4 year old DD has started hitting other kids at nursery.

[EndofTether37]

I'm at a bit of a loss with this, was hoping to find other parents who have experienced this !
My 4 year old DD has been at the school nursery for about a year now, never any problems, got a glowing report back in March. Over the last week however her teacher has stopped me twice at pick-up time to say that she has been hitting other kids and that is has apparently been going on for a while.
I'm absolutely mortified that she is doing this, I had genuinely not seen her behaving like this at home but then the morning after the teacher first told me what she'd been doing, she climbed into our bed, woke me up to ask me what she was doing today, I told her she was going to school and she hit me (!) So I know that it is true.
She was due to go on a trip out yesterday for a treat to the farm but I stopped her from going on that due to her behaviour. She's now hit two more kids today at school, despite being warned that she would not be going to her cousin's birthday party on Sunday if the behaviour continued. So now she isn't going to the party either ! I have stopped her occasional after-school treat of an ice cream until she starts behaving herself. I have told her if she does it one more time I will be taking her barbie dolls (her favourite toy) and giving them to other children who know how to behave.... I don't know how to get through to her ! It's causing me a lot of stress just worrying about her behaviour whilst she's in the nursery. Her dad says it is just a phase and she'll grow out of it but the other kids aren't behaving like she is. He reckons the fact that she wakes up before 5am every single morning, despite us trying a later bedtime/blackout curtains/healthy meals is causing her to be over-tired and therefore easier to lash out..... :( Any tips for what I should be doing or could try next?? When I asked her why she was hitting people she says "I don't know" and that "I don't know how to be a good girl" which is infuriating!

I suspect the consequences need to be more immediate if possible. And yes, when my DC are tired (or ill) they lash out sometimes so more sleep. Would she tolerate a nap on a weekend afternoon? We had some success with that.

Thank you for replying! Yes, if she misbehaves at home she goes on the naughty step for 4 minutes straightaway. Apart from the incident in the morning when she hit me I've never seen her do anything like this at home before so I was genuinely floored when the teacher said she'd been behaving like this. I don't know what they do in terms of discipline in the nursery, I'd assume a time out corner?
And yes, she usually falls asleep on a weekend afternoon anyway because she gets up too early, the same after school, she usually falls asleep not long after she gets home.... she's clearly over-tired but I've tried so many different things to try and stop her waking up so early but none of them work. Not even repeatedly putting her back to bed works. She just wakes up bright and breezy, full of energy at 4:45 - 5am every morning 😔

I wouldn't be putting up with 5am wakes from a 4yr old, she's definitely old enough to understand that it's not morning til 7. Get her a groclock. If it's tiredness you'll hopefully see an improvement soon.

If she's sleeping in the later afternoon that's why she's waking up so early. Power her through the end of the day and put her to bed at 7.30.

Your only going to improve her behaviour if you get to the bottom
of what is causing it. If it’s a new behaviour it is likely that she is struggling with something and lashing out. Maybe a more in depth chat with school would be a good place to start. Ask what they are doing school. Have you asked her why she I hitting? A feelings chart might help her.

Thanks, I'll look into that gro clock idea!
It doesn't matter if she powers through to the end of the day or not, she still wakes up at 5am (!) Her dad was an early riser as a child, according to my MIL so I blame his genes !

Childminder here!
I agree with her dad - some kids do this and nursery will deal with it then and there.
She will grow out of it but punishments are home won't affect her behaviour at nursery - she's too young to make the connection xx

Just joining in solidarity. Almost identical story here with age 4 DS at school nursery and with behaviour at home too, erupting in last week or two. I think some of it must be end of term tiredness but it’s mortifying.

DS goes fairly late to bed and always has done but it has crept later with lighter nights - and he’s been sleeping in later in the mornings over last two weeks which he’s never done before - so an earlier bedtime is one of the things we need to try.

Hey,

Sounds pretty normal if quite embarrassing..I agree with pp that immediate punishments (like the time outs you're doing) are better.

I don't think long term punishments (like giving away her doll or not doing something in a few days) is a good punishment for a kid because then you cant start every day afresh and they have it constantly having over their head.

By all means, no TV time, no park, no treats after it happens but I think it's better to treat every day as a new day.

Agree with PP with immediate punishments, as she’s too young to logically connect why she’s not going to the party in a few days etc. let each day be a fresh start.

good luck with the sleep.