Private parts

[username00]

A weeks ago I taught my daughter (3) a bit about consent and privacy. She had been trying to look down my top when we were sitting outside and I told her that my boobs were private. This lead on to a talk about private parts which we named and personal space/consent. I work in childcare and I basically went over the lesson we did for our preschool children recently and she responded really well to it. I thought I had done quite well with it until my husband was sitting out in our garden sunbathing with his top off and my daughter then said 'Daddy that's private, put your top back on' (pointing at his nipples) - I realised I didn't know how to explain how that's okay and different from Mummy doing it? Can anyone advise?

That’s very sweet!

I guess you can just explain that women have breasts for feeding babies, and mostly women keep those private. Men and little kids don’t have breasts.

I never know what to call female genitalia when talking to my daughter (4). I don’t like ‘front bottom’, ‘ bits’, etc but I can’t quite bring myself to use ‘vagina or ‘vulva’. I don’t use ‘boobs’ either - I prefer ‘breasts’.

I would just say daddy doesn’t have boobs he has a chest. But I will admit it’s a bit of a minefield when you actually think about it

I've never understood why it's okay for men and not women either tbh

Interesting question, kids have a way of getting to the bottom of illogical things.

Often a good way is to frame it in terms of people rather than rules eg say "most ladies prefer not to show this but many men are happy to. Also some people have negative feelings when they see these things on other people they don't know."

The trouble is, that explanation makes no sense, since the one time you may see a woman's breasts in the uk is when she's breastfeeding.

The real explanation - that womens breasts are sexualised and objectified by men - isn't something that can be explained to a small child. Perhaps one explanation which has the benefit of often being true is that most adult women find they're more comfortable with a bra or some sort of support.

What about going along an adaptation of the Pants Song route and say for men it's everything covered by pants/swimming trunks and for women it's everything covered by bikinis. And I wouldn't try to explain why. If she insists I'd ask what makes her ask and if she says anything along the lines if "that's not fair" or "that's strange" then kind of agree "I guess it isn't/is" and add, "but that's just how it is".
She's young enough that she won't be on the subject too long or too deeply.

Some great suggestions on here - thank you all so much for your replies 🥰