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Parenting

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Original poster

Is it okay for the kids to be home alone?

38 replies

LittleNutTree · 15/07/2022 22:48

I’ve looked in so many places to find an answer to this, but there doesn’t seem to be a definitive one, so I thought I would ask for opinions here!
Basically, I want to be able to go to the gym a couple of times a week for about an hour or so, but I’m a single parent with three kids, who are aged 14, 11 and 9, and I have no one to look after them. I wondered if it would be okay to leave them at home alone while I go. The gym is 10mins away by car and I would plan to be there around an hour. I often leave them to nip to the shop, but to do something for myself seems really selfish. We have rules about not answering the door when I’m not there and not having friends over. I always lock the door but leave a set of keys in the back door so that they have the ability to get out quickly should they need to.
Some background, I work from home (50hrs pw) and have no free time to myself during the week. The younger two go to their dad’s every second weekend, and every Weds (but by the time I finish work, I only have 1.5hrs before I pick them up). Their dad lives 15miles away and we have a very tense relationship, so I can’t/won’t ask him to help out more.
We live in a safe neighbourhood and we know all of the neighbours, although I wouldn’t want to ask any of them to babysit because it would be a regular thing, and I feel would be too much to ask of any of them. My teenager is pretty mature and sensible and the younger two are mostly sensible too. I feel like they would just sit on their tablets anyway and not even notice whether I was in the house or not!! 😂 I would be contactable by phone and we have cameras in the house, which are really to check on our dogs, but I can chat to the kids through them.
The other idea I had, was for my 9yr old to sit in the car outside the gym (it has big windows and I can see into my car from pretty much everywhere in the gym), but I don’t know if this is a better or worse idea than leaving them at home with their siblings.
What’s the general consensus? I would definitely appreciate honest opinions and wouldn’t be considering this if I didn’t feel like I could trust the kids on their own.
Thanks for reading!!

OP posts:

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/07/2022 22:50

I'd be happy leaving the 14yo and 11yo as long as they get on. The 9yo I'm not sure - only if the 14yo agreed to do it as their babysitter, and they got on.

Can't the 9yo sit inside the gym on a chair with a device?

misssunshine4040 · 15/07/2022 22:51

The 14 year old can "babysit"
As long as you feel you can trust them not to fight and behave and the 14 year old can control the younger ones behaviour then it's absolutely fine

cestlavielife · 15/07/2022 22:51

Why not just go out jogging for 45 minutes? Get changed and showered at home

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Original poster

LittleNutTree · 15/07/2022 22:57

Ooh, thank you for the speedy replies!!😊

I hadn’t actually thought about asking the gym whether my youngest could sit there… I do remember them putting out a memo before about not having under 14s sitting in the gym, saying that they weren’t covered under insurance, but there is a waiting area, so I might look into this.

The 14yr old is always looking for ways to earn pocket money, so I could maybe sell it to them from that angle! I would always make sure they agree and know that they have the option to say no too 🙂

OP posts:

Original poster

LittleNutTree · 15/07/2022 23:00

@cestlavielife I would desperately love to go jogging but have a knee injury that I can’t shift unfortunately. I was a super keen runner before this happened but I can’t even get halfway through the couch to 5k now without pain. It would be much cheaper and much less hassle if I could!!

OP posts:

Cherryana · 15/07/2022 23:02

My regular babysitter is 14 - my children are 11 and 9. So I definitely have no issue with it. You can gauge how sensible your children are.

CockSpadget · 15/07/2022 23:05

If they are trustworthy then there's no reason why the 14 year old can't be in charge for a couple of hours. I had babysitting jobs from 13 years old, as I'm sure many of us did. You can always ring or message a couple of times to check on them.

Justfortherandomquestions · 15/07/2022 23:10

I would say this sounds fine. Sounds like you have lots of measures in place- I'd go go for it

Original poster

LittleNutTree · 15/07/2022 23:12

Thanks everyone, this has been really reassuring! I was actually expecting to be shot down and told I was being selfish, but I think that’s more me projecting than anything… I’ve been scared to talk to friends about it in case I get judged 😔
(As an aside, when I was 15 I babysat for a woman I vaguely knew, looking after her 6mth old baby overnight in her house!! Looking back and with my own experience of being a parent, I can’t believe she trusted me like that, but it was the mid-90s 😂)

OP posts:

PuttingDownRoots · 15/07/2022 23:15

My 11yo stays home by herself for a couple of hours.

I don't trust my 9yo to stay alone... but with a 14yo who she gets on with and who I could trust... that could work.

womaninatightspot · 15/07/2022 23:19

My eldest two are 11 and 9. I'd let them stay at home for an hour. Babysat by screens. Wouldn't leave 9yo as he'd get lonely

user1477249785 · 15/07/2022 23:21

Unless there are particular issues, this is definitely fine.

Justfortherandomquestions · 15/07/2022 23:23

I think it's hard as a mum to get back into the mindset that you deserve time that is carved out for you, and the guilt holds us back! But see this time at the gym as an investment in your kids having an even more healthy, energised and happy mum which can only be good for your family! It's definitely working testing this new routine out- good luck!

Original poster

LittleNutTree · 15/07/2022 23:28

@Justfortherandomquestions This is absolutely the case! My mental health is definitely better when I exercise regularly, but I feel guilty for using the time for me and not for spending time with the kids. The ages they’re all at, they’re probably not even fussed about time with me 😂 This stage of parenting is very weird!

OP posts:

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 15/07/2022 23:35

My then 14 yr old babysat my then 9yr old. I always mentally had 10 as an age I was happy to leave them at on their own. It has been a good lilttle job for her as she has grown a little older babysitting for others.

liveforsummer · 15/07/2022 23:45

Do they get on? I've a 12 and 9 year old and can't really leave them together as they fight a lot. Tried a couple of times for shorts periods and it's generally been a disaster

ThirtyTwoDogs · 15/07/2022 23:49

I would perhaps pay your 14yo to “babysit” so they know they need to be responsible

alexdgr8 · 15/07/2022 23:54

the only i'd have is about the front door.
you say there are keys left in the back door.
does that mean that they cannot get out of the front door.
if so, that is a risky situation, for any occupant, not only children.
in case of emergency, all means of exit should be usable easily.

Divebar2021 · 16/07/2022 00:04

I would say it was borderline… and no way would I pay a 14 year old from outside the family. I seriously doubt they would handle a medical emergency like choking. I say that as someone who worked in child protection for a few years.

Sunnytwobridges · 16/07/2022 00:40

I left my ten yr old by herself for a couple hours to go to the gym. But she’s always been very responsible and would do homework or watch tv til I got back. We also had a dog so that helped her feel safer even tho she was never afraid to be alone.

AegonT · 16/07/2022 18:10

If they are all sensible then I wouldn't hesitate to leave the 14 and 11 year old for a short time. The 9 year old I would only leave if the 14 year old is happy to babysit and can be trusted to keep them safe.

BlackAndPinkNose · 16/07/2022 18:14

My then 14yo DD sat for her 11yo and 9yo cousins regularly. I wouldn't be at all worried about leaving them OP

Retrievemysanity · 16/07/2022 18:14

I think it’s absolutely fine if they all get on and more importantly, if they’re happy with it and you’re confident the 14 year old is ok with being in charge. My friend does this with her children and they’re similar ages.

Cuppaand2biscuits · 16/07/2022 18:17

I have a 9 and 11 year old, I leave them for half an hour to pop to the shop. I would definitely leave them longer with a 14 year old. Mine get on well and don't fight but both can be a bit panicky!

You won't be allowed to leave your 9 year old anywhere within the gym or waiting area.

scochran · 16/07/2022 18:18

I would definitely leave them at that age to get a bit of balance for your life and look after your health. The only thing I really worry about is fires so as long as my alarms are fine and we've discussed how to leave house safely I'm happy

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