Single and “young” mum in need of advice

[Pammy0]

First of all please no judgment, as someone who had my son at 19 (am 21 now) and with no career lined up (just a normal job at a food place), I don’t expect much people to be too nice about it but here it goes...

I split up with my ex several months ago because he wanted to move to his parents to save up, which meant he moved 3.5hrs away from his son and he’s been coming to see our 18mo son every 2 weekends, but for a few hours and see his friends for the rest.

And now recently, I had to move away from the place to live with my mother along with the little one because our place was getting sold and I wasn’t able to find a job at the time so meaning I couldn’t afford anything to get myself. We’ve gone from being 3.5 hrs to my sons dad to just under 6 hrs (visits 1 a month now as he’s low on money too) but that’s not even the point, I live here with my mum and I don’t know what to do.

I want to go off and get an apprenticeship so I can further train myself in a certain job rather then spending 4+ years at uni in an area I don’t even want to stay in long term, get a part time job (eg mcdoanlds) or an apprenticeship but the area we live in really requires a car. As in there are buses and trains but buses come twice an hour and are often super late and trains come once an hour and often end up being cancelled so if I went to work outside of my area it would be difficult. There are only 10 apprenticeships within 5 miles where I live and none are which I’d like to go in to so having a car would be handy but then again that’s costly. I already get financial support from the gov and so it obviously won’t last me with also paying for driving lessons.

I suppose I want to know whether there’s hope, because when I lived in the previous area and also with my ex things were going so much better and the futures looking brighter but now I feel like I’ve gotten myself in deep. I need advice and has anyone been in a similar situation? Pls help. My ex used to be so helpful with advice and motivate me but now we are on really bad terms because no matter how nice I am to him, he’s still nasty towards me making it seem like it’s all my fault. My mother isn’t any moral support herself, she’s barely making her own ends meet too.

I don’t k or how much help I can be to you but I was also a single mum at 19! I put myself through college and university and I now have a degree, a masters degree and am starting my PHD next year.

If I was being totally honest, I’d consider a degree if I were you, purely for financial reasons. You will get a full maintenance loan, plus your childcare costs will be paid for. For me this made it all worth while as I wasn’t out of pocket and as well as being able to work part time, I was actually financially very secure and got to pursue a career I love. Please ask me anything if you need to! My child’s dad was completely absent, had no involvement at all so I had to do it all myself.

I’m sorry, it sounds so difficult. I was in your position (except a bit younger) so no judgement here.

One thing I think you need to accept quickly is that you’re a single mum. This baby’s dad is a deadbeat. If I was you I’d look at any childcare you’re entitled to and try to get in a job, any job, and earn as much as you can. I know it’s tempting to think ‘oh but my dreams - uni and my perfect job and this and that.’ But you’re a mum now. Your first and most pressing priority is food on the table and a roof over your heads. I am back at uni now all my kids are in school, since it just wasn’t possible while they were small. But I prioritised us being able to live firstly.

I was considering going Uni but I don’t want to be stuck in the area I live in for 4+ years or even 5 because I might have to do a foundation year due to only having good GCSEs and my college grades weren’t great especially as I did a course I ended up hating and dropped out. How okd are you now then if u don’t mind me asking like 25?

I’m 28 now, just had my second baby too. I think it all depends on what you need to prioritise. For me my career and earning enough to support my child alone was the important thing as I knew her dad would never be involved and back then I just assumed I’d stay single so needed a good wage. Now im married and we both earn a good wage so it’s just a bonus.