How can I stop my toddler touching my boobs?

[Alitlebitsleepy]

I hope someone has some insight or advice as I feel absolutely at the end of my tether with this.

I breastfed my dd for 18 months and she will be 2 next month. Therefore, I understand that my boobs have always been a big source of comfort for her. She will put her hands down my top whenever I'm around her, particularly when she's having a meltdown. She will grab and pinch my nipples. I used to be able to deal with this fine. It didn't bother me generally, apart from when I was in public and she would constantly have her hand down my top. Now however, I absolutely loathe it. I cannot describe how stomach churning I find it. I feel intense disgust and rage when it happens. I will say,' please don't touch mummy's boobies' and I will explain that she can hold onto the neck of my T shirt instead. She does understand this and will sometimes listen when she's in a good mood. However, when she's having a meltdown she understandably can't deal with being told this when she's already dealing with some big feelings. I will end up pulling her hand out, which makes the meltdown worse and her hands will go straight back down my top.

What can I do? I've tried holding my hands over my boobs to block her. This makes her extremely cross and she will pull my hands away. I've tried telling her not to do it but clearly this isn't enough. I snapped at her tonight which made her very upset and I feel terrible.

I am also currently pregnant which is possibly why my feelings about this have suddenly become so intense. It feels like breast feeding aversion except with touch.

Anyone experienced the same?

I understand OP. Have you tried the classic distraction technique? Say no, move her hands away and immediately start talking about something else or offer her something she's interested in - shall we watch Peppa Pig, have some ice cream, look there's a pigeon.... whatever might work for her. I think with things like this the trick is to be consistent but try not to turn it into a drama.

I hated this stuff as well. Being pregnant on top would have been unbearable. I used to stand up so no getting near happened.

Hide a toy spider down there and say boo, probably a bit mean but it will probably work.

@CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory i have tried this. It doesn't seem to work unless it's a really big distraction like 'now it's dinner time' and with the frequency that she's doing it, I don't see how I can keep coming up with exciting enough distractions. E.g. Even when watching TV, she'll have her hand down my top.

@gamerchick yes I do sometimes stand up when I've really had enough. Perhaps I ought to do this consistently every time (although then I feel like that would be my entire day!).

@stairgates no she loves spiders!! She'd find that hilarious!

Take her wrist firmly and say 'no.' No explaining or chat just a very firm no and walk away if she continues.

Is she old enough to respond well to bribery?

🤣🤣

This
and then remove yourself from her reach and distract with a favourite cuddly toy.
This is one of many reasons that I don’t really understand using breastfeeding as a comfort for weaned babies. She’s just got unlearn the association and make some new ones.

Could you find her a substitute comfort thing that you give her when she gets upset? So after the ‘no’/standing up/ whatever, you had her something like a cuddly or a booblike soft toy!

you could introduce it at a calm moment, and then have it to hand for difficult moments.

I agree with everything but also try and wear higher neck tops so she physically can’t reach, harder said than done right now as you won’t want to be wearing a polo neck in a heatwave! But anything where it’s a bit higher cut / tighter and she can’t reach in would help

My DD pinches my arm for comfort it sounds similar. Does she have a comforter? Eg a blanket or special toy. She’s not trying to be mean, it’s clearly what she does to calm down and comfort her

I used to watch telly standing up sometimes. I also use to sit in the travel cot I had set up for naps downstairs when I just needed 5 minutes. I look back now and think wtf.

They do get over it though I swear.

I've been there! Also it was so painful having my boobs touched when pregnant, I'd nearly go through the roof! I used to gently take the boob-seeking hand or arm, spin the toddler so his back was to me and then bear hug him, crossing both his arms over his body, with my arms wrapped around him. Then I'd rock and soothe him like that. This was during big tantrums. Lesser incidents, I'd redirect. I also wore a lot of high neck tops although depending on where you are this might not be feasible as it's sweltering where I am! Just to warn you, his obsession re-ignited when he saw me breastfeeding the baby so we had to go through it again then.

Argh, I can sympathise because both mine did this. And I hated it with a passion. It made me seething inside and I'd also snap at my daughter.

Just have to be consistent but it did take me months so 😩

I had this too and really they are just doing it for comfort. They only remember comfort nursing and such at that age so it’s habitual. So, the thing to do is not to say “No” or “don’t” as that is confusing to a toddler but to simply convert the embrace into a cuddle. I’d gently insert my arms under their arms and then lift their arms to go round my neck and then give them a nice long cuddle. Id say the usual comforting things I say to them. Quite quickly they learned the new way to get comfort from me that did not involve my boobs!

I would take her to choose a cuddle toy, because she’s a big girl now and doesn’t need boobs.

And then as above. take her hands away, say no, remind her she’s big and give her the toy. Repeat and repeat as necessary but do not let her down there. You will have to be firm and ignore the screaming, but it will pass (and it’s the age of meltdowns so if it wasn’t this it would be something else)

Needs firmness now or she’ll be doing it when the baby arrives, which will really make you crackers

I haven't read through the other replies so someone else may have already said this to you.

But I think there is nothing wrong with putting a boundary in place and saying, no to your boobs being touched.

She might cry, be with her whilst she cries and support her by being kind and patient with her. But hold the boundary. It can be really triggering to hear our children cry, but it's also important to make sure our children understand body autonomy. In this way, she knows you are still there for her, she knows you love her but she also knows that you mean it when you say no.

Thanks everyone. I know she's only doing it for comfort. I think you're all right that I have to be firmer and more consistent with standing up so she can see the consequence.

She's only one so most of these behavioural suggestions expecting her to display impulse control aren't really appropriate. You can't just expect her to stop it without replacing it with something.

You will just have to keep moving her hand elsewhere and/or blocking access, which, yes, might mean moving physically away from her if she is not accepting the redirection. Could you wear a really sturdy bra so she can't get through it? And high neck tops.

I've seen a little silicone thing you can clip to your bra which is meant to feel like a nipple and some toddlers find that an acceptable substitute apparently, but I can't remember what it's called and my googling is really not bringing up anything helpful!

@BertieBotts I don't expect her to have impulse control. I won't remove her comfort without replacing it with something. She does have a cuddly bunny which she has as comfort at bedtime but she's currently not interested in it at other times.

Nothing stops her getting to them, even when it was cooler and I was wearing turtle necks. I even googled bras that stop boob access out of desperation but clearly they don't exist.

No advice, other than my 16m old does this incessantly. And he also does this to all boobs.....so his grandma's....tries the nursery staff. I feel even worse for them!

I'm dreading this OP my daughter is 16 months and I think we're heading in this direction. You've gotten really good advice, a combo approach is probably best, stand up, stiff necked top, redirection and I've heard putting bandaids over your nipples can help?? Also I'm still nursing but for a while my daughter was going crazy with the pinching, in calm times we practice gentle hands a lot, so I will hold her hand at to gently touch the dog, or hold her hand flat resting on my collar bone. I ask her to model gentle hands to me "can you show me gentle hands on puppy?" And if she gets pinchy I'll ask her to do gentle hands. Sometimes it works!