Help! After mat leave decisions

[Smileyface1991]

I'd love to know what others would do in my situation?

I'm currently on maternity leave until September, my baby will be one in October.
I work for the nhs and would go back part time (22 1/2 hours) which would either be 2 13 hour shifts or 3 short shifts (7.30-3.30/12.30/8.30)
I absolutely hate the thought of not seeing my baby all day or not being there when he wakes up/goes to bed.

We are in the lucky position that I could be a SAHM but I'm really worried I will get lonely/bored. We live in the middle of nowhere with nothing around, my partner works long hours 7 days of the week so I would be alone all the time.
We don't have weekend off or a lot of holidays etc
I always said I would go back so I have something for me, I love the social side of working and earning my own money.

I have thought about not going back and doing 1 or 2 bank shifts a week?

Tbh, with my long term hat on I'd go back the 7:30 - 3:30 shifts.

I know you say dad works long hours 7 days a week, but does he really have to? A lot of men say they have to but have more flex that they let on.

If he could do nursery drop offs on days you work that would also help.

Then when they start school you've got really nice school hours. With limited wrap around needed.

Hey OP! I'm at the start (soon!) of my NHS mat leave. I'm a non clinical manager at the moment and currently work office hours. I thought about working my notice and then leaving, but for the same reasons as you (being bored and wanting to have some sense of normality) I've decided to go back full time but on condensed hours.

Would you have the possibility of doing earlies and lates instead of 12hr shifts? It means you'd be 'in' work more but may help with the wanting to be there for little one each day?

The other thing to think of is that if you go on the bank you won't then be entitled to sick pay/enhanced mat pay if you are poorly or have another baby.

I’d take the 3 shorter shifts personally. Either way though, what sort of childcare are you going to use? Most nurseries and childminders wouldn’t stretch to starting before 7:30am and certainly not finishing after 8:30pm.

For a couple of reasons in your situation (being isolated, with a partner I presume you are neither married to nor does much ‘parenting’) I wouldn’t consider being a SAHM and I probably wouldn’t rely on the bank either. I have to echo a PP - what sort of job truly requires long days, 7 days a week?

Oh good point. You've said partner. NEVER EVER become a stay at home parent if you're not married.

Thankyou for your responses, it's good to have other people's opinions.

Yes that's correct we aren't married yet, the wedding is next year (was ment to be in 2020)

We live on a farm so it is long days 7 days a week unfortunately, obviously there is flexibility e.g he can do nursery drop offs/pick ups which was always our plan before he came along!

I just can't make a decision and don't want to rush into leaving and going on the bank when I won't get any employment benefits.

The other added thing is that my commute is at least 45 minutes either way!! 🙈

Until that ring is on and the ink dry don't give up work. No matter when the wedding is booked for. Means nothing.

Him being a farmer makes more sense for working 7 days a week.

I'd still say go back to work and keep your employment benefits. Having a stable income could be really helpful as farming can be a bit up and down.

Perhaps long term look for a role closer or to diversify on your farm. If you're in a tourist area look at glamping etc.

I'd still say go back to work.

Pension? Not just the value of the contributions but the value of all the lost cumulative growth?

I think the prospect of this change in routine and time apart from baby is worse than the reality - like most things. It's a big deal, it's ok to have big emotions about it, but that doesn't mean you can't do it or that you should make big long term decisions based on temporary discomfort.

Gradually learning that "mum goes away sometimes but she always comes back to me" is a really important part of healthy development, I would focus on that too. (Especially the coming back part, instead of the time away part.)

(I'm not saying your feelings aren't valid, just offering ways you could explore to manage them.)

That's not a long commute.

I cried leading up to my return - Nurse NHS too. I’m home for bed time every night now which is what I wanted but do miss seeing DD in the mornings. Actually being back in work feels better than the thought of it and it’s nice to use my brain beyond what time DD needs her nappy changed.

could you return part time and if you really don’t like it go onto the bank?

Personally, I would go for 2 long days.. especially as your dp can do drop off and pick up at nursery - that's 2 nursery days you have to pay for and only 2 days commute and you could ask for fixed days due to child care (or if you have to do night shifts, include 2 nights together before nursery days in that request so you can sleep while dc is at nursery). Also, with bank there might not be necessarily the same shifts available every week, although I know in the NHS, most of us are happy to have any bank staff! And although you don't like the idea of not seeing your baby in the morning or before bed, that would only be 2 days out of 7.

If you are planning to have more, it's definitely worth staying substantive rather than bank because then you will also be entitled to further maternity pay, which you don't get on bank only, plus sick pay if you are unwell (none if you cancel a bank shift).

Also, with bank shifts, especially if you are registered and need to re validate it can be a faff getting re validation done. At least with a substantive contract you have a line management structure to help with that.

And as others have said - you aren't married yet, so don't give up your pension and a stable working contract and guaranteed income - if the worst happened, you'd be entitled to nothing.

Nurse here non nhs. I decided to do the 12 hr shifts as it means I could cram as many hours as possible in. He goes to nursery two days a week.