I need a reward chart/method

[Neednewfloor]

DS is 4 and becoming v difficult, bossy etc.

What reward methods do you use ?

Stickers and a treat, tokens so can be given and taken 🤔.

What do you do ladies? I need help.

We use a sticker chart for good bedtimes, the more points at the end of the week, the better the reward. Usually something small e.g. ice cream for pudding, magazine, movie night.

To be honest the sticker seems to be a large part of the motivation! Things have got better since we started, it used to be endless negative consequences which I hated, something positive to work for seems much happier for us all.

Whatever system you choose, please don't use something that involves taking away.

The consequence of not doing something is simply a reward not earned. Taking away something they previously earned as punishment is so negative and complex for a small child to get their head around. It strikes at the core of their stability and trust in you. When you give them something, they need to trust it belongs to them, their hard work has earned a reward that can't be taken away.

And member the next time they mess up and don't get the reward offered, but they lost nothing. There is no negative feelings or mistrust, they can start again on a positive and go for it to earn the next reward.

If they constantly feel like they have to win back what they already had then they will become very negative and distrustful of you and lack motivation.

I say this from experience of being that child and having to re-earn simple privileges every day.

@jessieminto thanks noted why I asked here before I start want to do it in the correct way.

Yes avoid removing privileges, always adding. Hence the reward system not punishment system. Try and find something really motivating to work towards. You will need to figure how long your 4 year old can delay the gratification - he probably can’t wait till the end of the week, maybe not the end of the day. It’s ok to offer lots of small rewards too and gradually increase the waiting time.

Thanks all