Challenging 3 year old.

[gemloving]

My 3 year old is very challenging and at times, I don't know how to react and then at the same time find it hard to stay patient at all times.

If the tiniest thing doesn't go his way, he gets so frustrated and angry. He bites and hits. It's as if his brain has switched off and he is then unable to take any information in, pure frustration and anger. I stop him from biting and hitting me and continue to say. I won't let you bite me, I won't let you hit me but when it's happened for the fifth time, it can happen that I just remove him from the situation and place him in a room (I wouldn't close the door, just tell him that mummy needs some space to breathe) because I get so frustrated and angry myself (I'm actually not an angry person or at least not that I know.) I know he's my son but having someone wanting to hurt you isn't great.

Things we've tried: timers, options (lots of people say they help, they don't with us).

He does calm down eventually but it's hard. His communication now is now ok, he was slightly delayed but has almost caught up. He can put short stories together, past present, future etc. A lot of people told me all about the terrible 2s but our 2s were quite relaxed.

He's got a 1 year old little brother and I often have to make sure his brother is safe.
My family tend to say it's a phase but it seems like a never ending phase.

He is not aggressive towards anyone but me, my Husband or his brother. He's never hit or bitten another child or another adult, at nursery or his grandparents, as I said, just us. He tends to be an angel there.

Any comments would be appreciated. I needed to get it off my chest.

I’m sure you’ve probably tried all of these, but these are some of the things I did with DS who has behavioural issues and speech delay:

Explaining the feelings, acknowledging them then explaining that whilst he might think it’s not fair, mama is in charge and we’re not doing x y or z even though it makes him feel angry/sad/whatever.

Distracting with something else.

If either (I’ve DTs) started crying and tantruming, I’d interrupt them and tell them to be quiet because it’s mama's turn now, then I’d copy them. Then stop, and invite their sibling to have a turn, before stopping them and letting the original whinger have a turn. Repeat until said child has got bored/stopped crying/cheered up.

Telling him not to hit before he does it. This one works every now and again, but I’ll chuck in a threat of toy removal or whatever, then follow through.

Mainly though, I just found my kids to be complete arseholes from 2-3, then they magically became more agreeable and lovely again once they turned 4!

Mine had his terrible 2s at 3 really. Biting was similar. A child psychologist told me once something that made a lot of sense. Children tend to let it out near those who are closest to them. him being like this only with you might suggest the same. He's taking out all the "bottled up feelings" because he's relaxed with you (whatever those may be for a 3 year old, 😂). It does really pass, trust me and your parents. A simple tactic that worked for me was just Going out of the room for a bit which calmed us both down.

@MuchTooTired thanks for the advice.

@HumpreyDowny oh I do hope so. He can be so loving, funny & he's now quite good at playing by himself with his doll house, train track, road, play doh, connetix etc.

Yes leaving the room sounds like a good idea. If I can't and he'll follow me, I continue to say: I won't let you bite/ hit/ push/ kick / pinch (whatever applies).