My DD is 4 and has always been super close to my mum, her maternal grandmother. My mum lives at the other end of the country and visits every couple of months to stay with us. From the day my DD could walk/talk she has been totally obsessed with being with my mum when she visits. They have a super close bond and it’s really lovely to see. Lately though it’s been hard managing DD’s total possessiveness when GM comes to visit and I need a bit of advice.
If it’s a non nursery day my DD will follow my mum around all day shouting “GRANDMA LETS PLAY!”. Most of the time my mum obliges but sometimes she’s not able to and this upsets my DD SO much and she’ll often end up grabbing a toy and shoving it in my mums face yelling “HELLO HELLO” over and over again until my mum gives her attention. It gets really draining after a while and there is nothing I can do to distract DD or get her off this warpath when she’s on it. I’ve tried distractions but she comes back to GM almost immediately. She also gets really aggressive towards me and wants me to go away, throws things at me and gets very boisterous and verbally aggressive. This is absolutely not the relationship DD and I have day to day, we’re very close and she’s very kind and easy to be around.
My feeling is that DD gets like this because she knows that my mums visits have a time limit on them and she wants to squeeze every last drop out of their time together and feels possessive because of this. I understand because I love my mum visiting too and miss her a lot when she’s away, her visits are special for both of us. But the need for my mum to engage constantly in imaginative games else DD have a complete breakdown is very draining and I sometimes do end up losing my temper when she starts getting overly aggressive towards me. When the 3 of us go out and about the vibe is a lot better and we’re able to have a lovely time but in the house she’s really difficult.
My question is, what can I do to make DD calm down a bit and feel less anxious about needing my mums attention all the time? My mum adores DD and is very patient with her and isn’t shy about saying she needs 10 minutes to finish a cup of tea before playing but I’d love to create a slightly more calm environment when she visits. This is the case whether she stays for 1 night or 3 weeks.
To clarify GM is on her own as my dad passed away a number of years ago. DH is very active and plays a lot with DD but obviously works during the week so isn’t around when DD is at her most possessive with GM! DD is more than capable of playing either alone or with friends, she’s generally not a jealous type but just seems to get over excited and hyper when GM comes to visit.