Toddler Preferring Mum

[ClingyClingy]

Hi there, NC for advice please as outing things on other threads!!

I have a wonderful 2.5 and 6 month old (on maternity). Both boys.

DC1 has always enjoyed playing with Daddy and when I was pregnant very much preferred him.

In the last few months this has switched 180 and he has become obsessed with me doing certain things and won't let his dad do it without throwing a massive tantrum.

Eg I take him to nursery, put him to bed, give him a bath (a nightmare in itself), change his nappy. Obviously we don't pander to this entirely and sometimes it's impossible if I have the baby but he has an absolute meltdown when his dad does it instead.

My DH has always been very involved and never shied away from any aspect of parenting so it's not that DS isn't used to his dad doing these things

I'm aware it may be a jealousy thing over the new sibling (who he seems to adore and dot on) but we're at our wits end!

We both share the same parenting style so there's no change really in how we deal with tantrums etc but my DH is so upset at being constantly told to go away or just ignored in favour of me.

We're trying to find the balance between being understanding but also very firm and letting him have a cry before again enforcing that daddy is going to do x

It's got to the point where DH is a bit scared of being alone with him as he can't seem to calm down for him like he does with me

I'm very aware this is a normal phase but just wondered how long it went on for and what techniques others have tried to have him more accepting of dad doing things

Thanks!

Your final paragraph is your answer - This is a normal phase and it will pass!

My DS(3) has always been a mama's boy. It was just me me me. I'm the only one that can feed him, put him to bed, get him dressed, bath, bedtime; you name it.
I too was at my wit's end and like yourself its not like my husband wasn't making an effort. He's really hand on and help out loads but DS just preferred me.

What changed things for us was when i went back to work not long ago (9 months now). He is now forced to spend the majority of his time with dad as he does the nursery runs and care for him until I get home. Now DS wants nothing to do with me hahaha. He would scream and kick if dad goes out but he would happily push me out the door lol.

I know its a hard phase but I would suggest dad doing things with son outside of the home just the 2 of them. That will help massively. Also the baby as you've said is definitely may be adding some territorial feelings for him. I know you said your DH is scared to be with him alone but he's gonna have to just brave it out and try not to give in too much to DS demands of wanting mummy to do this or that.

Thank you so much for your reply. I know it's a phase but reading that someone else experienced it gives me such relief!!

I do think maternity leave has exacerbated the situation as I am doing more and there is definitely a territorial thing going on!

I think the catalyst for DH being a bit scared is that he did take DS away last month with two mates who also have boys of a similar age. They booked some activities and two nights in a cottage. It was a disaster and they ended up coming home a day early as he wouldn't settle at night.

But you're right, keeping up the 121 time will help.

How did you cope with forcing him to let your DH do things for him? I have to either lock myself in a room or completely ignore him and his dad drags him upstairs for bed. Then has to leave him a couple of minutes to calm down before he'll eventually have a cuddle with dad to feel better then be put to bed-and it's so traumatic each time!!

I don't go back to work for 7 months so hoping it improves before then!! 😬

I was a single mum years ago
my dd adored her uncle-I was invisible if he was about-if I’d dropped dead and he was stood there,it wouldn’t have bothered her
my ds loved his Nan-still does-she was god in his eyes
next ds wanted me and only me-still the same at 22 (not as bad tho-that would be weird)
the next 3 kids just didn’t go through this phase-although one adored his nursery teacher

it’s just a phase-some go through it and others don’t-they grow out of it