How to helk nearly 3 year old become confident in the water

[Sunshine1233]

My son who is nearly 3 is absolutely terrified of swimmmg pools. He will happily play around in his paddling pool with no fear, he jumps into the water, splashes around etc, but when it comes to a proper swimming pool he is petrified.

My husband and I took he swimming last week, there was a shallow pool which was shallow enough for him to stand in, but he would not let go of us and was terrified.

My husband and my dad took him again today and he was still terrified, would not let go of them. He keeps saying 'I'm scared I'm going to fall'

We are going on holiday in September as I'm so worried about how scared of the water he will be. We went away last year and he would only get in the baby pool (about 1 foot deep) and this took a lot of encouraging for this to even happen.

He is due to start swimming lessons soon, but I am also worried he will just refuse to even get in the pool.

Any suggestions how to help him become more confident? Thank you

I would hold off on the lessons. Take lots of toys eg watering cans to the swimming pool, ideally the same one as he using in the paddling pool. Let him sit on the side, no pressure.

I have just been through this with my three year old. He was terrified, wouldn't let go of us and cried every time he went. My husband was taking him to swimming class and he just clung on to him screaming for the whole time. We decided to stop his lessons and just take him to the local pool instead.

At first he clung onto me crying but I just played games with him, I took some swimming and bath toys and got him to chase them and catch them. I put armbands on him (which my oldest son never wore) just to make him feel more secure.

We also got a woggle for him to hold onto and ride like a seahorse.
Another thing that helped was taking his older brother with him to play with and so he saw him having fun so maybe you know a confident child to come along too?

The whole process has taken probably about 4 months but he is happy now, loves jumping in and will happily swim around by himself (with armbands or woggle). He has even started letting me put him under for a second or so.

A long process but it was so important to me that he is happy in the water.

I also reassured him loads that I wasn't going to let him go until he was happy. I didn't try to rush it and didn't trick him
into it or force him to let go. I wanted to make sure he trusted me and he did it in his own time.

Take him in and don't let go of him. that's what we do with our 2yr old, we just splash about in the baby pool, holding her.

Does he have a friend who likes swimming? I had never taken my DD swimming until she was 4 (partly Covid-related). I was very nervous about the first time, but we happened to bump into a nursery friend there, who was quite confident in the water. DD joined in happily, partly I think because she saw her friend doing it. Worth a go?

I'd wait until he's a bit older for swimming lessons. My DS were both nervous in the water about that age, didn't like their faces being splashed etc. As soon as they both hit 6YO they lost all of that nervousness in the water and learned how to swim very quickly afterwards.

Let him play in the shallow baby pool. Do NOT take him in a pool that terrifies him. Cancel the swimming lessons.

Can you not see that repeatedly making him scared in water, forcing him into a pool he doesn't want to enter, is the worst possible way to make him "confident in water" ?

My eldest was the same, he HATED swimming pools and had a breakdown if any water got up his nose or even splashed on his face. We tried a lot as his grandparents have an indoor pool at their house, but he just used to cling onto one of us like a limpet. By the time he was in swimming lessons aged 4.5 though he slowly started loved the water and is now always pestering me to go swimming. Sounds like your son is just not ready - they all get there in their own time.

Do you have access to a pool that has the beach style walk in so no steps etc. I took my DS there when he was little and to start with we literally sat right at the edge playing with toys then we got to about an inch deep, then a couple of inches and so on and so on. We never pushed it and never encouraged him to ho deeper he just naturally did as his little boats would start floating away and he would go after them. Eventually he was at the depth where you cant really walk anymore just sort of bob around on your tip toes and we got a pool noodle to go under his arm pits and that was it he was away.

I disagree about the swimming lessons actually. My ds started at 3 and was the same, took 3 weeks (3 lessons) of him crying when he went in (it was an instructor in the pool not me) and it was really hard to watch I'll be honest but they were really good with him and just sat him on the side, got him in and carried him with them etc but by the 3rd week he was fine and never looked back. He's now swimming without armbands and is in the top group for his class in reception. I'm not sure how long it would have taken if we had cancelled lessons and gone easy. I know some will disagree but he's certainly not traumatised by it, he loves the water now!

Just hold him tight. No funny business. No “accidental” splashing. Do exactly as he asks you. Let him trust you in the water. Keep going back. Even if he holds on. He will get there.

Don't worry about the lessons. The teachers are used to nervous starters and are great at getting them in the pool and their confidence up.

For your holiday I would take some new and exciting bath/pool toys and one of those vest floats. Hopefully the toys plus seeing other children having fun will tempt him in. If it doesn't, don't force it. He'll get there. Like weaning, I personally found being outwardly super confident, smiley and like it is no bigger a deal than breathing worked best for getting them stuck in and enjoying it, even if really you feel nervous or are desperate to comment on their progress/actions. Like it hasn't occured to you they wouldn't get in/love it. Giving them a sandwich as you would an adult, then just get on with eating your own with the usual mealtime chatter = getting their floaty vest on and chucking the new floaty toy in the pool, then getting in youself without a (noticeable) backwards glance and enjoying sitting/stretching out in the shallows.

he's only 3 he'll get there but definitely don't like push him in or something like that, you have to build the trust and resilience that being in the water in the pool is nothing really to be afraid of ie don't let go of him in the water

Thank you all for your replies. I'm hoping to take my son with his older cousin one day, which I hope will help encourage him. I think I may still go ahead with the lessons, if he is stk very scared after a few I will then take him out of them.

Hopefully the teachers will have a lot more knowledge on how to helo him