Spoilt my 2 kids - what now?

[Lleenet]

I feel and know I spoil my 2 kids (aged 3 & 4) We can't go to soft play without mebuying a toy (and them asking for one), we can't go to supermarket without me buying them a magazine (and them asking for one). It's 100% my fault, I should have said NO from day 1. Now I feel the backlash of saying NO is too great... like drive home screaming because I didn't buy them the toy as we always have bought one after visiting a certain place in town etc etc. I know the answer is to keep saying NO. But are there any tips for de-spoiling your kids?

Start a sticker chart so they "earn" their treats. Ten / five stickers for a magazine, etc - with a star prize of something bigger after 50 stickers.
I got a large A1 sheet of card and drew a spiral on it with a big star in the middle then DS could stick his stickers along the spiral and mark off every ten.

Stickers for brushing teeth or eating well or potty training or whatever you need to encourage them with.

At that age they don't understand the value of money, so you can get away with pretending you don't have enough money for the "really expensive" magazine even though you've just splurged on a massive grocery shop. I've never yet had a small child challenge me on how I could afford X but not Y!

You can totally turn this around at this age. Remember you being really positive and rewarding is also a motivation for them too, it's not only about the toys.

1. Set expectations before going.

1. Reminder about expectation just before the key moment.

3 OTT praise for good behaviour asap "You came so nicely when I said we were leaving, I'm so impressed, what a good girl you are - huge high 5! No, a bigger one than that! I can't wait to tell grandma, she's going to be so impressed about how grown up you're getting!" Etc etc.

1. If there's a particular toy someone is fixated on, you can say something like "Yes that it is nice isn't it. Its not something we can get now nut can you help me take a photo of it on my phone so we don't forget about it and it can go on your Christmas list?Which button do we press for a photo? Lets make a folder of pictures of things youd like to remember about etc etc.".

1. Try to steer repetitive conversations where they are getting upset about not what they want by briefly sympathizing but then firmly moving on with something else engaging. "Yes I know it was a bit disappointing. Now, remind me what you wanted to have for dinner - slug soup with grass sprinkled on top? No? I'm sure that's what you said earlier? Was it worm pizza then?".

Definitely fell into that trap when mine were around that age. Turned it around by starting to give them small amounts of pocket money (ie 50p a week) and then when we were in the shop/cafe whatever I would ask 'how much pocket money have you got?' if they had enough they could get the thing, if not, wait till next week. Taught them early about saving up and working out if they could afford things, they are now 11 and 13 and really sensible with money and appreciate what it costs when we buy them things. The other tip would be to use the things as a reward for whatever behaviour you are working on at the time - ie. 'if you can help me all around the supermarket you can have a cookie at the end', or 'if you do your teeth all week without a fuss I'll get you one next time'. Again works like a charm, and sometimes they do the good behaviour, form the habit and forget about the reward!! It means you have other options apart from 'NO' which is fine sometimes but exhausting at others! Good luck x

Definitely agree with setting expectations before and during shopping.

And lots of distraction (getting them to find something for you, their dad or the dog in the shop).

Also, if whinging gets back we leave the shop and go home. It's a pain but you only have to do it a couple of times and they get the message.

Gets bad not back!

My DS was was also very spoilt at around 4/5 I explained to him that I can save all the money that we spend on little toys and magazines for a better birthday present which he will enjoy a lot more and be more grateful for.
After a few times explaining this to him he agreed receiving presents would be more exciting if they were less frequent.
Since then I’ve bought him a few magazines here and there but for the most part he has had big birthday presents no toys from supermarket. He is now 8 and asks for magazines every so often but there’s never a tantrum anymore if the answer is no.
If you have a little boy that likes Lego they do a free magazine subscription every couple of months which we found was a nice medium along with the odd store bought magazine when he’s well behaved.

The other thing that we do quite regularly is going through the toys, books magazines doing repairs on ripped pages, fixing toys and whilst doing this discussing how much they are used, which of them he values the most.
Ultimately trying to get them to recognise all the wonderful things I do have and trying to teach them the value of things and money.
DS also has a debit card and savings card again trying to encourage better behaviours around spending, savings and expectations. He quickly realised he couldn’t buy toys and magazines on a regular basis with his allowance.

Stick to your guns every time or there is no use trying.

I'd say distraction/diversion . Like we'll be doing something else when we get home instead. Something fun like make cakes or play a game (with stuff they already have) do a painting, special dinner, colouring in or something Make that seem like the treat or reward. Big it up. Make it sound more exciting than the toy or magazine

Set expectations before you leave the house.

Have star charts.

Let them earn magazines and toys through good behaviour.

Then you have something to encourage them to accept no too.

Do some runs where you take them for the purpose of saying no. I would suggest maybe you taking them individually (and your partner looking after the other one during this time).

@Mummommy thanks for the lego magazine recommendation. Ive just signed up!

Our soft play does! An entire gift shop to walk through on the way out, loads of the toys are stuff that's been played with in the 'imaginary zone' in the soft play itself
Dear God . Soft play has clearly moved on since we grew out of it! Thank God.

Thank God we've grown past it, I mean