Advice re breastfeeding

[Murty82]

Hi

Have been struggling since 2nd baby born. He's now 9 months and I have a toddler almost 3. He's breastfed so I never really go anywhere and don't really get the time to pump. Dh works evenings so I'm on bedtime by myself which is crazy. I have post natal depression and on anti depressants. Baby wakes me up several times a night, haven't had more than 4 hours sleep. My sister is the only help I have rest of the family live further away. He can't sleep or do anything without me and I can't be away from him for him to get used to it cause there's no one to take him. Dh suggested move to formula so at least he could do overnight but afraid that change might break me completely. Just a bit lost and worn out. Feel very alone and isolated. Friends all have kids and babies so not in position to help. I'm wondering is the breastfeeding affecting everything for me now.

I assume he's weaned and has BM on demand? Or is he still fully breast fed? I never fully BF as I didn't enjoy it so I did formula and express feeding! Expressing is definitely time consuming. If you are open to it, try add in some formula feeds esp overnight that way your DH can help and you can get some more sleep. Don't stop BF suddenly - as you already have a diagnosis of PND, this can make things worse. I suggest cutting down slowly to allow your hormone levels time to adjust instead of coming crashing down. My son is 14 months - it gets better. Also speak to your HV or GP about your mood - they should be able to refer you to someone in the community or offer help.

Mine wasn’t bf but still woke up A LOT at that age. Drastically improved around 13 months. Hang in there. It’s bloody tough

Oh it's bloody hard work isn't it? As previous post, check in with your HV or GP and see if you can signposted to a BF group of a clinic, so you can get some support. Meeting some people in the same boat will help.

Hi there, Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. That sounds so tiring. First of all well done you for breastfeeding for so long. What an amazing achievement, especially as you have a toddler to look after too. It's so hard to see the wood for the trees when you are so exhausted isn't it!

If it's any help, I can share my experience, as there are some similarities. We have very little social support locally and my LO was breastfed too. Her sleep was awful (waking every 30 mins or less ALL night for over 2 months!) and she would only be settled with the boob. I was exhausted and in a very difficult place mentally. I know it's not for everyone but we decided to do some sleep training at about 7 months and it made an immediate difference to her sleep. I still fed a few times at night, as I felt she still needed it at that age. I then slowly swapped one feed a day to a bottle and then replaced the other feeds. My LO is now 13 months, we are all much better rested and my mental health is back on track. For us, sleep training and transitioning to formula made a huge difference and helped me survive a very tough time.

I don't know if that's any help, but just know that whatever you decide things WILL improve. Just hang in there and do whatever you think is right for you and your family. But please don't underestimate the importance of looking after yourself : )

will your baby take a bottle? either formula or pumped milk? If not, the first thing it that he has to learn to drink enough from a bottle (or even sippy cup at 9mo). Pick one brand of formula and one type of bottle and offer the same every day at the same time (e.g. after the afternoon nap). Baby will probably fuss and not want it, but if you are consistent for 2 weeks, he will learn to drink it.

then when he reliably drinks formula (and presumably eats food), you can start increasing the amount of formula and doing less breast feeding. that will give you a break and help baby move to the next stage of feeding.

how is sleeping? are you sleeping in the same room? have you done any sleep training methods? you might want to look into that, because maternal exhaustion has a really bad impact on your health and well being. And if baby learns to sleep, then everyone in the family will be happier.

Speaking from experience, when you have (postnatal) depression, often the thing that will solve the situation feels just as shit and scary an option as everything else does but once you take the plunge it can really be a game changer.

Try the formula. Has your LO accepted bottles already? If not does he take a dummy? Buy the same brand of bottle as you have dummies so that he’s familiar with the teat.

Hi OP, your thread title is 'advice on breastfeeding' but it's not clear to me from your post what advice you want? I'm sorry to hear you're in a difficult place right now and I empathise with some of what you've said here. My DC2 is 9 mo now too and I was mostly breastfeeding him but DH has always done a few night feeds a week of formula since he was tiny, so I can sleep more, and we introduced a formula bottle before bed over the last few weeks too. He has been refusing to breastfeed in the day a lot the last couple of weeks though which has been a worry so I am going to formula feed him in the day now and just breastfeed overnight, assuming he's happy to continue with that.

There’s a massive emotional component in stopping breastfeeding so I’d say if it still works during the day then carry on. Stopping because you’re ready is one thing, stopping because you feel backed into a corner is another.

You could do one night of formula. Just do one. You don’t have to commit to a permanent change. And then see if you want to do another.

Hi OP.

How is your baby doing with solid foods? Waking repeatedly in the night for milk could be due to not getting enough calories from food during the day. The NHS advice is that at ten months they should be on three main meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) with milk offered in between, so at nine months your wee one should ideally be getting close to that.

Something to consider for night times is co-sleeping. I was never comfortable doing this when mine were tiny but once they could move around more I found it a life saver! Baby can feed while you sleep on, or at least you only have to wake a bit and there's no getting out of bed. It might be helpful? The Lullaby Trust has great information on how to co-sleep safely, if you're interested.

My other thought is does your baby use a dummy? It could just be the sucking that they want at night sometimes, rather than milk every time?

Also, is your husband around in the mornings then if he works evenings? I always found the mornings the best time to express milk (it use to take half the time than if I tried later in the day).

Thank you all for responses!!

He's weaned now and has 3 meals a day and bf on demand. He eats quite a bit in those meals, often have to stop him cause he can throw some of it back up!

I haven't done sleep training actually, I did with my first but this guy co sleeps with me and won't go anywhere except my bed. He slept on my chest for the first 6 weeks, wouldn't even lie down

Thank you for dummy suggestion, have tried it and he doesn't like it, throws it out of his mouth.

Dh is around in the mornings, takes lo for walk so can get an hour there 3 days a week. I think it's the long slog in the afternoon and overnight I'm finding tough. My toddler is full on.

I suppose the advice I'm looking for is can I stop. Feel mad guilty about it.

There is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. You have done an amazing job and he has had a fantastic start. Don't beat yourself up . Just do whatever suits you and your family. It's good your dh wants to give him a bottle during the night so go with that. Maybe if dh had some holidays coming up it would be a good time to start as you would all be more relaxed. Your mental health is vital for you and all of you together.

You can stop whenever you want! Don't feel guilty. Just cut down gradually so the hormones can stabilise or else you might feel worse with your PND.

“He’s breastfed so never really go anywhere”.

Why? You can totally take a breastfed baby on a day out or even on a camping holiday.

If you want to go out without him then just breastfeed him before you go and after you get back. It’s ok for him to go several hours on just solids and water if he doesn’t want to drink formula. He might prefer a cup to a bottle. I was back in full time work before my baby was 9 months old despite him being a complete bottle refusenik who wouldn’t touch formula or expressed breastmilk.

A few more tips. Don’t use any electronic devices during night feeds. Don’t turn the light on unless you really have to. Otherwise you’ll take longer to get back to sleep. If it’s a warm night and you are struggling to fall asleep once the baby is asleep then go for a shower. If the toddler goes to bed after the baby or wakes up before the baby then get your husband to deal with the toddler.

The key to getting enough sleep is learning how to change a nappy in the dark without waking the baby. Don’t put vests on your baby at night because if there’s a nappy leak it’s impossible to take the vest off without waking the baby.