he was more like 3.5 to 4.
He's leaving preschool this summer and starting school in Sept. This last 6 months he's made some really good friends and I hope we will keep in touch with them.
So don't worry/over think it.

If you want to encourage him then ask at nursery whether he gravitates to any particular child. Then you can pass on a message to their parents to see if they want to arrange a play date. You really don’t need to at this age though.

Mine had friends at playgroup and they were 2 1/2 when they started.

You're overthinking it. Mine made a good friend at nursery but we never saw her outside. She spent lots of time around children her own age until age 6 but mostly family and friends.

No he is too young for actual friends, its good that he's sociable, friends at that age is just other children that they see, so any random kids at nursery or the park, they likely won't really play together until their 4ish

Nah, they barely take any notice of one another at that stage, in my experience.

Thanks all. Reassuring to know it’s normal!

He never talks about any other kids, he just talks about what he did at nursery.

Parallell play is the expectation at 2 :)

You're definitely over thinking this. My DD has 'play dates' with 'friends' but it's really me meeting up with my friends who have kids of a similar age, they don't actually play together. She has swimming lessons and I've made a couple of new mum friends there who we see regularly outside of swimming too, but it's definitely more me choosing to spend time with their mums, than her wanting to spend time with the kids. The only one she asks about is her cousin!

Mine had absolutely no interest in other children until about a week after his third birthday, I was getting a little concerned but it's like a switch flipped and he suddenly saw the joy in playing with others.

Just spoke to DP about this, he doesn’t agree and has basically told me that we thought he didn’t need to socialise before, yet loves nursery, and this is the same.

Cant help but feel like a bit of a failure.

So everyone has told you it’s normal yet your going to chose to ignore it? Is there more going on? “Feel like a failure” ? My FIVE year old doesn’t speak about friends from school mainly just what she did that day

Nursery and a couple of toddler groups a week are fine. 2 year olds don't have actual friends. They play alongside other kids.

@BiscoffSundae I’m not ignoring it, but my child’s father has just said he doesn’t agree and does think he should have friends, I can’t really ignore that! I’m a SAHM so it feels like it’s all on me to make this happen, but it’s good to know, like I say, that it’s not actually expected.

Two year olds rarely have proper friends. It sounds like he gets lots of opportunities to be around other children so unless you want to there's no need to join more groups for the sake of it. He'll start building friendships when he's ready.

Kids that age parallel play, rather than play with friends. Playing side by side with another child, observing but not really interacting, is a stepping stone to socialising and making friends. When he’s a bit older they start to play together, share, take turns etc. Honestly, he’s fine as he is.

he doesn’t agree and does think he should have friends, I can’t really ignore that!

Your son isn’t at that developmental stage yet. It’s like saying he ‘should’ be dry at night or tying his own laces. It will come, but you can’t force it before he’s ready.

@NancyJoan Thanks. Sounds reasonable .

I think he just wants me to give our son the opportunity for 1-1 play, as he used to do play dates with some of his own friends and their toddlers before I left work (we used to both work part time, so had our son on alternate days.) I don’t do play dates, but he didn’t go to nursery back then either!

I don't think that's accurate, DD has a little troupe of friends, they're all 2 and there is a LOT of interactive play among them. She has a decided favourite friend too, and misses him on days she isn't at nursery.