I need sleeping help!!

[Newmama29]

My almost 2yo DS was a great sleeper for the last year, apart from a few regressions here & there. He would go to sleep on his own & self soothe quite happily. We took his cot side off at the beginning of the year following a regression that really helped.

Fast forward to now & after a nice wee holiday abroad a few weeks ago, he refuses to be left alone in his room. We’ve bought him a “big boy bed” mostly because I was having to lie with him for so long to fall asleep before bed & multiple times in the night.

Bed time used to be about 19:30, now it’s taking nearly 2 hours for him to fall over & he’s waking multiple times during the night & not self soothing anymore.

Does anyone have any advice?

How were you getting him to sleep
On holiday and was he in his own room?

At this age my ds suddenly started to need a night light (red one, so it doesn't interfere with melatonin). And for me to leave his door open a crack and potter about upstairs while he went to sleep. I think imaginations kick in.

@lisavanderpumpscloset i love your username! 😂

No he was in a blow up bed next to our bed but mostly in with us which is definitely what’s ruined the sleeping. It was a one bed apartment so didn’t have much choice unfortunately 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Reluctantadult i have that for him & white noise on all night. He also has a tonie box which plays him songs & stories to fall asleep to. I can’t even leave the room from him or he goes absolutely mental, screaming & banging his head off the baby gate on his door

I would give it a week to see if it calms down naturally. Then you can start to duck out, popping in to check on him periodically. Try some sort of reward for going to sleep nicely. I would say something instant like a chocolate button. It won't do any harm as a short term thing. And he won't understand a reward chart yet.

Is he tired enough for bed? DD1 dropped the nap at 21m and hellacious bedtimes went away practically overnight

Sounds like he may have got used to it. Have a look at the slow retreat method. You can adjust it to move as quickly or as slowly as works for you, just don't stay on any one step for more than a few days

And thanks, I love me some Lisa 😂

@Reluctantadult unfortunately it’s been 3 weeks now & it’s becoming harder 🤦🏼‍♀️.

@MolliciousIntent some days I think he’s not tired enough but other days he’s exhausted & still won’t fall asleep alone or can take me ages to get him over then as soon as I creep out the room he wakes up screaming & we have to start the process again 🤦🏼‍♀️. He definitely isn’t ready to drop the nap completely as he can be terrible in the late afternoon if he hasn’t had at least a wee half hour.

@lisavanderpumpscloset I’ll need to look into this method! I’ve tried the “mums just popping out the room for 2 mins & coming back” but he just screams relentlessly until I return, I’ve left for 2 minutes - 5 minutes & there’s no difference, he just gets himself in a state & sometimes bangs his head off the baby gate.

I would also drop the nap. Then put him to bed reaaaaaally early. Anytime from 5pm can be bedtime. Aim for 12hr night as a minimum.

@Reluctantadult if he doesn’t have a nap between 11 & 1 he will end up having a danger nap at 4/5 then he truly would be up all night. I’ve tried to drop it properly & some days he won’t have one if we’ve been busy doing stuff but he always ends up falling asleep on the couch or in the car at teatime

Give it a couple of weeks for him to calm down and relax back into the security that you're there, then try suggesting that you pop out because you need a wee/need to fold some washing/need to eat your dinner that DH has cooked and you'll be back afterwards.

I always found that more successful than just leaving where the assumption was that I was leavng forever (!) and they didn't yet understand the concept of I'll be back in 2 mins, but they did understand me needing a wee urgently as were potty training.

@Newmama29 it sounds like he just needs reassurance that just because you're home, doesn't mean things will change and you'll no longer be there. He's only little and it's a big thing

I did slow retreat with my son, I still do it and he's 7.

I don't talk to him, just get him to lie down and I play the sleepypaws story from the Moshi app (also on Spotify / YouTube)

As an example:

Nights 1-3 I sit next to bed and wait for him to fall asleep, maybe pat his back or hold his hand
Nights 4-6 I'll move away slightly and stop the patting / handholding
Nights 7+ basically just keep moving away, closer to the door

At one point I sat outside the door and all he could see was my foot but it still reassured him I was there

After that I did the potter about thing

It ain't perfect, each child is different but might be worth a go

Good luck!

Thank you everyone! I think I just need to be a bit more patient with the techniques I’m just dying for some alone time 😂. I’m going to try the retreat method as soon as this weather starts to get a bit cooler, the heat is exacerbating the difficulty falling asleep because he’s so uncomfortable

Yeah that's the problem with nap dropping! Cars, buggies, all need to be avoided at certain times of day! Mine both stopped day naps completely at 2yr4m. But it's up to you obviously.

With the going to sleep you've not got many options. Stay with him. Hope he grows out of it. Try gradual retreat tactics. Or go more hardcore worth just ignoring him. It kind of depends on the personality of your child and your parenting style.

Remember, everything is a stage!

@Reluctantadult it’s so hard isn’t it?! I think when he starts nursery in September he will start to drop the nap the days he’s there so that might work us up to it, I tried dropping it recently & life’s just not worth living lol!