Covid jab hell

[OrlandointheWilderness]

Looking for advice as I'm at a loss here.

I have a nearly 11 year old DD. She's naturally a timid child, doesn't like pain (who does!?) but not confident with things eg took her forever to learn to ride a bike as she was scared and didn't like horse riding because of the fear.
She's had her first covid injection. I've just taken her for the second and it was hell. She was sobbing, screaming I don't want it and wouldn't let them near her. Nothing I said worked and in the end the nurses didn't want to because of the distress (completely agree with that of course). I don't know how to react with this? Obviously a pull yourself together sort of attitude won't help but it just seemed so extreme. When she got in the car she asked why I couldn't just be nice for once and her life was so hard.
Any thoughts, I firmly believe in vaccinations and given my grandparents are elderly and very vulnerable I've always tried to ensure we are all protecting them and us as best as we can.

Anyone?!

Your daughter doesn't need a covid jab. I assume your grandparents are up to date with theirs?

When she got in the car she asked why I couldn't just be nice for once and her life was so hard.

This sounds like she's picked this particular issue as her "poor me" platform and is throwing a wobbly. I'd be very unimpressed. If she didn't want the jab she should have told you, she's 12 not 2, the tantrum was vastly inappropriate.

Yes they are vaccinated. I don't agree with the fact she doesn't need it, I firmly believe in vaccinations, but I'm after more than that.

The injection isn't really the point though tbh, I won't force her to have it of course. What is worrying me is that she was obviously so beyond herself with fear, nothing I said worked. At some point she will need injections in her life, is this something I should look at maybe getting her some help with?!? My DM says I should remove her ipad etc but I personally can't see how punishing a child who acted badly out of fear is appropriate?!

Yes the comment when we got in the car really threw me as her behaviour had been honestly so scared then she threw that out there.

She's old enough to decide what does and doesn't go into her own body now. Unless she actually wants the jab, just leave it. You can advise and encourage but I wouldn't go as far as actually trying to take her for an appointment without a 100% 'yes' from her in advance.

My DD is the same age and I haven't even tried to get her jabbed for COVID. She's completely phobic and if I could get a needle into her, there are other jabs that would benefit her far more. She's already had COVID once and been absolutely fine, we've got it in the house for the second time now and I'm pretty sure she has an asymptomatic case. The jab works by preventing serious illness and death. It does very little to stop you catching or transmitting COVID, so if you're getting vaccinated it's really only to protect yourself (and to avoid burdening the NHS by avoiding hospital care). A child of your DD's age is very unlikely to be seriously harmed by COVID so it's not worth worrying about if they are firmly against having it.

Think about it this way - at least she seems to understand the concept of 'my body my choice' and will put up a fight to protect that right! This will serve her well when she's a bit older and has a boyfriend trying to 'encourage' her to do things with her body that she is not yet comfortable with.

@BlibBlabBlob yea that is true. My DB also pointed out she is very unlikely to become a intravenous drug user which made me smile!

It doesn't sound like she was acting out of fear though, her comment in the car sounds like she was being a brat for the sake of it (as teens do) and threw the fit for some extra attention from a captive audience at the clinic. Added bonus of stressing you out. I'd be sincerely unimpressed and telling her that her behaviour was unacceptable. Then just leave her to it for a bit.

Just seen your update OP. Not super relevant, but is it worth considering your 'all vaccinations whatever/whenever offered without question' approach to immunisation? My personal view is that it's worth having a good look at the evidence for each one before deciding whether to go ahead, balancing risk and benefit, especially if you've got a fearful child.

How has she been with jabs in the past? How was she for the first one? My DD has been utterly phobic since she was really small. Is it a more recent thing for your DD?

It sounds like she had a perfectly reasonable response over this, if she was really afraid of having it. She perceived that she was in serious danger and reacted accordingly. (Not saying she was actually in danger obviously! Just that it's how she felt at the time.)

Does she react well to being presented with more information? I.e. did it take longer to learn certain things because she likes to be in control and know things rather than try them out? You could direct a little project about injections, what techniques, needles and pain relief options there are (yes, there's lots, but vaccine centres here aren't staffed for this). Just a thought.

@MolliciousIntent she's not a teen, she's only 10 and clearly had an extremely distressing experience. It's completely understandable that she had real feelings about that and expressed them. This is healthy behaviour. She just needs to have her feelings acknowledged and she will soon move on. Being labelled a 'brat' and accused of faking her emotions i.e. kicking off deliberately would be appalling behaviour from a parent.

^This is very common.

Sorry but from experience a pull yourself together attitude is sometimes needed.

I do sometimes have to inject/take blood from hysterical sobbing girls whilst their parents feed the drama llama with a ‘oh you’re so brave….just think we will buy you x,y,a once this is done….we will be able to get you better once this is over….oh you are sooooo amazing….” Whereas if they just said straight to them to behave and get it done, things would move a lot quicker.

what is amazing is how when I say (after 30 mins of sobbing and making me miss my opportunity for a mask/toilet/much needed tea break!) I’m sorry but I can’t do it without consent, you will have to rebook’, 9/10 their little princess suddenly complies. Hysterical girls are quite frankly a bloody nightmare.

Oh @BlibBlabBlob, I do plenty of (good!) research surrounding vaccinations- I'm a student nurse and spend half my life buried in peer reviewed studies 😂.
I certainly would never label her a brat either. I know she can be fearful about situations and most of the time I can talk her around but I've never seen this before.

My eldest is like this but she’s autistic and doesn’t understand general common sense. The reason I mention this is there may be something more than just general fear (although some fears are debilitating)

instead of giving her grief, why don’t you ask her why she acted that way? Calmly explain the reasons behind it again and why you want her to have it. Keep talking openly about it calmly. Better than a screaming match no?

She's 10. Once she is calm I think a calm conversation about what she meant about the hard life and be nice for once....was she being drama llama or are these real feelings? What happened at the first injection?

As the jab won't stop her catching it or passing it on I am not sure why you are forcing her to get it. If she doesn't want it, and doesn't need it, then stop forcing unnecessary, potentially risky medical procedures on your child!

@SoS505 this is what is making me uncertain- I'm not that parent! I'm generally a no nonsense, straightforward type and this is out of my natural way of being!

Dear OP, I agree with your view on vaccines. They are there for a reason and they do work...but we do not need to get into the debate now.
You might want to explore her fear though. She was clearly upset. And her comment in the car, although maybe annoying, was clearly triggered by something.
If she really is needle phobic you could try speaking to the gp about it.
Have you discussed with her why you think the vaccine is necessary in your opinion and that vaccinated people are less likely to spread covid and less likely to have severe symptoms?

Oh sod off. I've clearly said I won't be forcing her to have it, I haven't done and wouldn't.

No need to be rude.

So you want advice on how to behave rather than how to make her get it when she doesn't want to?

My advice is to allow her this autonomy over her body and do it with respect. And remember in future that belief in something doesn't make it true, and forcing your 'beliefs' on others is wrong.

Sorry that was rude of me @feedyourheed, it's been a stressful afternoon and I apologise. My belief in something doesn't make it true, but the scientific evidence that backs it up is a little more solid and I don't particularly want this to turn into a vaccination debate.

More vaccines will be round the corner for her eg HPV , school leavers boosters etc so she needs to get over the fear of vaccinations and there will be other needs for blood tests, dental work or whatever in the future. Children and teens are emotional and irrational but lash out at their nearest and dearest as in this case.
I would attempt a rational build up towards another covid 19 vaccine so that this doesn't become a phobia. Sorry me degree of bribery might be useful .we know it barely hurts and a full blown phobia could be very detrimental to her.

Some not sorry me!

Not sure I'd be too worried about the Covid jab tbh (I'm assuming no underlying health issues). I remember my DS being hysterical when having his pre school jabs and the nurse telling him he'd never have to have another needle again! 🤔 Glad she had a crystal ball into his future health!
Consequently his school leavers jabs were something he was very unhappy about having (has ASD and an incredible memory, so took her literally!) but actually said he didn't know what all the fuss was about afterwards.

Covid jab aside you need to work on/with your daughter and her fears - as a trainee nurse this will be good practice I'm sure. She may well need injections for dental treatment, blood tests for investigations as well as other more crucial routine vaccinations which are due in a few years time. Whether she has a genuine needle phobia or a severe case of drama llama is for you and/professionals to decide - but it's not something you can ignore.

Have you told her life’s not fair, it’s always hard in one way or another & people aren’t going to be nice to her? 😃 it might cheer her up that it’s nothing personal.