Could we have not been invited due to DD being an only?

[Greenginghamdress]

I live on a new build housing estate. Friendly and the sort of place where everyone knows each other.

This afternoon I took DD (4) to the little onsite park and saw that some neighbours of ours (not next door but close) had a huge gazebo, paddling pools, food and chairs out on the field opposite . It seemed like a lot of the kids and parents from the estate had been invited, but not me or DD. As we walked through with me walking and DD on her bike, a couple of them saw me and looked away. No one said hello. They would normally. We chat at school and when I see them around and DD has played with the kids before several times. I know one of the mums from when we were teenagers. We are not mega close but there were people there who I didn't think they were that close to either.

We walked past and went home to play with our own paddling pool and I felt a bit put out, even upset that they hadn't asked us or at least spoken to us as we passed. DD starts school in September and a many of these children will be in her class.

My partner said maybe it's because she was an only child and maybe the party was set up so the kids could play with their siblings and the parents relax. Thinking about it there were no other onlies there. He also said maybe I'm trying too hard and am neurotic?

Thinking about it makes me sad. What would you think of it?
( It's unlikely that I'll have another child due to age/MH/relationship by the way)

They sound really cliquey. Try not to get too upset & focus on meeting new people once DD starts school.

I would have gone over to say hello. You have to put yourself out there for the sake of your kid starting school. It's awkward at first but now I have a small group of close knit friends, a larger group for friends to out to the park with and many people that I can stop and chat to. Is there a WhatsApp group for new sept starters at the school where you could suggest a trip to the park over the hols?

I think that the people there may know each other more through school already and knew they couldn't invite everyone just their normal group so limited the numbers a bit maybe

@converseandjeans Thanks, yes I guess we will.

Don't get upset (easily said than done) they probably didn't really mean to not invite you and DD and when you walked past they probably felt bad so didn't say hello. Don't le tit get to you you had the day with your DD in the beautiful sunshine

@supersonicspider Maybe I could have but they were all chatting to each other and I didn't want to invite ourselves! I don't think there is a whatsapp group. DD is not short of friends, she has other friends from dancing etc but they go to different schools.
You could be right, I just feel awkward as an introvert going up there and asking if we could join in 😅

I agree with what the other posters have said, but your partner calling you neurotic sounds a bit much!

Maybe he thought you were being over sensitive, or taking it too personally, but neurotic? Did he actually use they word?!

@stairgates That's possible

@quietnightmare Thank you, that's nice 💜 I'll try not to worry about it

It would be strange to not invite a child because they were an only, there must be another reason. DS was an only for a good few years and we had plenty of invitations from families with multiple children and families with onlies. I'm guessing they all know each other well already for whatever reason and you weren't excluded, just not included if that makes sense.

@BeautifulWar Yes he said that and it's not unusual. I don't think I'm neurotic I just get a bit flustered and busy as most of the childcare/housework etc falls to me ...but a topic for another thread!

I do think you're reading too much into it TBH. We live on a small street and most days when the weather is nice, kids are off school etc some of us will be out in the street. Kids will be playing, neighbours chatting etc. We might get each other a few drinks, something to eat etc. None of this is ever planned or organised and I wouldn't think to knock on to the neighbours who aren't out to invite them. Generally, if they see us out and want to come out, then they will.

I think you may have hit the nail on the head there .

How horrible for you. My heart goes out to you and DD. As previous poster said I doubt it was intentional still hurts though.

I think you're reading way too much into it. Most likely they just invited the people they're friendliest with. You have no way of knowing who they're close to.

Yes I expect it's their older children are at school together. And the woman you know didn't say hello because she was embarrassed

I'm sure it was nothing personal and definitely nothing to do with your DD being an only.

You could organise a get together before term starts with kids you know she'll be in the same class as?

Not 'because she is an only' per se, but might it be it was something arranged from school ?
So some of the folk that chat in the playground said 'let's do this' and obviously you aren't in the class 'chat'. There would be cross over with several of them having younger siblings, but it could have been arranged for the older ones ?

are they there much longer than you? Highly unlikely it is because she is an only child.