Me and DP has different opinions about what food we give our DS

[Eri21]

Honestly most of the time it’s such a battle I want to cry..
Our DS is 17m. As all toddlers he can be picky about his food but I try to give him a variety of foods and cook almost everyday simple, healthy meals, lots of fruits etc.
He gets some sweet snacks too, such as baby biscuits or veggie fingers if we are out. So overall I try to give him balanced diet with meat/veggies/fruit/dairy/porridges and snacks too.
My DP however is completely opposite and we had so so so many fights about this. In his opinion DS is big now and can eat everything and is his opinion everything means EVERYTHING - pizza, ice cream, sugary cereal, sweet yogurts, chips etc. and not like a occasional treat but literally everyday food.
He never cooked a meal in his life for DS. The best he can do is to mix avocado and banana together or toast a sandwich.
When I’m at work and they are going out the usually snack is to take biscuits, veggie fingers or any type of snack. I told him many times just to cut some apple/pear/take some rice cakes which would be better but he always gets to angry and defensive and calls me controlling.
In coffee shops he always wants to buy for DS some muffins/ yogurt whatever despite the fact that we I have prepared some food to take with us.
Every morning he’s eating a sugary Kelloggs cereal and keeps giving DS aswell. When we are at home he keeps asking “are you hungry, you want some snack?” and keeps giving biscuits to DS despite the fact that I’ve told he doesn’t need or not hungry.
If he’s eating a sandwich he takes a piece and literally force it to DS mouth even if he don’t want it or turning his head away or want to take himself with his hand.
It’s a battle everyday and I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. He keeps saying I’m controlling him, I’m not allowing this or that but I can’t sit quietly when he keeps giving out DS just junk food everyday and thinking that’s completely normal.

I think you are at opposing ends of the scale and becoming more entrenched in your viewpoint as it goes on

not like a occasional treat but literally everyday food

I think it is finding the balance between these - in moderation so not everyday but not just occasional either

Coffee shops fine to buy a muffin - that is a treat presumably in moderation
Allow him to chose the snacks he takes when you work

But stop the forcing of food and sugary cereals stuff.

Discuss it together and reach some kind of compromise - particularly if you are at work

Show him some books on baby weaning. Show him how much sugar and salt are in foods like pizza, and tell him that babies don't need that much sugar or salt? You're not being controlling, btw, you are just more informed than he is and have your dc's best interests at heart.

What's your p like otherwise? It doesn't sound like a great dynamic.

Sounds like you're too uptight and he's too relaxed - find a midpoint!

Also it's incredibly rude to go to a cafe and take food for your toddler to eat in - if you're going to take a child out to eat, you need to pay for their food.

You are both at different ends of the scale. I wouldn’t like him forcing food into your son’s mouth when he doesn’t even want it. That’s weird. I don’t know how you will reach a compromise tbh.

I agree, it’s very hard for us to communicate sometimes and not always we are on the same page what comes to raising kid.
I dont think I’m too uptight about the food, a bite off pizza once in a blue moon or half a croissant won’t do any harm, it’s not about that but there are certain things I don’t want him to have at this age and certainly not every day, like too many salty/sugary things but my DP doesn’t seem to understand where’s the problem with that.
It’s a constant battle and I feel I’m made to feel like I’m wrong all the time it’s all my fault I started this argument.

I dont think I’m too uptight about the food, a bite off pizza once in a blue moon or half a croissant won’t do any harm

I think you are a bit too uptight, in fact, and your partner is over-compensating by going bonkers on sugary/salty stuff.

Can you not meet in the middle?

If it's any consolation, any potential and subsequent children will be weaned on pizza and ice cream.

I don't think you're uptight at all. Do you do all the grocery shopping? If so, then can you just not buy all the junk food.? Or buy healthier "fun" alternatives? Show him the stats on childhood obesity, sugar consumption, bad teeth, etc...

I agree that bite off a pizza or a croissant won't do any harm, but you are right to be concerned about your 17-month-old eating these every day.

I don’t think you’re being uptight at all! He’s still a baby and there’s just no need. Is your DP overweight?

Why is he force feeding him when he says no?

Yuk. Reminds me of my FIL who was always sticking his finger in toddler DS's mouth with cream/ ice cream/jam etc on it...😡

Do you do the food shopping? Just stop buying the stuff you don’t want DS to have and buy healthier alternatives.

Totally agree sugar addiction is formed in early life and can be an absolute disadvantage in life for a kid to be fat and unhealthy.

My DCs have pizza, ice cream, chocolate, sweets etc but only on occasion. Their actual regular diet is fairly healthy.

You're not too uptight at all! People saying that probably feed their kids chicken nuggets 4 times a week and call it a balanced meal.

You obviously have far more wits about what is healthy for your son and IMHO that is non negotiable. Your husband sounds like he has unhealthy habits if he is eating like this all the time, no way do you want to pass that on.

You need to be firm with him, sit down and make a list of the foods your son absolutely should not eat (sugary cereal should 100% be on there), foods that are OK for a treat and foods that should form part of his diet daily. Parenting is about teamwork and you need to logically articulate to you husband why his approach is not working so that he is on your level. Good luck!

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You are going to have a lot bigger problems if you can't even agree on this at 17 months old. You need to come together make an agreement and stick to it or you will doomed

I dont think you are uptight but you are stuck in a constant battle.

I think the food is actually a symptom of your communication issues and your poor son is stuck in the middle and is going to potentially grow up confused as to why he can have ice cream and cake one day and then he cant the next.

Its not that you are wrong but you do need to figure out a way to agree on this to avoid confusing your son or causing irreparable harm to your relationship (which isnt going to solve this)

I'd strongly recommend that you both listen to A Thorough Examination on BBC Sounds about UPF (ultra processes food).

If he listens to it and still insists it is OK to feed a toddler these foods then I would actually reconsider the relationship. I know that probably sounds like a massive over reaction but I would struggle to be with someone who was so wilfully ignorant about caring for their own child.

I'm kind of on the fence, we did baby lead weaning, which ment little ones just had the same as the rest if us. But that only works if the rest of the family are eating a responsibly healthy diet. Does your DH only eat junk food himself? If so I can see why he thinks it's fine, it's his normal. Could you suggest the entire family try to eat healthier meals together?

I also tend to order my toddler things if I'm in a cafe, I'd feel rude giving them food I'd brought in, so maybe your DH feels the same. I tend to go for a either toast or a t-cake, which is sweet but not terrible as a one off.

The sandwich sharing is a choking risk if he's putting it directly in babies mouth, but giving baby a tast of whatever your haveing is perfectly normal. Insted of trying to ban it and getting off the point with an argument, could you phase it that DS wants/ needs to learn to feed himself so just hand him the food. The toddler can then choose to either eat it or chuck it.