Hello, so i am a 24 year old step mother to a 8 year old. Her dad is 26. We have been together for 6 years now going on 7. I came into her life when she was 2.5 so she was fairly little. As i got older i always told myself i didnt want to be with somebody who had a child already because theres a lot that comes with that as is. Well my boyfriend and i ended up falling for each other really hard and i put aside what my beliefs were personally because to me he was what i wanted.. except for the having a child with somebody else previously.. Because i loved him so much i continued in the relationship and we actually ended up having a daughter of our own. Who is now 4. Well, i got over my feelings of him having a child but after 3 years or so of being together i started to feel very strongly about it again and it has not gone away. It has actually gotten stronger to the point where i get annoyed of her always being here. When he and i first started dating he was very active with her and did his job as a father. Well after a while he stopped doing all those things and relied on me to pick up his slack.. at first i didnt think anything of it but as time went by and realizing he does nothing and of course our share of problems aside form his daughter , i started to get really annoyed by him. He talks and cries for them to other people and goes off about how much he loves his kids, but when he has them here he doesnt pay any attention to them. He'll say hi and give hugs for 5 mins and then thats it. His daughter comes to me every single time she gets hungry and wants something instead of her dad. But when she doesnt like what i have to say she goes to him. Which irritates me. He expects me to care for her but i cannot say anything to her without him or her being bothered. He constantly contradicts me in front of her all the time too which is irritating because hes not actually present to take care of her. Her mom and I are two very different people and have 2 very different ways of how we raise and care for this kids. Im mexican so i grew up in a household where every weekend was cleaning day and we had to clean all the time and didnt like the house to be messy and we learn things at a young age. Her mom doesnt really implement chores or discipline it seems like. She cant sweep, cant wipe down a table, doesnt know how to pick up after making a mess. Meanwhile my 4 year old does this without any problems. But with the 8 year old its almost impossible to get her to do something and complete it. Anywho, now that her dad and i have been having major problems and ive brought up splitting up which he absolutely refuses to do and i have yet to understand why when there have been more downs than up in a good while. He still continues to pick her up from her moms and leaves her to me to take care of. He hates taking either of the girls with him anywhere every time he has errands to run and chooses ti go alone because it is so much extra work to do things with his kids by his side. Even though i have to do it too but with his daughter too. I told him if shes here that he needs to be more involved with her and actually do things with them. I tell him to feed her, clean up after her, anything but to just pick up his slack and he wont. He doesnt see an issue with anything of his actions because he works hard and brings in the money. After fighting so hard and not being heard i finally just decided that if he cant do his part with her then I wont pick up his slack in being a parent to her. I know its hard because weve been together for so long but i just cant do it anymore. I cant. Its draining. My daughter is autistic and does require a lot of specific attention. He also doesnt do it with her. But i cannot keep taking this role on with his 8 year old. She acts like a baby. She refuses to listen to me even though i am the one whos been by her side since i got involved with her dad , but yet gets mad because i have rules in my home and there will be punishments with they dont listen. He doesnt like that. I just dont know what to do anymore. How do i get him to understand that he needs to stop throwing his 8 year old on me and expect me to just continue to roll with it all because he works and makes the money. I told him if he cant make an effort then i will not continue to help him, but instead he keeps brushing off everything and anything i say. Am i wrong for not wanting his daughter around? Is it wrong that i dont want to watch her while he is gone all day working? He literally leaves for work at like 4am to come home at 5-7pm because he works 2.5 hours away? I cant shake this feeling of not wanting her here off at all. It just irritates me to the point where i sit in my room to not have to be around her. Please i dont know what to do.