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3 year old running off

2 replies

3amAndImStillAwake · 22/07/2022 11:09

DD1 has just turned 3 and keeps running off when out and about.
When we're going somewhere she wants to go, I give (and follow through with) consequences, for example "if you run away from me on the way to the playground, we're coming straight home" but it doesn't make a difference.
And obviously that doesn't work when we're on the way home, or we're somewhere she doesn't want to be. In the supermarket I'll say that if she runs off she has to hold my hand, but then she still does, and then spends the whole time squirming, sitting on the floor, yanking her hand away, and then running away again if she does get her hand out of mine. I can't threaten her with going in the pram, as DD2 is in that.
She ran away from DH in a cafe the other weekend, and got out onto the street and up to the road before a woman stopped her. He was so cross (the kind of anger that comes out when you're terrified if that makes sense, as he thought she was going to get hit by a car before he could get to her) and brought her straight home.
We've tried explaining why she can't run off, we've tried seriously telling her off, she's always sorry, but always runs off. I hate taking her out now, especially with DD2 in the pram, as I have to leave her to go and catch DD1.

Are reins the best way to go? Or does anyone have any other suggestions?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
johnd2 · 22/07/2022 12:38

Sounds like she can't stop herself for some reason. Does she do it when things are getting a bit intense? Can you notice any stress in her in the lead up to it? I wonder if there are sensory reasons that make her need to take flight.
Perhaps she needs another outlet. Could you tell her is she wants to run, to give you a signal, and you will take her away from the situation straight away? For example if it's related to too many people it's better for you to leave abruptly together then have to chase her. And if it's related to seeing a dog or someone tall or a certain smell, whatever it is you can give a safer outlet, even if it's not ideal. Then she can turn to you for support rather than taking flight.
Good luck, it must be a worry.

johnd2 · 22/07/2022 12:40

When I say a signal I mean a specific one agreed in advance so it could be to say something specific or it could be to put her hand on your leg and squeeze out whatever is clear and she is comfortable with. Take care.

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