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Parenting

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Original poster

Need dummy removing advice

23 replies

Cookie0508 · 19/07/2022 06:55

My DS is 3 and currently has a dummy at night. I'm gutted I missed an opportunity to remove it when he was 1 as he's now well and truly attached to it.

We tried removing it and saying 'no dummy tonight', it lasted about 4 days of upset, lack of sleep and being lethargic all day and we gave in when his grandparents who live very far away came to visit and I didn't want him to be unresponsive and tired all day.

I want to try again, I've been doing lot of reading up about dummy fairies etc, but he's not really at a level of understanding that. He's possibly autistic and his language skills aren't quite there yet.

I feel awful as he really uses it as a comfort but I'm concerned about his teeth and sometimes his breath smells (even after brushing). My teeth already stick out a bit as I was a dummy lover too as a child. Any advice on how best I can approach this?

OP posts:

Orangesare · 19/07/2022 07:02

I would try again in a few months when he’s a bit older and can understand bribery. Often a big item at the end of the process doesn’t work. I had to give a small wrapped item after every success, it was potty training in our case.
it will also give you chance to introduce something else as the comforter

Watchthesunrise · 19/07/2022 07:08

Introduce a blanky or special cuddly toy instead

Cric · 19/07/2022 07:12

The dummy fairy worked for us. He exchanged all his dummies for a present from the fairy.

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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/07/2022 07:57

You just have to go for it. Remove all the dummies and don’t buy anymore.

PissPotPourri · 19/07/2022 08:04

We engineered a situation where our ds swapped his for something he really wanted. We primed the lady on the counter to accept the dummy as payment (obviously payed here afterwards in actual money).
I think because he was actually part of the process of giving the dummy away, he saw it go, understood why etc, he was very accepting that it was no longer there. If he asked for it at night, we just reminded him that it was with the lady at the shop and he was really surprisingly fine!
But obviously, we secretly took the dummy back from the lady, fully expecting full on fireworks and wanting it in reserve. But never needed it!

Original poster

Cookie0508 · 19/07/2022 08:26

@Orangesare Thanks for this, I feel like waiting would be better and the small treat idea sounds like a good plan.

@Watchthesunrise thanks, I tried that, he has a couple of plushies in his bed but he's really not so bothered by them. He's never been that interested in plushies or blankets.

@Cric Sadly he wouldn't know what a dummy fairy was or understand why his dummies were being taken away.

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas Thanks, I was considering doing this once he's started preschool and might be too tired to worry about dummies.

@PissPotPourri I love this, I remember once selling a fish to a little girl and had to pretend it was her fish that we were looking after while she was on holiday. She went home very happy at least. If I thought he'd understand I'd definitely try this, I don't think he's there just yet. I can forsee a meltdown on the shop floor and me carrying him out 😅

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MolliciousIntent · 19/07/2022 08:27

Have you tried putting a hole in the end of it so the suck isn't as satisfying and he gives it up naturally?

LunaLoveFood · 19/07/2022 08:35

MolliciousIntent · 19/07/2022 08:27

Have you tried putting a hole in the end of it so the suck isn't as satisfying and he gives it up naturally?

That's what happened to ds's dummy. He bit a hole in his so I explained to him that he was a big boy now with big teeth that broke it. He was happy to put it in the bin. We did this to each dummy He found and just didn't replace them. We explained that there was no point replacing them as his teeth were too big and would just break them which surprisingly he accepted.

Mrsjayy · 19/07/2022 08:41

We swapped Dds for a Teddy she picked out and then cut the end of her dummy said it broke so we didn't have another in the house. She was upset for a few nights but it passed.

if you suspect your son has Sen it might be his only way to comfort I think I would let him keep it till you think he will understand or not be so reliant it is just for bed it isn't the biggest deal imo.

LizzieSiddal · 19/07/2022 08:47

We did similar to @PissPotPourri. Dd was 3 and really got the idea that she’d swapped the dummy for a toy she really wanted.

she did cry the first night when she realised it really had gone but lots of cuddles and reassurances and she was fine.

Eddielizzard · 19/07/2022 08:47

We said because our DC were big now, the dummy fairy was coming to take the dummies to the babies. We hung them in a tree, had a special movie night, said DC could stay up as late as they liked, special snacks, a new special toy, the works. Talked about it for a few days, then stuck to our guns.

Took a couple of nights and it was over. The whole thing was a positive experience, very little tears. You will have a couple of disturbed nights, but this method really worked for us.

NoitsNott · 19/07/2022 08:52

I just told my DS that big boys don't use dummies and he use to bite holes in all his dummies and then cry as its not as satisfying to suck. I refused to buy more and he just gave up. He was almost 3 when he stopped.

Original poster

Cookie0508 · 19/07/2022 09:00

@MolliciousIntent I hadn't thought of that. He does like to chew them so it might not work but I do have a spare we could try it out on.

@Mrsjayy Thanks, he's currently on the waiting list for an assessment. I definitely feel like waiting as he just doesn't understand when we tried taking it away and it is a real comfort to him.

@Eddielizzard Sadly he wouldn't understand that right now, I'd need to wait til he's a bit older.

@LizzieSiddal Id love to try that, I don't think he'd understand what swapping meant sadly.

Don't get me wrong, he's very clever and advanced with some things but very, what people may say, behind in other places.

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Mrsjayy · 19/07/2022 09:06

Just let him keep it for now he might have a developmental delay or something like that so he might emotionally struggle without it.

Notthisonemummy · 19/07/2022 09:09

I've gone through this fairly recently with 3.5 y/o DS. I'd gotten into the habit of giving it to him during the day when he asked as I am pregnant but had been suffering with sickness and exhaustion at the time, so it was easier to give in!

Much as above, we talked about it for a few weeks before I took it away; in his case, the dummies went back to the space robots for the baby robots (as these are his favorite things in the world!). I picked a week I wasn't working and and didn't make any plans from the Saturday to the following week Sunday, as I fully expected bad sleep and strops. I said the robots would bring him a big present at the end of a full week if he went without plus he could pick a small treat each day if he managed to go to bed without. Had a few nights of bad sleep and major stropping, then one night he just got in bed and was out within minutes. He did ask if he could have them back for a few weeks afterwards, but I said if he had them, his big toy would have to go back, so he agreed to keep the toy instead.

He did find a rogue dummy a month or so after he had given them up and stuck it in his mouth, but decided it was broken and needed the bin and hasn't mentioned it since. So essentially, major bribery! I think it helped to talk about it for a while before hand too, as it wasn't a giant shock. His teeth seem to have moved back now as well, which is a relief.

Perhaps if possible, could you remove it once he is asleep so he gets used to waking up without it? I understand this can be difficult though, as my DS would search for his in his sleep.

Parky04 · 19/07/2022 09:12

We went cold turkey on his first birthday. After 3 days he didn't miss it.

Original poster

Cookie0508 · 19/07/2022 09:30

@Mrsjayy Thanks for this, he's definitely delayed and I don't want him to struggle emotionally.

@Notthisonemummy Thanks that's really sweet, sadly another idea for when he's a bit more understanding maybe.

@Parky04 bit late for that sadly.

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Original poster

Cookie0508 · 19/07/2022 09:34

@Notthisonemummy I meant to say, I did try removing it at night once, he woke up and started talking really loudly and woke his baby brother up 😆i😆i might try it again and hope he doesn't notice. He usually automatically clamps his mouth around it at a slight movement!

OP posts:

dameofdilemma · 19/07/2022 09:44

I'd let him have it for now if its only at night when sleeping.

Dd gave hers up herself at nearly 4 when she had a friend round who said dd 'had a dummy like her baby sister'. She also moved to a proper single bed then so was all part of growing up a bit. She carried on sucking her teddy at night for a good few years until that went too.
No issues with teeth or speech. Am glad now we didn't fight it.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/07/2022 11:11

Cookie0508 · 19/07/2022 08:26

@Orangesare Thanks for this, I feel like waiting would be better and the small treat idea sounds like a good plan.

@Watchthesunrise thanks, I tried that, he has a couple of plushies in his bed but he's really not so bothered by them. He's never been that interested in plushies or blankets.

@Cric Sadly he wouldn't know what a dummy fairy was or understand why his dummies were being taken away.

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas Thanks, I was considering doing this once he's started preschool and might be too tired to worry about dummies.

I wouldn’t fo it when something else is going on. Big transitions are not a time to remove comfort.

StationaryMagpie · 19/07/2022 11:15

i let mine decide when to give them up, i just took them away during the day, they were for bedtime only.

DS is autistic and he dropped his about 5.

there have been no issues with speech or teeth.

SallyWD · 19/07/2022 11:24

We removed dummies when my daughter was 3. She was completely addicted to it and it was definitely affecting her speech. She wasn't formulating sounds properly because the dummy was always in her mouth. Just had to go cold turkey and remove them. There were a few sleepless nights then she was fine at night. On and off for a few weeks she'd suddenly remember and start whining "I want my dummy" but eventually she got over it/forgot about it. It can taje a while but I think the only way is to go cold turkey and just let them adapt to life without dummies, no matter how long it takes.

Original poster

Cookie0508 · 23/07/2022 10:42

@StationaryMagpie thank you for this, that's good to hear.

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