No interest in anything but themselves

[Kiki105]

Is it just me or are others mums out there going through the same heartbreak of losing connection with their adult kids. The last 4 years have been tough for us - divorce, the kids losing contact with their dad due to his mental health, Covid, etc. My DD in particular has become increasingly distant with me and as much as I try I just get one word replies. Both DC work full-time now and DD wants to go on holiday abroad with me because her friends have no money. I would love us to have a relaxing family break abroad and hopefully build some bridges between us but at the same time they are both showing zero excitement/interest in organising it and DD even told me she doesn't want to go sightseeing, just sit by the pool. I see no point of going through with this if they're not 100% wanting it themselves. I would have to borrow money to pay for myself and it feels like it could be a completely pointless exercise. I know I sound negative but I feel so down trodden and worn out by my DC's lack on regard for me all the time.

I think you need to build a life for yourself away from your children. Don't go on a holiday you won't enjoy just because your DD wants someone to share the cost.

I'd try to turn your perspective round and see it as a positive that they have grown to be independent young adults.
Build up your own identity and enjoy the new time and space that their independence gives you. Try not to live through them and start thinking of yourself as a woman in her own right, rather than somebody's mum.
You may find that once you start doing your own thing more, they'll start seeking you out of their own accord.

I do have a life of my own - full time job, friends and a new partner of two years (who DC get on well with). I've have several breaks away with new partner. I just feel sad when I see friends on FB having a great time with their grown up kids 🙁 Family is important to me.

Apart from shared holidays at your expense, they will 'love' you again when they need a deposit for a house or subsidy for their wedding or babysitting/free childcare for their children?

No answers, just sympathy. I suspect mine are going to be equally ungrateful.

Step away from Facebook 😀 it's all a fake (or one sided representation of other people's lives. Young adults can be selfish, it's normal.

My Aunt and Uncle took all their grown up children on an overseas holiday last year and my mum tagged along. By looking at FB you would think they had the time of their lives. My mum came back fuming that they were all fighting and miserable the whole time. Don't believe FB and don't waste a lovely holiday going with your DD. If she's not fun at home she won't be elsewhere.

My student DD is so bored by her parents.
I was so excited to be seeing her for the first time since Easter.

It's heartbreaking

I personally would go and try to have a nice time. You'll probably have at least some good times and you'll know you tried.

To be honest no relationships are perfect but like you, family is important to me and I'd rather go and it not be perfect than not go at all.