I need to be a better parent.

[musk]

I want to better my parenting skills because sometimes I feel like I'm the worst mother in the world.

I have two boys aged 7 and 9. The youngest is currently being accessed for ADHD so he can be a handful. The eldest is fine.

BUT I always feel like I can't be bothered with them. I get up first in a morning, have a cup of tea and try to wake up. DS1 gets up next and gets his own breakfast, DS2 gets up around 8pm which is too late and always leaves us rushing around but its my fault as I purposely let him sleep in, giving me more time to relax. Therefore mornings always end with a shouting match telling him to hurry up getting ready, he sees I'm stressing and delibrately takes longer for attention. I need to sort this morning routine...advice welcome.

After school, we come home. DS1 goes straight on the PC and sits on it pretty much all night only coming down for his tea and maybe half an hour before bed time. I know this is wrong but I allow him to do so as its easier for me. Exception being 3 nights a week we're at karate class so I suppose its more like 2 nights a week he spends all night on the PC and weekends if we're in. I need to stop this.
DS comes home from school and goes straight on the xbox and stays on it until bedtime.

Bedtime is a major issue as they just play up constantly. Probably for attention as they lack it so much from me. Tonight for instance DS2 went to bed at 7pm and has only just stopped messing around at 10:40pm. I deal with this by shouting at him and making empty threats. DS1 realises he gets away with it so starts doing it too, then they encourage each other and I give up and go and watch TV leaving them to fall asleep through exhaustion...que...late rising in the mornings.

Any advice on how to improve our lives welcome.

Message withdrawn

You already know you need to get DS2 up earlier - but it would also help a lot with bed time as he would be more ready for bed. (I have to keep to this with my dd.) Don't let them get up late jsut because they went to sleep late - that's not working.

Does physical exercise help - is it easier after Karate class?

Never make empty threats.

And that exhausts my advice!

You are not the worst mother in the world because you have been incredibly honest with yourself and identified the major issues that need to change.

It sounds like you might be a bit depressed and lacking in motivation and that happens to us ALL every so often.

How much time to you get to yourself?
Are you doing anything that you enjoy once or twice a week?
Do you have a dp and if so how much do they help? Could you delegate bedtimes for example?

Perhaps if you could get a bit of time outside the mothering role then you might feel more refreshed, less on the "hamster's wheel"??? That might make you feel able to be more engaged with your dss in the evenings. It's a cliche but it's very difficult to "give" when you are running on empty.

I know this sounds a bit "supernanny" but could you possibly have a family meeting and say how you're feeling a bit crap and hate all the shouting and ask your boys to suggest some solutions and draw up a before- and after school timetable together? (How much screen time is reasonable, what's a reasonable time to get up/go to bed, ring-fence 30 mins per school night when you do something enjoyable together etc etc??) Then you agree that you will ALL - you and the dc - stick to the timetable (maybe reinforced by reward for 2 weeks of good behaviour???) A reward for you too don't forget.

I feel a bit of a fraud giving advice tbh because I have been going through a horrible shouty phase with dd in the mornings. But when times are tough, being able to refer to a clear time-table that everyone has agreed to, allows me to think through all the 'fog' & is far less stressful then managing events from crisis to crisis.

I should be in bed now but am dog-sitting a lonely 6mth old daschound for a friend who howls when left alone ... it's going to be a long night ...

So tired my grammar has gone to pot - the friend doesn't howl obviously

Good luck