Third baby - how to move forward

[LdnReno]

Not sure if I've posted in right section.
Just looking for advice on how to move forward knowing you won't have a third baby. DH absolutely does not want a third. I suppose I always thought (hoped) we might have 3 but he is against it and I know I have to respect his choice (as he would mine if it was the other way around). I'm dreading any of my friends having a third, the thought of it makes me feel jealous and I don't want to become that person.
Has anyone been in this position? How did you move forward?
I'm so grateful for my two lovely & healthy children. Some days I'm happy with life as it is, and other days I just yearn for another baby. I know it won't happen though. I'm coming up for 40 so maybe that is also making me panic a bit.
Sorry for rambling.

I was in your position. I won't lie, it was hard at first and there were tears and some resentment (insofar as you can resent someone who is making a perfectly valid choice).

Time helped and now (Im 50) the kids are teens I've totally accepted it. I do get the occasional "what if" moment but not the viscerallonging I used to get. And, tbh, at the time it would have been possible to have a third, it would have made life very, very difficult and these days we are much more financially comfortable because we stuck at 2. 3 would have been a real struggle financially so, honestly, dh was probably right.

I know someone who would have wanted a second but circumstances didn’t allow it. I think the thing to be grateful for is that you have two children, a sibling relationship is present which is why a lot of people have a second. I understand it’s hard to come to terms with never having another when you yearn for one but try and see the positives of what you already have.

I'm in the same situation and it is taking over my thoughts constantly. There are so many sensible reasons to stick with two children and I totally see the logic in my husband's pov. But I just cannot stop longing for a third and for every "against" point my mind counteracts eg.
"You will need a bigger car, house"

• no you won't, the age gap means 3 would fit in the car and you have a 4 bed house

"Childcare would be more difficult"

• Flexible working would allow for Flexi time in the holidays. Family members close by could split the kids between them every few months for a date night. We aren't exactly dating all the time with two anyway! Childcare is payable for 2 years until funding, short time frame for long term benefits. Other kids will be in school too

"Holidays are difficult with five"

• Really? A quick search on TUI/Easyjet holidays etc has plenty of availability for 5 bed rooms?? Also is difficulty booking a one/two week holiday per year really enough to not have an extra family member across the table? Another pal meeting up with siblings in years to come?

"Someone I know got divorced after 3"

• yeah and you know what, plenty get divorced after 0,1,2 as well... How would everlasting resentment affect a marriage? There are plenty of happily married couples with three children- I would know as I seem to see them everywhere!!!

This is all tongue in cheek as I totally see it's something I pretty much have to just suck up and get over, both parties must be on board to have another child. But man, it's hard.

I meant rooms to sleep families of 5 not five bedrooms. First post- doh.

Sorry OP I've re-read my last message and I know it's not what you're looking for 🤦🏻‍♀️
I find it helpful to really focus on the sentiment of how can I ever feel disappointment when I have 2 incredible children . I think we just have to focus on the blessings that we have.

My husband did not want a third child for years, we had miscarried before our first and had two healthy, happy kids. I was very resentful but just got on with life, what was meant to be will be attitude. The want of another baby never went away for me and when I was 38, I brought it up again and just said that my time was nearly up to have another baby, that if we ever divorced he could father another child but I would be too old. He agreed, we got pregnant 3 months later but miscarried at 6 weeks. Pregnant again 3 months later and now have a beautiful 7 month old girl along with a 10yr old and 11 year old. She has completed our family. It would have been different if I couldn’t become pregnant but I would have found it very very hard to forgive my husband if he had refused, as selfish as it may be. ( I wouldn’t have dreamed of “accidentally” falling pregnant without his agreement which was suggested to me several times😠) I really feel for you finding yourself in this situation 💖