Feeling unloveable

[Callmepale]

This sounds like a bit of a self pitying post but all I'm really seeking is constructive advice and perhaps even something from those who have been through something similar.

For the last 4 weeks our 21 month old DS has been actively favouring my DH. This has always been the case in a small way but now it's been taken to the extreme. I'm desperate not to let this continue so I will insist on trying to do playtime, bathtime, bedtime as much as my work hours will allow but he hates it! Whenever separated from his dad, he screams, hits me and tries to find him. When we play all together my DS ignores me. It really doesn't help that my DHs approach is to often take DS away from me when he's upset. It's crazy but I'm struggling not to feel like a spare part.

I have been trying so hard not to take it personally and to not let myself be pushed out but it's so tempting to just leave them to it sometimes. My DH also seems happier when I leave them to it.

I honestly don't know what to do. Will it just get better?

Honestly, it sounds like this is triggering deeper seated self esteem issues than just your toddler having a very normal phase. Take it in turns to do bedtime, bathtime etc, keep it light and breezy and it will pass.

How is he with you if your DH goes out or you take him out without your DH? Does that help? Really you can't take anything with kids personally! Just love them unconditionally and know that they love you even if they're not great at showing it right at that moment! I'd make the most of it because as some point he'll probably be a limpet to you and you'll be wishing you could have 5 minutes peace! I don't think there's anything wrong in leaving them to it sometimes if that's easier and your DH is happy with it, if it was the other way around and you were doing more no one would bat an eyelid. Just be present and chip in every now and then. As he gets older he'll enjoy different things and those can be your things - reading him a bedtime story, making rice crispy cakes, going to soft play or who knows what else. At the moment he's really little but may be picking up on your frustration/hurt but he will change so much as he gets older and things will change, definitely no need to worry.