Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Partner meeting 9 year old daughter for the first time

32 replies

Onedayatatime14 · 13/07/2022 19:46

My partner has a daughter from a ONS nearly 10 years ago. The mother is very manipulative, controlling and lies, a lot.
My partner went to meet his daughter at the hospital when she was born, that was the last time, she's now 9. He said he wasn't interested in the mum, only their daughter and she blocked him on everything.
She has been difficult, cut contact, refused to let his family be involved, lied to the daughter but has now decided my partner can see her. First she said they could meet, then it was a phone call and now she's saying it can be at the park. I know my partner wants to do the right thing but feels so awkward. He's not an open person and keeps his feelings hidden. Does anyone have any ideas on what to say, ask, talk about, what not to do, does he take a gift?
Me and my partner had been seeing each other for over a year when he got her pregnant, I was heartbroken. I've come to terms with what happened and we now have 2 beautiful children together but I don't trust the child's mum. I don't know what lies she's going to come out with. I'm not allowed to be involved when they meet; which I'm okay with; and I trust my partner. It's just such a messed up situation 😪
But back to the original question, any advise I can give my partner for when he meets her so it's not as awkward for them both? TIA

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 14/07/2022 11:15

If head taken her to court then he would have been granted some contact. If her circumstances are as bad as you've heard then he should be embarrassed about his laziness.

Spohn · 14/07/2022 11:16

I’ve issues due to having abusive parents, thanks. But there’s no excuse for your boyfriend, he is unjustifiable.

you’re asking for how your vile boyfriend can explain himself to the child he abandoned, there’s no way he can explain himself other than tell her the truth. ‘I chose to abandon you. I chose to not pay for you, I chose to not get court granted access. I’m sorry you have me for a ‘father’. Here’s money for therapy.’

Spohn · 14/07/2022 11:21

‘We didn’t know anything’
that’s disgraceful. You get how that’s really, really bad, don’t you?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9 year olds Families General parenting Relationship problems
Spohn · 14/07/2022 11:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

clpsmum · 14/07/2022 11:30

Onedayatatime14 · 14/07/2022 11:01

@Spohn we didn't know anything. As far as we were aware she was loved, looked after and healthy. You clearly have issues of your own that you need to deal with.

I haven't reported her. SS were involved as far as I'm aware.

Both parties could have done things differently but they didn't, the past can't be changed.

I stupidly thought people would have some helpful advise to be able to move forward. Not sitting there pointing the finger and calling names, that doesn't help anyone.

This is awful. What did you honestly expect problem to say??

clpsmum · 14/07/2022 11:30

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 14/07/2022 11:12

Your boyfriend sounds awful! His daughter's mother takes drugs and has neglected her and he's never even tried to go through court to get custody or even establish proper contact with her? He's never paid child maintenance either? For NINE YEARS? Instead, he had two more children with you who he presumably parents adequately. That poor little girl.

I don't know how you've stayed with him all these years knowing he's not only a cheat but he's also a shit dad (only to his daughter though so that's apparently ok). All these years, your children have been well cared for whilst his little girl has been neglected and living with someone who is taking drugs.

That doesn't answer your question, I know. But like PP, I'm appalled by him. As a parent, your duty is to protect and care for your child at all costs.

I guess all he can do is say sorry for the last 9 years and hope she doesn't feel inferior to his other children. Maybe pay for counselling for her either now or as she gets a little older and the reality of what she's been through hits her. Perhaps the 9 years of unpaid child support can be used to pay for university or a car when she gets older.

This

alphapie · 14/07/2022 11:42

Onedayatatime14 · 13/07/2022 20:56

I know he's far from innocent and could have done a lot more, believe me!
She took it upon herself to tell his family she was pregnant before he could, that they could be a part of the child's life then when he wouldn't be there for her, snatched it all away. She told other guys that they were the father. Told lies about me.
I've seen every single message between him and her and her and his family, I left no stone unturned.
He was originally supposed to see his daughter at his mums and I think he's just been waiting for it to sort itself out and keep his distance from the mum but it hasn't worked out that way. I know it's not fair and the little girl shouldn't be stuck in the middle.

You still haven't addressed why he never took her to court to gain access to his child.

Your partner is an absolute pig

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread