Gave 50:50 now he doesn't do it

[Nutella23]

Hi guys,

I need help.. ex dragged me through the mud to get 50:50 (now 3.5 ear old) even though I work part time and he does full (even though I was happy to have her most days whilst he was working). We were doing every other week and a few days in the week which was all court ordered. He sometimes messed it around but overall was committed. We then agreed 50/50 before our last court date. I listened to everyones advice as he has proved himself now and he was doing well for about a year or so but I am aware he was just paying for childcare most of the time whilst working. Now for 3/4 months he has only done about 40/60 sometimes 30/70 of what we agreed. It started off with lates etc now I always get an excuse and I have to end up having our son. Do I really have to go back to court and start again? I have to keep leaving the days he usually has free “just in case he wants him” terrified of being made to look obstructive again. was an abusive relationship so had to leave, also never had maintenance etc.

i’m tired of it all I did so much to protect and then to support the relationship even though I was nervous throughout to have to go back to sq 1?

whats the best way to do this

Can you speak to your solicitor for advice?

Yes, go back to court. Don't leave it or you'll be pandering to him for the next 15 years. It won't get better, only worse.

My ex said 50:50 and now does 7 hours a week.

but I am aware he was just paying for childcare most of the time whilst working.
Isn't that what most people do?

Definitely seek legal advice and don't let him get away with it. Sounds like :

• Either he realized that a kid is a lot of work and wants to opt out (but not pay maintenance)


• Or he wants to live a single life while maintaining the illusion of "dad of the year"

If there was a chance he might bow out altogether and leave you alone that might be the better outcome. But it's unlikely. He'll keep having you as back up as suits, but heaven forbid you not be available for him whenever he decides he can be bothered !

And maybe it's a way to keep controlling you, always on your toes in case he shows up (or doesn't) when he's supposed to.

Don't sign up for that, it's a miserable way to spend the next fifteen years. Drag him back to court - it's a pain but will be worth it in the long run.

Keep a diary of who your child is with, highlight missed days etc will be useful to refer back to in order to show he's not sticking to 50:50.
I was advised to do this by someone on here. I have an ex who claims he has the children 50:50 (and doesn't think he should pay child support) but my dates show that he has (by choice) spent on average 10 days a month with them over the past few months.

Presumably you would get maintenance if the agreement reflected reality? Document document document and go back to court for maintenance and a contact level that is both achievable and you are happy with. Don’t stress so much about the relationship, that thinking is why he’s not parenting AND not paying you.

Did he want 50/50 to get out of paying child maintenance?

He clearly just wanted to get out of paying maintenance.

Have you been keeping a log of missed contact days? If you already have evidence I would go to your solicitor and make plans to take him to court.

If not, try and recall what you can and keep diary for a couple of months. Record of all days he refused to have the child when it was his day, and once you have evidence he is not sticking to the 50:50 arrangement go back to court.

The whole point of 50:50 is completely equal straight down the middle childcare/finances/time with the kids.

If he isn't sticking to that he is relying on you bringing up the child most of the time without the financial support you are entitled to.

You need to go back to your solicitor.

You need a record of his performance as a 50-50 parent.

You need a revised order reflecting his realistic ability to do 50-50 vs your realistic ability to do weeks plus EOW.

My guess is he only wanted 50-50 because that got him out of child support.

That topic will need to be revisited too.

It's sad that he would use his own child like that.

but I am aware he was just paying for childcare most of the time whilst working.

I’m confused, is he not actually picking the child up when it is his time or is he just using childcare during his time and you are upset because you could be having her?

If it is the first option, what does he say when he misses the contact time? How does that actually go down?

If it is the second one I’m afraid he’s entitled to put his own child in childcare during his 50/50 split.

Take a child away from their other parent who is willing to look after them out of spite, and then pay someone else to look after them? No, that’s only what arseholes do.

But he could have been with his mum who only works part time. The point is the dad is just being difficult.

He will say his childcare has cancelled and needs to go to work usually when i am meant to drop her off

but thank you for the replies I will try and see a solicitor hopefully next month sigh

Shes with a babysitter he sent me her details which is fair

Thank you for all the replies and guidance guys

Him*