Two teachers and holiday childcare routines

[RoutineQ]

How do you manage childcare when both of you are there?!

Dh and I both teach. I do part time, mainly evenings, so am the main carer during term time. My work continues to some extent through most of the holidays too. Every 6 weeks our routine gets tipped upside down when dh is home! He's a super hands on dad, no complaints about that, but just him being here as well as me seems to throw the kids completely! They're only (just) 4 and 2 so no real idea of holidays/terms etc. He tends to take over the 'fun' childcare when he's here, as they obviously want to play with him, and that coupled with him being fully on 'holiday mode' results in over tired, out of routine small children who behave horrifically by the end of the day. It also feels like we just get sorted with a new normal and then he's back at work, and it's all disrupted again! I don't want to nag or be super strict about routines etc, but honestly this first week of the holidays has had everyone in tears.

Any tips on how to keep things calm without stopping the fun?

Talk to him? Can't he see he's creating a nightmare.

Explain he can't just be the Disney fun parent the needs to be the supportive, structured parent as well and show him the balance.

And the consequences of being all manic with the children he must notice but maybe doesn't understand he's created it, but ha can't be that stupid!

I'd honestly just communicate with him and put a bed time in place and wind down time etc.

Sorry meant to say it's not "nagging" it's just letting him know the house rules to make everyone's life nicer as a family.

My dad wasn’t a teacher, but did work loads of hours when I was a child and when he was home he was just like this! I can remember my mum saying “you all need to calm down before it ends in tears” no end of times - and it just used to end in tears as she predicted! My dad was a great hands on dad too - nappies, cooking etc. just couldn’t help himself when he had time off from taking full advantage of it!

We talk about it constantly! It's just like @Hellothere54 says, he can't help himself. We both decided the 'rules' and bedtimes etc, they just get all excited together, which is fine and I'm happy for them to enjoy each other and have fun. It's not that he can't do discipline etc, but I think even just the fact he's there when he's not usually gets the kids all excited and disrupted. Just wondered if there were any tips for keeping routine when every 6 weeks their main parent changes for a week, or 2, or 6!

Also, I guess I feel a bit left out! I look after them all week and do normal house stuff etc. In the holidays he 'gives me a break' and looks after the kids a lot, which is great, but it feels like my role is usurped or suspended a bit I think. Maybe it's more my routine is disrupted!

A bit extreme maybe, but could you just take yourself away somewhere for the first week of the holidays and they can get it out of their systems while you're off sunning yourself?

I would vote some natural consequences. If he's aware that getting them all worked up leads to over-tired, frazzled children then if he continues to do that, he is the one who has to calm them down, deal with the tantrums, etc. Try to remove yourself from the situation.

Up to a point as you say it will happen if the kids are excited that he's around and they're getting more attention than normal and doing fun holiday things. Small kids on holiday, you will get a relaxation of routine, and it isn't normal. You can't keep exactly the same routine 365 days a year. And if doing fun things means they're overexcited and get worked up - well you wouldn't want the alternative to be never doing anything fun. But he could try to tone it down a little and keep some structure.

I think he needs to do 3 things

1. Deal with the consequences of over excited kids on his own - this includes feeding them and getting them to bed with no help from you

2 do more of the housework and cooking. If he really wants to be a parent this is a no brainer. 3 show you some respect. You’re posting about this on an Internet forum because it bothers you. He knows it bothers you and he still hasn’t stopped. That’s really not nice behaviour and I would expect more from my partner.

I don’t really understand what’s happening to be honest. What do you mean by getting them over excited? What is he doing with them all day?

Agree with PPs, he needs to deal with the consequences of overtired and excited children!

So what’s within your control, OP, is stepping back and letting him deal with those consequences.

After DH experiencing some of that pain, maybe your talks with him won’t fall on such deaf ears.

Do you know I think a combination of what you've both said is a good idea. I have actually signed up for some extra daytime teaching some days of the holidays (for money as well as time away from the madness) but I'm thinking to take myself off for the first day of the holidays for fun would work well - I get a day's peace while they get to do all the exciting raucous stuff and get it out of their systems, and he's the one there who has to deal with the consequences. As I say, he's absolutely part of childcare decisions and routines we have, but probably has forgotten what we know works well for them by the time the hols roll around again. I have learnt to remind him when they usually need a snack, want some quiet time etc before a holiday starts. The 4 year old also loves routine and knows the usual rhythm of our days, it's the 2 year old that DH forgets is not that old yet I think, and really can't cope without at least a short nap, shouldn't have too many biscuits etc. It's OK as a one off but when it's every day for a week or more its too much Having a day or so together at the start would probably help them all establish things their way and remind him that the toddler does need some structure, without me being on edge that they're going to be grumpy later 😂 Thanks, I wouldn't have thought of this as you're always meant to see holiday time as family time, but in reality, we are very lucky to get a lot of time together, so it won't hurt to have some time to myself to relax too.

Honestly I don’t think it matters who is part time, no parent should be the ‘main carer’. Maybe that’s your problem right there. I work part time as teacher and DH full time, not as teacher though, we still share all the bath times, bed times, he cooks on all the days I work actually, he gets home slightly earlier. I suppose I could be classed as ‘main parent’ because he works away some weeks and obviously I work part time so spend more time with the DCs, but I certainly don’t feel like it. Just because a child’s parent works full time, being with them in the holidays shouldn’t be such an exciting novelty, surely. He sees them everyday - or does he not do anything with them in the evenings and on weekends?